In This Skin
by SheeWolf85
Summary: Sequel to Give Me a Sign and Faith, Hope, and Love. Josie is fifteen and learning who she is. Growing up is never easy, especially in a new environment with new situations. Jake/Ness (of course), AH, M for language, mature situations, and some violence.
1. Just a Game

A/N: *Group hug!* I'm so excited to be posting this story! I never thought I'd be one of those authors who posts a story about an original character in a fanfic universe, but hey. Anything can happen. You'll see a lot of the characters from the previous stories, but there's also going to be some pretty important new ones. It is rated M for language, and lots of it. Someone inherited her daddy's dirty mouth. Also for some spatters of violence in later chapters. And underage drinking. Possibly sexual situations, but I haven't decided yet.

As far as the length of the story is concerned, I honestly don't know yet. I've gotten a few chapters written, and the story is all outlined in my head. I would say it'll be somewhere between the lengths of FHL and GMAS. I'm sure that helps tremendously :)

Thanks so much to WolfGirl1335 for pre-reading. Love ya, girlie!

As usual, I don't own the recognizable characters. Enjoy!

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter One

Just a Game

_I don't know where I am  
I don't know this place  
Don't recognize anybody  
__So homesick I can't feel_

-Just a Game – Birdy

* * *

_**Josie**_

I didn't want to get up. I smacked the snooze button on my alarm three times in a row just to shut the damn thing up. I groaned when my phone alarm went off. My awake self was much more responsible than my sleepy self and knew how much it would take to get me up, especially today.

I squeezed my eyes shut and finally slid out of bed. I got my phone off my desk and turned the sound off. After a stretch, a yawn, and a serious contemplation of getting back in bed, I shook my head and opened my door. I smiled at the smell of pancakes.

The house was unfamiliar to me. I'd only moved a total of two times in my whole life. I was happy to do it the first time because it meant I got my own room again. This time I only went along with it because I knew I had no choice. My younger brother Eli was having an easier time with it, but that was probably because he could move around during the day here and not fry. Poor guy got Mom's photosensitivity. I gave him shit about it, but I'd fuck someone up if they tried to do the same.

As I walked down the hall toward the stairs, I looked at the blank walls. It bothered me. I knew Mom would soon have her pictures up, but right now all the white was creepy. I yawned again and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Josie!" Mom hollered. I smirked. She really thought I could hear her all the way back in my room. "Come get some breakfast."

I nodded to myself and bounced down the stairs. Eli was already at the table inhaling his food. I ruffled his hair as I passed behind him. "Slow down, Shithead. Don't choke."

He glared at me with a mouthful of food. "Shu-upfh." He was so cute when he tried to act tough.

"Both of you stop," Mom said. She set my plate down for me. "Good morning, honey."

I sat down and started to slather my pancakes with butter. "Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome. Are you ready for school today?"

I groaned. Why did she have to bring that up? "No." My first day of tenth grade wasn't exactly on my to-get-excited-about list.

She sat next to me and leaned on her elbows on the table. "I know it's hard, honey. This move has been hard for all of us."

I snorted. "Then why did we even do it?" I knew why. Mom had lived practically her whole life indoors because of her condition. If that wasn't reason enough, throw Eli into the mix. Mom didn't want him to have to hide the way she had to. She wanted him to be able to go outside and play for a little while, and he couldn't do that in Phoenix where you could fry an egg on the sidewalk at noon. So we found the polar opposite and moved to Seattle where it rained nine days a week. I knew it was hard on my parents, but sometimes I wondered if they even thought about what I wanted. I'd had to leave all of my friends because of my mom and my irritating little brother. It wasn't fair of me to think like that, but that didn't change how I felt.

"You know why." She stood up and kissed my head before she went back to the kitchen.

I finished my breakfast in silence while I watched Eli. He looked so much like the pictures of Dad at that age, aside from his skin. He was a little darker than Mom, but still really pale. He was only a few months away from turning eleven. He looked more like a twelve-year-old. He was taller that most kids his age, and his face looked like a little monkey. He was adorable until he was annoying, which was most of the time. I really hoped he did okay in school. He was going to start fourth grade, the little twerp. I remembered helping our parents get him ready for first grade. He'd looked at me with big eyes and asked me if he'd see me in the lunch room. I'd hated having to tell him no. I had been starting seventh grade in the junior high. Now I was going into tenth grade, and I was pretty sure I was more afraid than he was. I wished I was still in Phoenix where I could have 7some friends help me feel not so intimidated by the older students.

I looked up when Dad came in the room. I was a little surprised; I thought he'd already gone to work. He was helping set up the new branch of Clearwater Construction. He said good morning to everyone, kissed Mom, and sat down at the table with a cup of coffee.

"Ready for school?" He asked Eli.

He smiled and nodded. "I'm kind of nervous, though."

Dad nodded. "I know, it's kind of scary. Just remember how awesome you are, okay?" He held out his fist and Eli bumped it.

Eli grinned. "Okay."

Dad looked at me. "What about you?"

I raised an eyebrow. "What about me?"

"School? Tenth grade? New city? New _state_? How are you doing?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm peachy."

He hummed. "Yeah, I can see that. It'll get easier. Just give it a chance, okay?"

I sighed and nodded. "Yeah."

After breakfast, I went to take a shower and get ready for the day. I grumbled at myself for not doing more over the last week to unpack and put my shit away. I really didn't like getting my clothes out of a suitcase. I decided I'd do that when I got home. It was a short day anyway. I got dressed in my comfortable jeans with a purple, low-cut but not slutty babydoll shirt. I went back to the bathroom to do my makeup and my hair. I'd thought about dying it a few times, but then I would decide that I did like the almost-orange color. Not a lot of people had it, and if they did, it usually wasn't natural. I kind of liked being unique like that despite the ginger jokes I had to endure. I put it up in a clip and called it good.

I was getting my shoes on when Eli came down the hall and knocked on the door frame. "Mom wants to know if you're about ready to go."

"Yeah, just about." I looked over at him and almost laughed. His hair had been done up in spikes like he was trying to look cool. "Did Mom do your hair?"

He shook his head. "Dad did. It's awesome, right?"

I stood up. "Sure it is, kid." I got my backpack that I'd already gone through and packed the night before and slipped it onto my shoulders. I followed Eli downstairs where Mom was waiting to take Eli to school and me to hell.

* * *

If I'd thought junior high was big, I was so not prepared for high school. The place was a damn rat maze. I fought my way through the crowds to get to the office where I had to wait in line to get my schedule. The lady behind the desk looked frazzled by the time I made it. I told her my name and what I needed. She typed it into the computer and sighed after a minute.

"I can't find you." she snapped.

"Try _Josephine_ Black," I snapped back. I hated having to give my full name. Why couldn't school records have my nickname?

She gave me a look I could only assume was meant to convey her unending disdain of teenagers and typed my name into the computer. Without a word, she gave me a few papers with my schedule, my locker number and combination, and a map of the school. I took them and walked out.

It wasn't hard to find my locker with the map. I opened it and groaned when I realized I had a locker-mate. A prissy one, from what I could tell from the amount of pink and fluff stuffed in the bottom half. I took what I needed from my backpack and put it in the top.

People were everywhere. I wasn't sure why I found it odd that they didn't seem that different from people in Phoenix. There was a wide variety, but it seemed they would group together in similars. There was a group of what I assumed to be cheerleaders standing by a few lockers. They were all disgustingly thin with big boobs and dressed in tiny clothes. Surrounding them were the prick jocks in their uber-fancy jeans that were just like every other jeans but expensive. The nerdy kids were all hunched together around their laptops and iPads and various other gadgets I'd probably never understand. Then there were the so-called outcasts who grouped together and considered themselves so different from everyone else. How could one be an outcast if they still belonged somewhere?

I felt like screaming when I pushed for the millionth time. I pushed back and ignored the person when he swore at me. Yeah, well, watch yourself next time, asshole.

My first class was math, which I considered to be torture. How could anyone actually expect my brain to function this early? It was just rude. Thankfully the first day was just introduction and shit. Every single teacher used my full name in the roll call, and I was quick to correct all of them. As far as I was concerned, my name was not Josephine. I did my best to ignore the other students. Somewhere inside me, I knew I should accept what was and open up to meet new people, but I didn't want to. I wanted to go back to Arizona and make fun of Mr. Lards the science teacher with my friends Kaylie and Micah.

The day didn't turn out that bad. It would have been worse if we'd had to start in the middle of the school year. People still knew that I was new and had to know where I was from. They wanted to know what it was like in Arizona, and I just told them it was hot. I wasn't in the mood to make friends.

"How was school?" Mom asked when I got in the car after school.

I shrugged. "I survived it."

She smiled. "Did you make any friends?"

"Yeah, Mom. It was my first day, but already half the school is my friend." She sighed. I looked over at her. She was giving me her famous sad-and-slightly-disappointed look. "What?"

Her lips pursed. "Josie, I'm sorry we took you away from your friends in Phoenix. I am. I'm sorry that this has to be so hard for you. I'm asking you to please try. For me or for your dad or for Eli or whatever you feel like you could try for."

I looked down at my lap. "I know, Mom. I'm not trying to be a bitch about it."

She reached over and took my hand. "It'll take a while for all of us to get used to this, but we can do it if we stick together. Don't alienate me and your dad, okay?"

I gave her a smile. "Okay."

She'd already picked up Eli, so we went home. It was raining as I suspected it would be most of the fall and winter.

Dad was frustrated when he got home. He complained to Mom about how he wasn't sure they'd picked the right people to help expand the business. I thought maybe he was just used to working with Aunt Leah and Uncle Seth. I couldn't really blame him. Leah was the shit and Seth was funny as hell.

I helped Mom make dinner while Dad took Eli for a walk in the rain. It always made me sad when he couldn't come to the park with us. I knew he was jealous of me when I went with Dad. The one good thing about this move was now Eli didn't have to feel left out. Mom didn't either, but somehow I didn't think it upset her as much as it did my brother.

When they got back, we ate dinner and talked about our days. Eli'd had a great day at school, he said. He made three friends already. Mom was so happy to hear it. Her day had been busy unpacking, she said. She got some pictures out to line the halls. She confessed she had a hard time putting up the ones of Grandpa Edward. She said it was because of the move and being so far away from his grave. Dad reached out and took her hand.

I helped clean up after dinner. Mom and Dad did their usual routine of slobbering all over each other when they thought I wasn't looking. I didn't mind. Honestly, I liked that they still loved each other like that after all the years they'd been together. I had too many friends that had witnessed their parents' relationship fall apart and end in divorce; I wasn't going to wish my parents would lay off the sexin' if doing it meant they stayed happy together. As I was walking up the stairs, I heard him ask her to dance with him. I smirked to myself.

The rest of the week went better than I had thought it would. I wasn't sure why, but I was determined to stay inside my own little shell for as long as I could. By the end of the second week, whether I wanted it or not, I'd made a few friends. Jennifer was a perky blonde who didn't seem to let much get in her way. She was the first friend I made, probably because she was my prissy locker-mate and wouldn't let me close her out. She wasn't so bad when I took the time to talk to her. With her came Lily and Trish. Lily was blonde as well and the tiniest of tiny girls; she looked like she was ten. She had more energy than Jennifer, and when she was excited she shook like a Chihuahua. Trish had brown, curly hair and liked to pretend she was a prostitute. She'd dress in the skimpiest clothes and put on three layers of makeup too many. I didn't like her so much, but I didn't have the energy to be too mean to her.

I was really starting to miss Arizona, though. I missed everyone, not just my best friends. I missed Aunt Leah and Uncle Sam. I missed the times Aunt Leah, Mom, Hannah, and I would all get together for late-night talks about boys and life and other important shit. Although I always knew I could talk to my mom about anything, Aunt Leah was usually the one I went to if I needed advice about boys or people in general. Mom had a way of always telling me to forgive and forget. Aunt Leah helped me come up with ways to get even.

I missed Seth and his stupid jokes that were always so funny because he got them wrong or made up his own punch lines. I missed Joshua, the biggest pain in the ass in the world. And by biggest, I mean biggest. He was twenty years old and even taller than Dad by a few inches. I missed how he'd swing me around until I got sick then blame it on my weak stomach. I missed Hannah, my partner in crime. We could have been twins if we'd had the same parents and looked alike. She was usually in on the conversations I had with her mom, and then we'd work together to make the plan happen. She had the most beautiful black hair. I'd always been envious of her because of it. We both liked to get into trouble; most of the time we didn't even have to go looking for it. Josh would usually be the one to bail us out if we got stuck somewhere. Not that we ever got arrested; neither of us was that stupid.

I caught myself thinking of ways to get back to Arizona a few times. As much as I wanted to go back, I knew I'd never leave my family. They needed me, even if it seemed like I was a thorn in their sides sometimes. Lord knows they could be a thorn in mine. The thought of being back in Phoenix without them sucked worse than being in Seattle.

I took every opportunity I could to call everyone. As the days passed, I found myself spending more and more time in my bedroom. I didn't help Mom make dinner like usual anymore. I knew Mom liked it when I did, but I wasn't in the mood to be social with anyone.

It was Monday of the third week after dinner that Dad came up and knocked on my door.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

I sighed and put down my phone. I'd texted Kaylie, but she hadn't responded. "Yeah, I guess."

He came in and shut the door behind him. He smiled as he came across the room and sat on the bed beside me. "How are you doing, Josie?"

I shrugged. "I'm fine."

He nodded. "You're fine a lot."

I raised an eyebrow. "Meaning?"

He smirked. "Meaning I know you're really not. Is there something wrong? Maybe something happening at school?"

"No, nothing's happening at school."

He leaned down with his elbows on his knees and hummed. "So everything's really fine? You're just hiding in your room and avoiding me and your mom like you've never done before for shits and giggles?" He looked over at me. "You can talk to me. I'm your dad."

"Thanks for reminding me."

He sat back up. "Well, with all this time you've been spending up here, I just wanted to make sure you remembered who I was."

I snorted. "Yeah, because I could really forget a pain in the ass like you."

"Anything's possible." He leaned in and pushed my shoulder with his arm.

I pushed him back. "No, Dad, nothing's happening at school. Nothing more than the usual crap anyway. It _is_ high school." I grimaced.

Dad chuckled. "Yeah, it is. So is it still the move that's got you down."

I cringed and looked at him. "I miss Arizona and everything in it."

He nodded. "I know you do. I do, too."

"Not as much as me," I grumbled.

"No? You don't think I miss the heat and the people there? Since I met your Aunt Leah, the longest we'd gone without seeing each other is after we tried to date and realized it was a mistake. And again when she was gone for two weeks on that trip with Sam and we watched Hannah and Josh. Your mom and Eli both miss a lot, too. You're not the only one having a hard time with this."

I frowned. "That doesn't make me feel any better."

"What would make you feel better?"

I thought about that for a second. There wasn't much. "If we went back."

Dad nodded again. "Which is why I'm not trying to make you feel better. I know no matter what I say, it won't work. So instead, I'll tell you that we will go back someday. Not to move back, but for a visit."

I perked up a little. "Maybe for Christmas?"

"Maybe. You have two choices right now, Josie. You can either be miserable or you can accept what is and make the best of it."

I looked down at the carpet. "I know. Do I have to make that choice right now?"

He put his arm around my shoulders. "You've already been making that choice."

I pursed my lips. "Yeah, I know. I make that choice every morning, right?"

He laughed. "Yeah, pretty much."

I sighed and leaned into his shoulder. "What if I'm not ready to accept this yet?"

"Then don't." He kissed my head. "I didn't come up here to talk you into being happy about everything. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." He hugged my shoulders again. "And because your mom's a little worried you're mad at her."

I sat back. "Why would I be mat at her?"

"She thinks it's because it was mostly her idea that dragged you out here."

"I'm not mad at her. I'm pissed at this whole situation, yes, but not at her."

Dad smiled. "I'll let her know."

My phone buzzed on the nightstand. I picked it up and smiled at the text from Kaylie. "Thanks. Now get out of here and let me be a hermit."

He laughed and got up to leave.

The next day, Jennifer tried to convince me to go out to some party with her and some other friends. We were standing outside biology in between classes. People walked by without caring we were there.

"Come on, Josie; it will be fun!" Jennifer clasped her hands together in front of her like she was begging.

I sighed. "I don't like parties."

She pouted. "Everyone likes parties. It's just a little birthday party for Kyle."

I'd met Kyle once or twice. He was a cute blond boy with blue eyes. I was a little surprised I knew that detail about his eyes since his hair was always hanging in front of them. He was tall, too, which I couldn't deny that I liked. "Are you sure he even wants me to come?"

She scoffed. "Of course I'm sure. It's not like he invites the whole school; just a few of his friends. He considers you his friend because you're my friend."

I was just going to have to accept that I wasn't going to get out of this without lying or hurting the feelings of someone I didn't want to hurt. I sighed. "How long would I have to stay?"

She grinned so wide I was surprised her face didn't break. "Just long enough to eat some cake and maybe play a game. So you'll come?"

"Yeah, I guess. Text me his address and I'll have my mom bring me by." I couldn't wait until I got through with Driver's Ed and got my license. I could almost taste the freedom.

The bell rang as she nodded and pulled out her phone. I walked into class and took my seat. Another redhead sat next to me, but it wasn't hard to tell her hair was dyed. Her roots were dark and blaringly obvious. I wondered if she thought that made her look cool. She smiled at me. Before either of us could say anything, Mrs. Jenkins started class.

* * *

"I'm going to a party on Saturday," I blurted at dinner on Thursday.

Mom smiled.

"What kind of party?" Dad asked.

"A birthday party. For a boy." I had to smile at Dad. "He's turning sixteen." I raised my eyebrows as if that was the coolest and most forbidden thing in the whole world.

Eli laughed. "Josie has a crush on a boy!"

I glared at him. "I do not. I don't even know him."

"Then why are you going to his party?" Dad asked. Mom gave him a look.

I sighed dramatically. "Because Jennifer is my friend and invited me saying this boy thought I was his friend because I'm her friend."

Dad's eyebrow rose. "Was I supposed to understand that?"

"Apparently I'm his friend by association."

He nodded. "Oh."

"I think it's great that you're making so many friends, honey," Mom said. "What time is the party?"

"At three, I think."

She nodded. "Should we go get something for him tonight or tomorrow?"

I almost choked. "No! I mean, I don't know him, Mom. I don't know what he'd want. I'll just show up and grace him with my presence."

She frowned but seemed to agree. "Okay. Maybe for Christmas."

Dad looked at her sideways. I wondered if he thought what I was thinking. No way was Mom actually hoping I'd find a boyfriend here. I guessed anything could happen, but still.

After dinner, I went up to my room to think about how I'd condemned myself to this stupid party. I ran my fingers through my hair and sat on the edge of my bed. I'd been to enough birthday parties for teenagers in my time; I knew pretty much what to expect. But I didn't know these people, and I wasn't comfortable being around them. If it was a party for Kaylie, I'd stroll in like I owned the place and be the life of the party. But she knew me.

I needed advice. I needed someone to talk to who could help me a little and tell me what to do around strangers. I decided to call Aunt Leah. She'd know what to do.

"Hey, you," she answered. "How's it going?"

"It's going. Is now a good time?"

"Yeah, now's fine. Is everything okay?"

I took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. "Yeah, I guess. I'm going to a birthday party on Saturday."

She chuckled. "You remind me so much of your dad sometimes, you know. It's not the end of the world just because you have to make an appearance."

I smiled. "I know that, but I don't know these people. I don't know what to do or how to act."

"You do exactly what you've always done and act like yourself. Don't put on a front for anyone, honey; they're not special enough to change you."

I laid back on the bed and closed my eyes. "But what if they don't like me?"

"Oh, sweetheart; how could they not like you? You had a ton of friends here, and they liked you just fine. Besides, do you really want them to like you for something you're not?"

"No, I don't."

"If I was there, I'd help you spruce up. But, I'm not and there's no use moping about it. So get off your ass, dress in something sexy but comfortable, and go give them what for." Someone said something in the background. I could make out Joshua's voice but not what he was saying. Leah laughed. "Josh says to give them a chance to think you're awesome. If they don't, it's their loss and you can laugh at their pathetic stupidity."

I smiled again. "Thanks, guys."

"Hey, Trouble," Josh said. I guess he took the phone from his mom. "Are the other kids being mean to you?" I could hear the exaggerated pout in his voice.

"Shut up. That was a conversation between your mom and me."

He laughed. "Yeah, well, you know me. My nose can't stay in my own business. Are you still upset about the move?"

I groaned. "Duh. How would you feel if you were ripped out of the only city you've ever known?"

He sighed. "You're going to destroy yourself thinking like that. You gotta make the most of it, Josie. Be happy and show everyone who's boss."

I knew he was right, but I still didn't want to do it. "We'll see."

"So when are you coming home? Christmas?"

I sighed, dreaming about a visit. "I sure hope so. Dad says maybe."

"Well, then I hope to see you then. Mom's giving me the death glare, so I'll talk to you later."

I talked to Leah for a little while longer. She always had a way of making me feel better about myself when no one else could. Her attitude was contagious.

That night after I went to bed, I laid awake for a long while thinking about everything. I'd spent almost a whole month feeling sorry for myself. It was time for a change. Both of my parents had taught me to make the best of a bad situation, and what I was doing was just the opposite. There were so many untapped opportunities here. I decided I'd had enough of the pity party. I was done being a selfish downer. Starting tomorrow, I'd be a brand new me.

I woke up Friday morning excited for the day. I wasn't always the world's most chipper person, but I was usually happy to get up and out of the house because it meant I got to see my friends again. I skipped down the stairs for breakfast and kissed Mom's cheek as she gave me a bowl of cereal.

"I love you, Mom. You know you're the best."

She smiled. "Thanks, honey. What happened to you?"

I shrugged. "Can't a girl be happy?"

"I told you," Eli piped in. "She has a crush on a boy."

I stuck my tongue out at him. "I talked to Aunt Leah last night. I've been such a pain in the ass the last few weeks, and I've decided to stop. I'm going to be happy about all this."

Mom raised her eyebrows. "Well, I'm glad to hear it."

Dad was just as pleasantly surprised by my new attitude. "It's about damn time you cheered up."

I gave him a look. But he was right, so I didn't say anything. I paid extra attention to my clothes as I got dressed and ready to go. I wore a cute jean skirt and a yellow top that looked particularly good on me. After putting on some makeup, I braided my hair and found my heels, then I went downstairs to meet Mom and Eli.

"You look so cute today!" Jennifer all but squealed when I saw her at our locker.

I smirked. "Thanks."

"I've never seen you all dolled up before. Is there a special occasion?"

I shrugged. "Not really. I just got tired of being a sourpuss."

She nodded. "We should get together sometime for makeovers." She seemed way too excited about that idea.

I held my hands up. "Hold on there, tiger. No makeovers for me; there's only so much priss I can handle." I could only imagine Jennifer's idea of a makeover. I preferred mine and Hannah's version. Maybe a new outfit, we'd do each other's makeup and paint each other's nails. We'd laugh at each other and make jokes about how stupid we looked with our untrimmed eyebrows or freckles or anything else we could make fun of. It was only more hilarious when one of us had a few pimples. Jennifer was bound to be more inclined to waxing and primping and blush and all kinds of way-too-damn-girly shit.

She pouted. "That's no fun."

"Get used to it. We're going to be late to class." I took my things and started to walk toward my first class. I heard her sigh behind me and shut the locker.

Throughout the day, I shocked a number of people by actually talking to them. I discovered the faux redhead who sat next to me in biology was named Kaitlyn. She was kind of shy but seemed nice. At lunch, I made an effort to be a part of the conversation. I usually sat with Jennifer and the rest, but kept to myself unless someone spoke directly to me. This time, I put in my two cents when I had them to give. I noticed Kyle smiling at me a lot. I smiled back and went on munching my pizza. It made me happy to see others dipping theirs in ranch dressing. When I was younger, I didn't like it so much but I did it just to see Dad make a gross face. It had grown on me, and now I loved it.

I stayed with the group after we'd finished eating. We occupied a large section of the hall, just sitting on the floor and chatting until it was time to go back to class.

"So you're coming tomorrow, right?"

I looked over to see Kyle had sat down beside me. I nodded. "Yeah, I guess. I don't have any presents for you."

He shrugged. "That's okay."

My brow furrowed. "Why did you want to invite me? You don't know me that well."

"Maybe I want to get to know you more."

I raised an eyebrow. Boy, did he know how to gag a maggot. "Do you realize how cliché that sounds?"

He chuckled. "I don't mean it like that. I just meant that I like to have friends and know my friends. You're new, and I figured if you were friends with Jennifer and Lily, you should be friends with me, too."

His blond hair had fallen in front of his eyes, and I had such an urge to push it back so I could see them. I made my fingers stay put on my lap because that was just way too personal a gesture. "Well, if you cut your hair maybe I'll give you a chance."

He laughed again and pushed it back for me. "I can't do that, I'm sorry. What if I keep it out of my eyes?"

"I guess that'll work."

"Awesome." He grinned. I hadn't realized until how wide open a smile he had. It was one of those confident, friendly, reassuring, possibly even cute smiles. I kind of liked it.

* * *

A/N: Thanks so much for reading and giving this story a chance! Please remember to leave a review and let me know your thoughts.

I plan to update once a week for the time being. That may very well change. We'll see. :)


	2. Kissed a Girl

A/N: You guys made my week with all the wonderful reviews! I'm so happy to see so many familiar faces (er . . . pennames?) reviewing. I see a few new ones, too, which is awesome. You don't know how happy it makes me that you've all decided to come back for more.

I forgot to mention in the last chapter's AN that the title for this story comes from the song In This Skin by Jessica Simpson. I'm not really sure if that's relevant, but there you go.

Thank you again to the wonderful WolfGirl1335 for pre-reading. Y'all enjoy the chapter!

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Two

Kissed a Girl

_I kissed a girl and I liked it,  
the taste of her cherry chapstick.  
I kissed a girl just to try it,  
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it.  
It felt so wrong,  
it felt so right.  
Don't mean I'm in love tonight._

-I Kissed a Girl – Katy Perry

* * *

_**Josie**_

"Josie, please?"

I tried really hard to ignore the plea in my little brother's voice and his wide-open eyes begging me to take him to the party with me.

"Please?"

"No."

He pouted. "But I never get to go to parties."

"Yes, you do. You had friends back in Phoenix and you have friends here. It's not my fault none of them have had a birthday yet." I pushed him away from me and leaned over the bathroom counter to put on some makeup.

"But I promise I won't get in anyone's way. I'll be good. I'll sit in the corner and just eat cake the whole time. I swear it, Josie! Cross my heart." He drew an X over his heart with his index finger.

I groaned. The little shit was going to make me late if I didn't get a move on. "Mom!" I hollered.

Eli's eyes widened. "No," he whispered harshly. "You're gonna get me in trouble."

That was kind of the idea.

"What?" Mom called from downstairs.

"Eli's being a pain in my ass; can you come beat him or something?"

The little shithead pouted and smacked my hip. "You're such a big jerk."

"Eli, honey, come here, baby."

I rolled my eyes. She sure didn't sound like she was going to beat him. Dammit.

Eli ran down the hall toward the stairs. "I wasn't bugging her, Mom!" He cried along the way.

I laughed to myself and leaned over the counter again to finish putting on my makeup. I didn't want to overdo it, but I did want to make an impression. If I was really done with the pouty bullshit, I needed to be more like myself. I needed to be radiant and confident with a hint of bitch to let people know I wasn't going to take their shit.

Once I was finished with my makeup, I straightened my hair and went to get my shoes. I shoved my phone and a few other things I might need into my pockets and called it good. Mom had tried to convince me to at least get Kyle a card, and I had finally relented after she told me for the third time that it was rude to show up to a birthday party without some kind of gift. I wasn't sure why she pushed it so hard. I skipped down the stairs and got the card off the kitchen counter. It was a simple birthday card with a picture of a dog in a party hat. I'd gotten it because the dog on the front reminded me of the one we used to have.

"Mom, I'm pretty much ready to go." I quickly signed the card and put it in the envelope. "Please tell me you are, too."

She came into the kitchen with Eli hot on her heels. "All ready." She got her keys off the counter and smiled at me. "You have the address?"

I nodded and pulled my phone out. I read it off to her from the text Jennifer had sent. It was just a few streets away. I could have walked if I wasn't lazy and taken so much time to get ready.

"Okay. Let's go."

Eli begged to go with us, but thankfully Mom put a stop to that. He was ten whole years old; he'd be fine alone for five minutes. Mom and I got into the car, and I read off the address and the shitty directions Jennifer had given to me. We found the place thanks to the birthday sign and balloons on the front door.

"When should I come get you?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Give me a few hours, I guess."

She nodded. "Have fun, sweetie. Call me if you want to come back earlier than that."

I leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Thanks, Mom. Love you."

I got out of the car and went up to ring the doorbell. An older woman answered it and smiled at me. Her short brown hair was done in a style that reminded me of old movies.

"Hello; are you here for Kyle's party?"

I nodded. "Yep. I'm Josie."

She stepped back and let me in. "Hi, Josie. I'm Kyle's mom, Katherine." She held out her hand, and I shook it. She led me to the living room where a few people were sitting around. I saw Kyle on the couch with Lily, Jennifer, and a few other people around him. They looked up when I came in, and Kyle's face brightened in a huge smile.

"Look who made it," he said as he waved me over. "Come in."

I pushed back a brief wave of uneasiness and reminded myself of my resolve. I smiled and went to sit down with the rest of the group. The only spot open was the one right next to Kyle, so I took it and held the card out to him.

"Technically, that's from my mom because she made me get it."

He laughed. "Thanks." He took it and set it on the arm of the couch.

The conversations started up where I assumed they had left off, and I just put myself in when I had something to say. A few other people showed up, then Katherine came in with a huge cake. I laughed at the look on Kyle's face when we all sang to him. After he opened the few presents that were there and Katherine took a zillion pictures of everyone, she left the room again. A few other people had to leave for one reason or another. Soon there were just six of us left.

One of the boys was looking at the game console Kyle had gotten.

"Dude, we need to open this."

Kyle agreed, so the guys all worked together to get it opened and set up.

"And this is where the party gets boring," Jennifer laughed. "They'll be busy for a while, I guess."

I shrugged and picked up the games he'd gotten. "I don't know. This one looks pretty fun." I held up a zombie game that promised to be violent, bloody, and terrifying.

Keith laughed. "Girls don't know how to play those games."

I raised my eyebrow at him. He wasn't as tall as Kyle, and his brown hair always looked oily and gross. "Are you challenging me?"

He pulled up his pants like I'd seen him do a hundred times. The boy didn't know what a belt was. Or at least how to buy pants that fit him. Poor thing. "I'm stating a fact. You're too scared and weak to play such a hardcore game."

"Shut up, Keith," Kyle said, leaning over the TV. "She can play if she wants."

I smirked. I wasn't going to push it now, but someday I'd show him just how weak and scared I wasn't. I sat back with the girls for a while and watched the boys play a _Mario_ game. Jason won two out of three games, then they changed to the zombie one.

"Do you want to play?" Kyle asked me.

I shook my head. "Thanks, but not right now."

Keith chuckled. "Told ya."

I frowned. "You know what? I changed my mind. I'll play, but I'm going against Keith."

The boys all laughed. I snatched the controller from Kyle's hand and waited for Keith to start the damn thing. Josh was a video game freak, and I used to spend hours playing all kinds of games with him. Mom wasn't sure she liked me playing the shoot-em-up, violent games, but I calmed her down by saying it was a way to relieve stress. It wasn't like I was using the game strategies to plan something in real life. The game Kyle had was a newer version of one Josh's favorite games. I already knew all the basic ins and outs. I kicked Keith's ass within the first ten minutes.

"Oh, dude, you just got your ass handed to you by a girl," Kyle said, laughing.

Keith glared at me. "I wasn't ready. Let's go again."

I chuckled. "Sure, but you'll just lose again."

He sneered at me. I did win again. "You stupid bitch! That wasn't fair."

Kyle walked up and plucked the controller out of his hands. "We all saw what happened; she won fair and square. Don't be such a sore loser."

Keith stood up. "She's a girl!"

Kyle smiled. "So you noticed."

I laughed to myself and slinked off to stand by the girls again. The boys continued to argue.

"Good job." Jennifer held up her hand for a high five. I slapped her hand.

"Thanks."

The next little while was a bit awkward thanks to Keith who wouldn't accept defeat. He kept making stupid comments about what I'd done wrong in the game. Jason and Kyle weren't the only ones to tell him to let it go, but he refused.

"What other games have you got?" Lily asked.

Kyle shrugged. "Not a lot. I've got some board games. We could play Twister. Or Spin the Bottle."

I snorted. "Really? Aren't those a little young for our crowd?"

He crossed his arms over his chest and gave me a smug grin. "Well, I have more adult games, but we can't play them with my mom around."

I looked down at my feet to hide my blush. I didn't gripe again when everyone decided on Spin the Bottle. It was so juvenile. My brother should be playing this game, not me. As we sat in the circle, I looked around at the faces of my friends. I sure hoped I didn't actually have to kiss any of them.

Jennifer went first. She put on some chapstick before she leaned forward and gave the bottle a spin. It landed on Jason. He grinned and leaned forward.

"Come here, beautiful."

She giggled and leaned in to kiss him.

Jason spun next and kissed Lily. After she spun and kissed Keith, Keith gave me a smirk and picked up the bottle.

"Can I just put it down like this?" he asked, pointing it right at me.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Try it and I'll bite your lips off."

He laughed. "Ooh, feisty. I like that." He spun anyway and grimaced when it landed on Kyle. "No offense, dude, but hell no."

Kyle grinned. "Rules are rules, Keith. Pucker up." He leaned over and reached out to grab Keith. Keith was faster and stood up. I laughed with the others as Kyle chased him. Lily squealed and flattened herself against the wall when they rushed past her. Kyle was the faster one and caught up to Keith. They struggled for a few minutes before Kyle finally managed to plant a kiss on Keith's cheek.

Keith pushed Kyle off and made a bunch of gagging noises as he got up and wiped his cheek on the sleeve of his shirt. "You are one disgusting asshole."

Kyle chuckled and came back to the circle. "I could have kissed your lips. Keep that in mind, dick." He picked up the bottle while Keith made his way back over. He spun, and it landed on me. I grimaced. Kyle laughed. "Don't bite me, okay?"

I smiled. "I'll try not to." We both leaned forward. I had planned on just kissing his cheek, but he was faster than I was. He pecked my lips and sat back. I tried not to grumble as I picked up the bottle and spun. It landed on Lily.

"Oh, yeah!" Jason cheered. "Girl-on-girl action. This ought to be sweet."

I snorted and looked at Lily. "Come on, sugar." She blushed and leaned over to me. I gave her a quick kiss and sat back.

Jason sighed dejectedly. "That could have been so much hotter."

I reached over and patted his knee. "That's what porn is for."

He nodded, and the game continued on. We played a few more rounds before Katherine came to tell me my mom was here. I glanced at the clock, shocked to see it was almost seven. I said goodbye to everyone and left.

"How was the party?" Mom asked.

I shrugged and nodded. "It was pretty good. I showed Keith how gory video games are supposed to be played."

She smiled. "I'm glad you had fun, sweetie."

Dinner was ready when we got home. Dad and Eli had made pizzas. They turned out pretty good. I was in a chatty mood and laughed my way through telling my family what had happened between Kyle and Keith. "Oh, and I kissed a girl."

Eli gagged theatrically. "That's so gross!"

Dad chuckled. "You won't think that in a few years."

"Jake?" Mom demanded. She obviously disapproved of his comment.

He shrugged. "What? He won't." He looked at Mom for a second before he sighed and turned his attention to me. "He's right; that's so gross."

Mom pursed her lips. "You shouldn't be kissing anyone."

I gave her a look. "Right, like you weren't kissing boys at fifteen." Besides that, I thought she was the one that was all for me getting a boyfriend.

She met my eyes for a second before she looked down at her plate. The whole table was so silent for several minutes. Dad finally cleared his throat. "Regardless, just because you're fifteen doesn't mean you need to be locking lips. Ness, can I talk to you for a minute?" He stood up and held out his hand to her. She nodded and put her hand in his before she stood up.

"Nice going, jerkface," Eli muttered.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Fuck off." I was done. I didn't know what the hell I said that upset Mom, but it must have been something serious. Instead of trying to eavesdrop on my parents, I went to my room and called Hannah. She had requested a full play-by-play of the party when I mentioned Kyle was tall and blond with blue eyes. It was the type she always fell for.

"Look at you gettin' your freak on with another girl," she said.

I laughed. "Yeah, it was totally hot."

"So you kissed a girl. Did you like it?"

"It rocked my world, especially her cherry chapstick."

"Too bad you don't have a boyfriend to mind it."

"Still don't mean I'm in love."

She snorted. "God, we're retarded."

"Aw, Hannah, I wouldn't have you any other way." I gripped my phone tighter and wished harder than I'd ever wished before that I was back home where I could hug her. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too. I can't wait for you to come home. Well, I guess back. You're home now."

I groaned. "I still don't feel like I'm home. I want to be in Arizona so badly."

"I know. I wasn't ready to let you go yet. Now my little girl has to grow up all on her own." She sobbed melodramatically. "What am I going to do without you?" she wailed.

"Oh, shut up. I can do without your pretend hysterics, thank you very much." I sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. I could only pace so much.

"If you don't want me to cry about it, what _do_ you want me to do?" she asked.

I groaned. "I don't know."

"I thought you'd decided to be a punk-ass bitch instead of a mopey, whiney bitch."

"Can't I just be a plain bitch?"

She laughed. "Plain is boring. Seriously, though, I wish you were here, too, but you're not. You're there with hot guys, so you have to let me live vicariously through you."

I laid down on my back. "Yeah, like you don't have hot guys there."

"I've known most of these hot guys my whole life. You have different hot guys. You have to tell me what your hot guys are like."

I laughed but agreed. We talked for a little while longer before I had to go to finish my homework. Once that was done, I ventured downstairs to see if Mom was still upset. I found Dad and Eli in the kitchen washing the dishes together. I smiled when Dad flicked Eli with water. Eli cried out in surprise and tried to shield himself a second too late.

I turned down the hall and went to find Mom. She was in her room, sitting on the bed reading a book. I knocked on the open door. She looked at me and smiled.

"Hey, baby. Come in." She closed the book and put it on the nightstand.

I walked in and sat on the bed in front of her. "Hey, Mom. Can I ask you something?"

She scooted forward and covered my hand with hers. "You know you can."

I nodded. "What did I say earlier that upset you?"

She smiled and looked down at the bed. "It was silly. I have these wild ideas of you finding a boyfriend and being happy and all that, but then I think about what you would actually do with a boyfriend, and I don't like the idea so much. I never had the kinds of friends in school that invited me to birthday parties and played games like that with me. I never kissed any boys."

I raised an eyebrow. "Were you a prude, Mom?"

She laughed. "Not exactly by choice." She moved back against the headboard again and brought her knees up to her chest. I crossed my legs and leaned down with my elbows on my knees. "I met your dad when I was nineteen, just a few months from turning twenty. Before him, I never really had any friends. I never had any boyfriends, either. Your dad was the first person I ever kissed."

"How did I never know that?"

She shrugged. "I guess because we've never really had a reason to talk about it before."

I thought it was really sweet. A regular love story, complete with happy ever after ending. "So you never kissed anyone at all before him?"

She shook her head. "No one."

I quirked my lips. "You don't expect me to never kiss anyone, do you?"

She smiled and shook her head again. "No, I don't. That was what your dad wanted to talk to me about. My childhood wasn't exactly normal. I mean, I'm not exactly normal, so how could it have been? I shouldn't expect you to stay away from boys. We agreed we've been lucky with you so far; you haven't seemed very interested in them."

"Boys are gross. I got enough of them dealing with Dad, Eli, and Josh; not to mention the few guy friends I had in Arizona."

"Yeah, they're pretty disgusting sometimes. But, you learn to overlook all that when you really love them."

I couldn't imagine overlooking some of the stuff I'd seen Josh do. Or even Dad. I wondered if Eli would grow up thinking various bodily functions were as hilarious as they did or if maybe I could somehow save him. It was probably hopeless. "What if I plan on never falling in love?"

She smiled like she was keeping some great secret. "Then it'll slap you in the face when you least expect it."

I huffed. "No thanks."

Mom crossed her legs like me and sighed. "Anyway, I was planning to tell you that your dad and I talked about it, and you can kiss boys if you want. You can even date boys if you want. Just nothing else."

I knew exactly what she was thinking. "You have nothing to worry about, Mom."

She chuckled. "I know you're probably ready to end this conversation, but I need to say one more thing."

I nodded. "Okay."

She scooted forward and reached out to put her hands on my arms. "Remember that you can talk to me about anything. I mean that, Josie. Anything. Boys, girls, school, Arizona; anything."

I smiled. "I know. And I'm sorry that I made you think I was mad at you before. Dad told you I'm not, right?"

"Yeah, he did. I should have been the one to come talk to you about that, but I was afraid."

"It's okay." I leaned forward and hugged her. "I love you, Mom."

She hugged me back tightly. "I love you, too, honey."

"I kissed Kyle today."

She pulled back and laughed. "And you said you don't like boys."

"I only kissed him because he spun the bottle and it landed on me. But I still kissed him. Should I tell Dad?"

"Yes," Dad said from the doorway. "You should."

I looked over and smiled sheepishly. "I kissed a boy."

He came in stood beside Mom and me. "So I heard."

"I almost had to kiss two boys, but I threatened the first one with the loss of his lips."

Dad laughed. "That's my girl." He leaned down and kissed my head. "I'll leave you girls alone now; I didn't mean to interrupt."

I got up. "I think we're done anyway. Right, Mom?"

Mom nodded. "Yeah. Did you get your homework done?"

"Yep. I'm gonna get ready for bed, I think. Love you guys."

* * *

I smirked to myself as Eli kicked a pebble and watched it skitter down the street. Mom and Dad had all but kicked us out of the house for being too distracting. They didn't say it, of course, but I knew they just wanted to get frisky without the possibility of interruption. Eli was just upset that he couldn't watch his movie. Even though the thought of it didn't completely gross me out, I sure didn't want to be in the house when I knew that was going on. I talked Eli into going for a walk with me and all but dragged him out into the rain. We had our umbrellas, but I was still soaking wet from my knees down.

"Cheer up, sourpuss," I said. I reached out and pushed his shoulder.

He scowled at me. "Speak for yourself."

"Hey, I have cheered up. Now it's your turn."

He grumbled and kicked another rock. "It's not fair that they get to kick us out of our own house."

"You could have gone up to your room, but then you'd be bored and want a snack or something, then you'd have to ask Mom or Dad for something and walk in on something that would scar you for life. Trust me, kiddo; I know what I'm talking about."

He scowled. "I'm not stupid. I know what sex is."

I laughed. "Then you should know you don't want to hear Mom and Dad going at it."

"Aw, Josie, you're disgusting."

He started to walk away from me. I chased after him. "I'm just saying you shouldn't be so upset. You should be happy you get to go outside to escape it."

He stopped and turned around to look at me. "I am happy." He paused for a second and sighed before he sat down on the wet grass of our front lawn. I sat next to him. "I really am." He folded his umbrella and set it beside him. "I mean, yeah I have to get soaking wet to play outside longer than a half an hour, but do you know how many times I wished I could in Arizona?"

His hair was already plastered to his forehead. I reached out to run my fingers through it, causing it to stick up in spikes. The rain smoothed it back down. "I have a general idea."

"It's really amazing."

I smiled and put my umbrella down as well. It was a little annoying getting wet like this, but it was also a little liberating. "Come on, Eli. We've been here almost a whole month, and we've never danced in the rain. I think it's a requirement to live here."

He laughed and got up with me. I held his hands and we spun around in a circle together. The smile on his face and the sound of his laughter caused another chip of disdain for this place to fall away. In the end, wasn't that what it was all about? Wasn't everything worth the struggle and the hassle of getting used to new shit if he got to be so happy? He might be a real pain in my ass a lot of the time, but there were very few things that could make my heart feel as light as seeing that carefree smile on his face.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope everyone has a wonderful week :)


	3. This Friend

A/N: Not much to say. Thanks for being awesome readers. Like GMAS, this story will take a few chapters to really take off, so I apologize if it's a little boring to begin with. I promise it won't stay that way :) Enjoy!

Thanks for WolfGirl1335 for pre-reading and suggesting the song for this chapter.

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Three

This Friend

_I've got this friend  
She sings a simple song  
Oh I've got this friend  
Holding onto her heart  
Like it's a little secret  
Like it's all she's got to give_

-I've Got This Friend – The Civil Wars

* * *

_**Josie**_

I watched Jason and Jennifer together on Monday at lunch with a scrutinizing eye. I'd never paid much attention to Jason. He was cute, I supposed, with a short, dark brown mohawk and bright green eyes. He was always nice to me. I had to wonder if Jennifer had been so interested in him before Kyle's party. I couldn't remember her flirting so heavily with him.

"Whatcha looking at?" Kyle asked as he sat next to me with his tray.

I glanced over at him. "Are Jason and Jennifer dating?"

He chuckled. "Not that I know of. He's been into her for years, though."

I raised an eyebrow. "Has she just not noticed?"

I looked over at him when he didn't say anything. He was just looking at me. "What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

"No, not nothing; why were you staring at me?"

I watched him take a few bites of his lunch. He was purposely stalling, and it was annoying. I wondered briefly if there was something in a boy's genetic code that made him eat too fast and spill milk down his chin when he drank. How could my mom think I'd actually like one of them? He turned to me after a few more minutes and wiped his chin with his hand. His hair was in his eyes again.

"Because you're cute."

I snorted. "Shut up."

I didn't question him about Jennifer and Jason again. I ignored another urge to push his hair back and instead imagined it stabbing him in the eyes as I ate my lunch. I smiled at the thought.

I met Jennifer in the hall after lunch was over. We were walking to our locker together.

"So," I said casually. "Jason's cute."

She giggled. "I know, right? I love the thing he's got going on with his hair."

I looked at her. "When are you going out with him?"

Her smile disappeared. "Oh, he doesn't like me like that."

"That's not what Kyle says."

Her eyes widened. "You were talking to him about it?"

I shrugged. "You were otherwise occupied. He says Jason's liked you like that for a while."

She was quiet for a moment until we reached the locker. She got a few things from her half and stood back so I could get in. "So he likes me?"

"Duh. Didn't you see the way he was looking at you? Or the way he called you beautiful at the party?" I got my book and shut the locker. "Give it a few days, and if he doesn't ask you out, you should ask him."

She all but gasped. "I can't ask him."

"Don't be a pussy, Jen. If you like him, ask him." I gave her my book to hold while I tied my hair back.

"I'm not a pussy."

"And you like him, right?" I took my book back and we started walking toward English.

She sighed. It was definitely lovestruck. "Yeah, I do."

"You don't have to do it right away. Drop little hints that you like him, and either he'll ask or he'll like you even more for having the guts when he didn't."

She chewed on her lip through most of class. I wondered how much of Mr. Jeffrey's lecture she actually heard. Like it really mattered. We all knew how to speak English; this class was just to pass time anyway. We walked out together after class. Trish met up with us almost as soon as we walked out the door. She was breathing heavy like she'd just run a marathon and smiling like an idiot.

"Oh my God!" she squealed. "You guys will never guess what just happened?"

I took a wild guess. "You fucked your boyfriend in the janitor's closet?" I wasn't even sure she had a boyfriend.

She scowled at me for half a second before she smiled again. "No, but I did just get invited to Brandon Meyer's party!"

Jennifer squealed like a pig and jumped up and down. I raised an eyebrow and took a step away from them.

"No way!" Jennifer cried. "Brandon Meyer? Oh, Trish, that's so exciting!"

Trish reached out and grabbed Jennifer's arms. "The best part is that you guys get to come, too. I didn't actually talk to Brandon—God I wish I had—but I talked to his brother Martin. He said I could invite my friends to come as well!"

I had a feeling I was missing something pretty big. I'd heard of Brandon Meyer, the god among seniors. I'd even seen him once or twice. It seemed to me that he never went anywhere without a slutty blonde cheerleader attached to his arm like a damn ornament.

Jennifer looked like she was about to pass out. "Me? I get to go to Brandon Meyer's party? Oh, Trish, I think I need to sit down." She fanned herself.

"So when is this super amazing party?" I asked.

Trish sighed and looked at me. "Brandon Meyer is the cream of the crop when it comes to boys. To be invited to one of his parties means you're on someone important's A list. All the cool people are going to be there. Do you realize what this means? It means we're cool."

"Yeah, but I already knew that," I said. I didn't really care about my social status. It was nice to know I had friends and that some people may look up to me, but I didn't want to be a bubblegum cheerleader that had to fuck the football team to be happy. I just wanted to be me.

"Well, nobody's making you come." Trish turned from me, back to Jennifer.

Jennifer sighed and looked at me. "Please come? Don't do it to be cool; do it because I'm asking you to come with me. The more friends I have around me, the less chance I have of making a total fool of myself."

I looked at my feet and quirked my lips. "When is it?"

The ball rang before they could answer me. I hadn't realized so much time had passed. Jennifer's eyes widened. "Oh, crap! Tell us after school, Trish. I'm so excited!" She hugged Trish quickly then rushed off to her next class. I offered a wave before I went on my way.

The last two classes of the day were boring and useless. I couldn't have been happier when it was finally over. I met Jennifer at our locker, then we found Trish and Lily in the commons.

"What is it with my friends not wanting to go to this party?" Trish asked with a grimace.

Lily scowled. "I won't go because I know there'll be alcohol there. It _is_ a senior boy's party."

Jennifer whined. "But you won't have to drink anything."

Lily shook her head. "No thank you. It's not like my parents would let me go anyway."

Trish scoffed. "You think my parents are going to let me go? They won't even know about it. They'll think I'm fast asleep in my bed while I'm sneaking out and partying my ass off."

"And getting drunk and probably fucking someone." Lily took a step back. "It's just not my thing. Sorry."

Jennifer nodded. "It's okay. Josie and Trish will be there, right?" She looked at me.

The idea of being able to finally go to the kinds of parties I'd heard Josh talk about was intriguing. He'd mentioned drinking and dancing and letting loose. I'd only seen him drunk once, but it was so hilarious I wanted to find some more alcohol just to see him like that again. I wondered if I'd be as carefree as he was.

"Yeah, I'll be there. When is it?"

Trish jumped and clapped her hands together. "It's in three weeks; October twelfth. You will not regret going, I swear."

The more I thought about it, the more I kind of liked the possibilities. "Text me all the information. My mom's probably waiting for me. See you guys tomorrow." I waved and walked away.

All through homework and dinner that night, I debated with myself about whether or not I should tell my parents about the party. There was a good chance they'd let me go if I just told them it was another birthday party. Or even an early Halloween party. But then I'd have to dress up, and that would be weird. Not to mention I knew I'd feel bad for lying to them. I wasn't the kind of teenager that constantly fought with her parents and snuck out of the house. I'd never even had my own beer before. I'd had a few tastes of alcohol here and there, mostly thanks to Josh and his rebellion years, but it wasn't like I was dying to know what it was like.

"What's eating you?" Mom asked after dinner. I was on cleanup duty, and she was helping me wash the dishes. I wondered, not for the first time, why we didn't have a dishwasher. I thought maybe it was because Mom was the kind of clean freak that liked to do everything by hand like she was in the stone ages.

I looked at her and shrugged. "Nothing."

She nodded. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure." I didn't say anything else about it, and neither did she.

Once all the dishes were clean and put away, we joined Dad and Eli in the living room to watch a movie. I was distracted the whole way through and barely paid attention to a thing. I wanted to know what I should do. By the time it was over, I'd pretty much decided that I needed to talk to Josh. Maybe he could tell me if I needed to keep it a secret.

I still wasn't completely sure. I wrote and erased a dozen texts to Josh before I deleted everything and put my phone down. I had three weeks to decide; it wasn't like it was that urgent. With that in mind, I took a deep breath and told myself to chill out, then I went to bed.

* * *

"Has he said anything yet?" I asked Jennifer on Thursday. I'd watched her flirt with Jason every single day. If he hadn't caught on yet, it was time for her to make a move.

She looked at the ground. "No, not yet."

I put my arm around her shoulders. "Okay, here's what you need to do. It's kind of a last resort before you do the asking."

She looked at me with an excited gleam in her eyes. "What?"

"The next time you two are standing around or in class together or whatever, drop something in front of him. Bend to pick it up, but make sure your ass is facing him." I said it like I actually knew what I was talking about. I'd heard that little tip from Hannah a few months before we moved. It seemed like good advice, but I'd never had any reason or desire to test it.

She nodded. "Then what?"

I pulled back and shrugged. "Then stand up."

"That's it?"

"The male brain is surprisingly simple."

She laughed. "I doubt that. So just shoving my ass in his face is going to get him to ask me out?"

It did sound odd. "I guess you could try flirting with someone else and see if he gets jealous."

She smiled hugely. "Oh my God, that's a great idea! Thanks, Josie."

What could I say? I was a genius. "You're welcome." I looked over when I saw Kyle and Jason walking up to us. "Speak of the devil."

Jennifer looked, and her eyes widened. "What do I do?"

"Act like you're madly in love with Kyle."

She grimaced. "Really?"

I laughed. "Unless you want to start flirting with some random guy, yes."

"The things I do for a possible boyfriend," she sighed.

"Hey, ladies," Kyle said as they reached us.

Jennifer took a step closer to him and looked up at him through her lashes. "Hey, Kyle." Jason's brow furrowed as he looked at Kyle. This was so going to work.

Kyle smiled a little uncomfortably at Jennifer's sudden closeness. "What's up?"

She flipped her hair behind her shoulder and leaned in a little. "Oh, nothing much. The usual, I guess. Getting ready for class." Damn, she had the flirting thing down.

Kyle took a step closer to me, backing away from Jennifer. "How are you, Josie?"

I shrugged. "I'm doing." I almost laughed out loud at the confusion on both boys' faces when Jennifer placed herself right next to Kyle and wrapped her hands around his arm.

"What's your first class again? I forgot." She pouted a little like she was really sorry for forgetting.

Kyle swallowed and looked at me like he was asking for help. "Um, gym."

She hummed. "I bet that's hard, having to get all hot and sweaty first thing in the morning." She trailed her fingers up his arm.

I barely contained my laughter. I wanted to tell her she was being a little too aggressive, but I couldn't say anything with Jason there. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was staring at her hands like he wanted to tear them away from Kyle.

Kyle cleared his throat and pulled away from her. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, I guess I'm used to it. Or getting there. So, Josie, um, let me walk you to math. It's on the way." He all but grabbed my arm and pulled me with him as he started to walk away. Luckily I already had what I needed.

I looked behind me and gave Jennifer a wink. I saw her lick her lips and smile at Jason before Kyle pulled me around a corner.

"Jesus Christ," Kyle muttered. "What the fuck has gotten into her?"

I pulled out of his grasp and laughed. "She's trying to get Jason to ask her out."

He snorted. "Yeah, hitting on me is totally going to make that happen."

"It was kind of my fault. Sorry."

We stopped outside of my class. "How is it your fault?"

I wrapped my arms around my book, holding it in front of me. "I sort of gave her the idea that making Jason jealous would get him to speak up and do something."

Kyle was silent for a second before he nodded. "Actually, that is a good idea. It'll either work or he'll kick my ass for trying to steal his girl."

I patted his shoulder. "Don't be like that; he won't kick your ass. You're tougher than him." I squeezed his arm for emphasis then walked into class.

I saw Jennifer a few times throughout the day, but I didn't get a chance to talk really to her again until lunch. I asked her if anything good had happened and was disappointed when all she could report was a sour attitude from Jason.

"I really, really don't want to have to ask him," she all but pleaded.

"Then I'll go tell him to ask you."

"No, you can't do that!" she gasped.

"Why not?"

She groaned and opened her soda. "Because girls don't ask guys to ask their friends out. That'd just be pathetic. On my part."

I sighed. "All right. Let me think. Maybe Trish has some ideas on how to score a boyfriend."

"Or maybe you could stop flirting with me and just ask him already," Kyle said as he sat down beside me. He made sure to sit away from Jennifer.

She blushed. "Sorry about that."

He shrugged. "It's okay. Josie told me everything."

Jennifer sighed. "Maybe you could talk to him. Don't tell him to ask me out or anything, just let him know that I kinda think I like him."

"Guys don't talk about that shit," he said through a mouthful of food.

I looked at him. "I happen to know plenty of guys who do." At least I thought I did. I could pretend that once upon a time maybe my dad talked to Uncle Sam about my mom. Josh had to have guy friends that he talked to about various girlfriends.

I thought he raised an eyebrow, but it was hard to tell with his hair in the way. "Really? Who?"

I swallowed. "My dad." Maybe.

He chuckled. "Your dad's a pansy then."

My brow furrowed. If he knew my dad, he'd be fearing for his life right now. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you," I said harshly. "Want to say that again?"

He stared at me for a second before he smiled and shook his head. "No thanks. I like my balls where they are."

"That's what I thought."

"When guys talk about a girl, it's either to complain about how much of a bitch she is or to agree we'd all like to fuck her." Kyle shrugged and went back to his lunch.

I scowled at my tray and mostly uneaten food. "Men are pigs."

"Agreed," Jennifer said.

"Okay, if you can't talk to Jason about Jennifer because of some sacred guy code, could you deliver a message to him?" Kyle gave me a skeptical glance but nodded. "Tell him he's a dumbass and that I told him to open his goddamn eyes."

"And why exactly can't you tell him this?"

I finally gave in to the urge I'd had since I first talked to him and pushed his hair out of his eyes. "Because if you don't, I'm going to strap you down and shave your head."

He leaned back and laughed out loud. "All right. I've give him the message." He chuckled again.

I turned to Jennifer and gave her a wink. She smiled and bounced in her seat a little. I think we both knew her date with Jason was on the horizon. If it really came down to it, I'd lock them in a closet together until they talked to each other.

* * *

I bugged Kyle as often as I could through the rest of the day and Friday about Jason. I was pretty sure he got really sick of me, but I was okay with that as long as he did what he said he'd do. I even took the opportunity to text him a few times throughout the weekend.

Trish texted me on Sunday night with all of the information about the upcoming party at Brandon the Senior's house. I was still undecided about how I should work the situation with my parents. I really didn't like the idea of lying to them or sneaking out.

After dinner, I made the excuse that I had a few last-minute things I'd forgotten to do on my homework, then I disappeared upstairs. I knew I'd let the whole thing twist in my gut until I broke down and talked to someone. I got my phone and found Josh's number. I was nervous to call him for some reason I couldn't define. I decided it was just because I didn't want him to tell me not to go. I wanted his support, and there was a good chance he'd tell me it was too dangerous for one reason or another.

I pushed that thought away, closed my eyes, and pushed the call button.

"Hey, Josh," I said when he answered.

"Hey, Trouble. How's it going?"

I groaned and laid back on the bed. "I need help."

"What's wrong?" He sounded concerned like he always did when Hannah and I called him to come rescue us. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened. I'm fine; I just need advice, I guess."

"Okay. What's up?" He was much more relaxed.

"I got invited to a party." I covered my face with my free hand and waited for him to enlighten me on what the hell I should do.

He was silent for a few seconds. "And . . .?" he prodded.

I grunted and sat up. "And I don't know what I should do. It's some senior guy's party, and I don't know if Mom and Dad would let me go. Lily says there's going to be beer, which I guess is kind of a given, but I think if I told them that, they'd definitely say no. Should I just not tell them and sneak out?"

He was laughing by the time I was done. "You sound so freaked out. It's just a party, Josie."

I sighed. "No, it's not just a party. It's a senior party that I probably shouldn't go to, but I want to. You went to them, right? I remember seeing you get really drunk."

"Yeah, I did. But I'm a guy; some shit is different for me." He hesitated a second before he groaned. "Okay, here's what you need to do. Tell your parents you're going. Tell them it's a senior thing. Don't tell them there'll be alcohol. If it comes up later, say you didn't know about it. But you have to tell them, because if you get into trouble there, I can't come rescue you. If you leave in the middle of the night and have to call for help, there'll be a lot more fighting and arguing than if you just tell them what's going on."

"What about the whole 'it's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is permission' thing?"

"Fuck that rule; it doesn't apply when you're talking about going to a party where you know you're going to be drinking. For me, it's different. I didn't have to worry about drunken assholes coming on to me or anybody trying to slip anything into my drink. You've got to be careful, Josie. Shit happens, and a bunch of drunk guys is trouble you don't want or need."

"I thought that only happens in college." Why did being a girl have to suck so badly sometimes?

"No, it happens all the damn time. Just be careful, okay. You know you're important to me, and I don't have a way to get up there right now to fuck someone up if they hurt you."

My heart warmed. I knew Josh would do anything to protect me. He looked after me like he looked after Hannah. "I'll be careful, Josh. And I guess I'll tell my parents about it."

"Thanks. I gotta run; I'm going to be late for work. At the party, don't drink anything that isn't yours and don't let any asshole talk you into doing anything you don't want to do."

"I got it. Go to work, Josh; I'll talk to you later." I hung up before I could take any more of his time. I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. I didn't want to believe that I could get into the kind of trouble Josh talked about, but at the same time, I didn't want to go without having an escape route. Just in case.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave me some review love :)


	4. Kickin' In

A/N: Happy Wednesday, everyone! I know I say this with almost every chapter update ever, but you guys rock my socks. I love all your reviews. Thanks for being awesome!

So this chapter . . . I'm a little bit nervous that some readers will question Jake's parenting. Hopefully you all at least understand why he does what he does. That's all I'm going to say about it :)

Enjoy!

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Four

Kickin' In

_She puts the shot glass down,  
She ask for another round,  
She wants to hit the clouds.  
Honey, are you up there now?  
She puts the shot glass down,  
She ask for another round,  
__Girl, don't you hit the ground.  
Is it kickin' in?_

-Kickin' In – Adam Lambert

* * *

_**Josie**_

I wasn't sure when I wanted to talk to my parents about the party. A part of me wanted to do it right away so they'd have time to accept the fact that I was going or if I should wait a while and not let them have a chance to change their minds once I got them to agree.

I groaned to myself and put my phone away, then I made sure I had everything I needed for school on Monday. I thought about texting Jennifer to see if anything had happened with Jason over the weekend, but I figured I could get all the juicy details the next day. If she really needed to squeal at me over something, she'd call.

I met up with her at our locker the next morning. She didn't look any more or less happy than usual.

"Can I assume there was no asking over the weekend?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I didn't really expect it, but no. Maybe today." She raised her eyebrows and smiled.

I'd give it until the next weekend before I tied them together. "Maybe."

* * *

After dinner Wednesday night, I helped Eli clean up, then he went to finish his homework. Mom and Dad were talking in their room. I wasn't sure I wanted to interrupt them, but I took a deep breath and braved what could be a sickening scene and walked down the hall their room.

They were sitting on the bed, Mom tucked under Dad's arm as they laughed about something. I cleared my throat and knocked on the door.

"Mom? Dad?"

They looked over at me. "Hi, honey," Mom said. "Come in."

I shuffled in a few steps and looked down at my feet for a second. "Um, can I talk to you guys about something?"

"Of course, Josie. What's wrong?"

I twisted my hands together in front of me for a second before I sucked up all of my courage and spit it out. "I got invited to a party next weekend, and I really, really want to go."

"Is it safe to assume this isn't another birthday party?" Dad asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. I mean, no, it's not a birthday party. It's . . . One of the senior boys is throwing it."

Dad sat up and patted the end of the bed. "Come sit down, honey."

I swallowed and went. "My friends Trish and Jennifer are going, too. And maybe Kyle. I know Keith is going. He's friends with Brandon's brother Martin. Brandon's the one throwing it."

"Do you know Brandon?" Dad asked.

I shook my head. "No. I've seen him a few times around school, but I've never even talked to him. He's like the king of high school, though. He's super popular and everyone loves him." I didn't, but that was beside the point.

Dad looked at Mom for a second. She licked her lips and glanced at me. "Do you know if this is the kind of party where his parents are out of town?"

I pursed my lips and looked down at the blanket. Crap. Did that mean she knew what was going to be there? "I don't know. But I still really want to go. All of the cool kids are going to be there, and you don't know how awesome it is that I was even invited."

Dad's brow furrowed. "You've never struck me as the kind of girl who really cared about that kind of thing."

Mom gave him a look. "Of course she does, Jake. She's a growing, maturing teenager. You can't expect her to not care about what other people think of her." She looked at me and smiled. "I think it's great that you were invited, but this might not be the best thing for you to go to."

I groaned. "Come on, Mom! Dad, help me out here. It's just a party. How bad could a party really be?"

Dad huffed. "Bad. Try people getting drunk and passing out or puking all over the place."

Well, shit. So he knew about the alcohol. My chances had just been shot. Maybe. "What if I promised I wouldn't drink anything?"

Dad sighed. "You can't promise that."

I sat back a little. "Yes, I can. Nobody can make me drink anything."

"She has a point, Jake."

Yes! With Mom on my side, I was a little closer to winning the argument.

"Until someone spikes her drink or switches it with something else." He turned back to me. "Hell, Josie, I know how you are when it comes to someone challenging you. What will you do when someone says you're too scared to take a drink?"

I'd take a fucking drink. I swallowed. "I could walk away."

Mom was staring at her fingers like she was rethinking her opinion. Dammit. She looked up at Dad. "Would someone really do that? I mean, high school kids have that kind of thing?"

He nodded and touched her cheek. "You'd be surprised what kids can get their hands on. Remember Josh in high school?"

Oh, God. I had somehow forgotten that they had been there through all of Josh's rebellion, too. They might have been on the other side of it, but still. They probably knew everything. This had to mean I was going to have to sneak out if I really wanted to go.

Mom sighed. "Yeah, I remember. I wanted to believe we had a few more years, though."

Dad shook his head and looked at me. "How badly do you want to go?"

I furrowed my brow. "I want to go."

Mom sat up straighter. "Baby, I know you—"

I interrupted her. "No, I want to go. I'm going to go. You can't lock me in my room. I'll find a way even if you say no." I hated sounding like such a brat. A small part of me said to chill out and let them set the rules. I'd have more party opportunities. But I didn't want to wait. And I'd already told Jennifer I'd go.

Dad sighed and got up. I looked after him as he walked out of the room. I probably shouldn't have challenged him like that. If anyone could find a way to physically keep me from leaving the house next weekend, it was him. Mom reached out and took my hand.

"Josie, listen to me. I know you want to go. But you have to remember that, as your parents, it is our job to protect you. Letting you go to a party like this when anything could happen isn't protecting you or helping you in any way."

I pulled my hand from hers. "Don't you think I need the freedom to make my own mistakes? I'm not Josh, and I'm not going to fuck up like he did." Josh had never done anything terrible. He'd never been arrested and he'd never really hurt himself or anyone else. He'd done a number of questionable things, but in the end he straightened himself out and graduated high school.

"Josie," Dad called. "Come here a minute."

I looked at Mom. She gestured for me to go and got up with me. We walked out to the dining room together. Dad was sitting at the table with two bottles sitting in front of him. He gestured to the seat beside him.

"Sit down."

I sat down slowly, wondering why Dad would have two beers. I wasn't sure what was happening as he slid one over to me.

"Jacob Black, what are you doing?" Mom said, shocked. She reached out and tried to grab the one in front of me. Dad reached it before she could and held it down.

"I'm not going to let my little girl get drunk for the first time around a bunch of strangers who would very likely take advantage of her. It's not happening."

"So you're giving her alcohol? She's fifteen, Jacob. Fifteen! Do you know how illegal this is?"

He smiled. "Yes, I'm aware. Would you rather she goes without knowing what to expect?"

"I'd rather she not go at all!" Mom was getting really mad.

I swallowed and looked between them. Dad was way too calm, and I could tell from the shimmer in Mom's eyes that she was really serious about her side of the argument. Talk about a one-eighty.

"I don't want her to go, either, Ness, but she's right. We can't keep her here. I don't want her to sneak out and get hurt when I could help her understand why I don't want her to go in the first place."

I felt so small. I hated being the cause of their fighting, but even more than that, I hated when they talked about me like I wasn't there. I cleared my throat. They both looked at me.

"We don't have to do this," I suggested.

Dad pushed the beer a little closer to me. "Drink it."

I looked at Mom for a second. "Are you sure?"

"Are you going to the party?" Dad asked.

I met his eyes for several moments. He was dead serious about this. I licked my lips and nodded. "Yes."

He nodded, too. "Then yes, I'm sure." He picked up the bottle and held it out for me.

Mom shook her head and walked away. I drew in a deep breath and took the bottle. Dad took his own and lifted it to his lips. My mouth seemed too dry. I took a drink and scowled at the horrible taste.

"Yuck!"

Dad chuckled. "It's an acquired taste. They'll probably have something a lot worse there. This isn't top of the line, but it's not the worst either."

That thought alone made me grimace. Still, I knew I'd drink it. So instead of turning it down for its taste, I took another drink. We were both silent until I finished the bottle. Dad took it from me and disappeared into the kitchen. My body felt warm, but otherwise I didn't notice anything different. I certainly wasn't getting drunk. When Dad came back, he had three more bottles. He sat down and pushed one over to me. I picked it up and took another drink.

"You know," I said, "after a while, it's not so bad."

Dad laughed again. "I know."

I was almost halfway done with my third bottle when I realized Dad wasn't drinking anymore. "Aren't you still drinking?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I limit myself to one. I can't overdo it because of the medicine I take."

I nodded. It made the room spin a little. "So why'd you get that many?"

"Because if you go, you won't stop at three. Or even four, but that's all you're getting tonight."

I had to be the luckiest girl in the world. Who else could say their dad let them drink four full beers? I blinked a few times and tightened my hand on the bottle when it seemed like it was slipping. My head was getting all woozy and warm like I was really tired. I wanted to go to sleep.

"Dad?"

He hummed and leaned forward on the table. I wondered if the placemat would make a good pillow. Turns out it didn't.

"Are you okay, honey?" he asked. I felt his hand touch my cheek. It felt really hot. "Maybe three is all you need."

I sat up and was about to tell him I could handle four when everything around me spun like a top. I swayed and nearly fell out of the chair. I gripped the table and laid my head back down. My stomach turned from all the spinning. I swallowed a few times to keep from throwing up.

"I don't like this feeling, Dad," I said. At least I thought I said. It was hard to make out my own words as they came out of my mouth.

If he said anything back to me, I didn't hear it. He picked me up, which just made everything that much more disorienting, and carried me out to the couch. He laid me down then disappeared again. I curled up around my stomach and just prayed I would throw up to make the churning stop.

I had to wait what felt like four full lifetimes before it finally happened. I stretched my legs out, and something must've snapped. My stomach heaved, and I leaned over the side of the couch to vomit on the floor. Only it wasn't on the floor. Someone had put something there.

"Shh," Dad said as he held my hair. "You're okay, baby." He patted my back. "You're okay."

I sure as hell didn't feel okay. After coughing up more than I thought I'd put in, Dad wiped my face with something cold. It felt good. I laid back down on the couch and was finally able to sleep.

* * *

"I think she's awake!"

I cringed at the sound of my little brother screaming at the top of his lungs. It sounded like he was talking through a damn loudspeaker.

"Dad!"

"All right, thanks, Eli. Go get your shoes on."

His footsteps as he ran up the stairs were louder than a fucking elephant. I grimaced and opened my eyes. My whole head was throbbing and so sore. It felt like my brain was bruised.

"Hey," Dad said softly. At least he wasn't screaming.

I groaned. God, even I was yelling. Dad patted my legs, and I moved them so he could sit down. Had I spent the night on the couch? As I laid there wondering what the hell was going on, it all came back to me. The drinking, the spinning, the puking . . . I groaned again and turned to bury my face in the pillow under me.

Dad rubbed my back for a little while. I heard Mom say something about me missing school. Dad said it was worth it. Had I slept the whole night?

"What time is it?" I managed to ask.

"Time for school," he answered. "But don't worry; I've taken care of that already. You and I are staying inside today."

I turned back around so I could look at him. "Why?"

He shrugged. "Because you're hungover. I have water and Tylenol for you when you're ready to sit up."

It took me a while. Mom was already home after taking Eli to school by the time I was able to sit up and take a sip of water. It tasted like ass but felt good on my throat. I took the Tylenol and ate a few bites of toast.

Dad hovered over me for a long time. Mom even came in to check on me several times. She was clearly worried, but I hoped she trusted Dad like I did to not let me go too far. I took a nap at some point and felt better when I woke up again.

I sat up and stretched. It was so good to move without the whole room moving with me.

"How are you feeling?" Dad asked.

I smiled at him. "Better, I think. My head doesn't feel like it's going to fall off. It still hurts, though."

He sat next to me. "That's good to hear. That it's getting better, I mean."

He held out his arm, and I wormed my way into his side. Nothing could beat this. Snuggled into my dad's embrace, I was untouchable. He kissed my head.

"My stomach's still a little iffy."

His arm tightened around me. "It's a good thing you're here where I can take care of you."

I looked up at him. I knew what he was saying. Instead of commenting, I just nodded. Thinking about what happened last night and what could have happened if I was with a bunch of other high school kids instead of my dad, I did get a little nervous. If I went to Brandon's party, I'd know maybe five people there. I knew Jennifer and Kyle would look out for me, but they'd be off drinking as well. I couldn't trust either one of them to help me the way my dad had. It just wasn't the same. And if they were off doing their own thing, who would I be around when I fell asleep? I shivered at the thought of being around the kind of person Josh had warned me about.

Dad rubbed my arm. "Are you okay?"

I nodded again. "Yeah. I was just thinking." I knew what Dad was thinking when he brought out the beers, and I was honestly happy that it had worked. I didn't want to taste another drop of alcohol for a very, very long time. And if I did, I sure as hell didn't want to do it where I could pass out in front of strangers.

"About what?"

"I still want to go to the party." I looked up at him. "But I just want to go because Jennifer asked me to be there for her. I can't promise I won't drink anything, but I really don't want to get drunk."

He nodded. "If you want to go, I'm not going to stop you. You have to promise you'll call if you need me."

"I swear I will. When should I stop to make sure I don't drink too much?"

He kissed my forehead. "Stop at one. Sip it slow to make it last. If anyone offers a refill, don't take it. Don't let your cup sit anywhere; keep it in your hands at all times. And if you think it smells or tastes weird at all, pour it down a drain."

"Thanks, Dad." I hugged him as much as I could in my position. "Is Mom still mad?"

"Not as much, no. We talked about it a lot last night. She's still not convinced it was the best way to handle the situation, but I think she understands my side of it a little better."

"I hope so. I do, anyway."

"I'm glad to hear that, baby."

Mom came in a few minutes later. "Is anyone hungry?" she asked.

My stomach rolled, but it wasn't sick this time. "I'm starving."

Dad helped me stand up. The room tilted a little, but it was bearable. Mom made a grilled cheese sandwich for me and brought it to the table.

"How are you feeling, honey?" she asked.

I ripped the sandwich in half. "A lot better than I was earlier."

She nodded. "I was worried about you last night." She glanced at Dad.

"To be honest, I was worried about me last night. I have to say I'm glad that happened here instead of there, though. I won't be getting drunk at the party." I shook my head resolutely.

She sighed. "I had hoped you'd decide not to go."

"I have to go, Mom." I looked at her. "Well, I guess I don't _have_ to go, but I told Jennifer I would. She begged me to be there for her."

Dad set my water in front of me and sat down. I hadn't realized he'd left. "Make sure you drink plenty of that. It'll help your headache."

I nodded and picked up the glass.

"Are Jennifer's parents okay with her going?" Mom asked.

I hesitated for a minute before I answered her. I wasn't really sure what the best answer was. After a second, I decided honesty was best. I licked my lips and looked at her. "I don't know. I don't think she's planning on telling them about it. I know Trish is going to sneak out."

Mom pursed her lips and looked at Dad for a second. Finally she sighed again and smiled at me. "Thank you for at least telling us about it, then. Maybe we should call their mothers?"

My eyes widened. "Don't you dare, Mom." I could only imagine the kind of shit I'd get if that happened. "Just don't. If they get caught, I'm sure they'll both get reamed, but I'm not going to be the reason that happens."

"Keep an eye on them, then," Dad said. "And if either of them gets in trouble, you call for help."

"That I can handle."

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! So what did you think about Jake's decision?


	5. Not Myself Tonight

A/N: I think I may have lost a reader or two with the last chapter. The majority of reviewers were understanding and at least saw the logic in what Jake did, which makes me happy. As they say, you can't please everyone.

I hope y'all stick around. We're just getting started! This party isn't a major event in the story; it's just a little something that happens.

Thanks much to WolfGirl1335 for pre-reading :) Enjoy!

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Five

Not Myself Tonight

_I'm doing things that I normally won't do  
The old me's gone, I feel brand new  
And if you don't like it, fuck you.  
The music's on and I'm dancing  
I'm feeling unusual  
I don't care 'cause this is my night._

-Not Myself Tonight – Christina Aguilera

* * *

_**Josie**_

"Where were you yesterday?" Jennifer demanded when I met her at school on Friday.

"At home, sick." It wasn't a total lie.

She put her hands on her hips. "Don't do that to me again. I had the most exciting news, and I couldn't even tell you about it."

"You could have texted me. My phone wasn't sick." I got my things from the locker and moved aside so she could get what she needed

"This news deserves to be told face to face." She got her pink, fluffy pen and notebook then shut the locker.

"Okay, so what happened?"

She paused for a second before she smiled brightly. "Jason asked me out!"

I knew she expected me to jump up and down and squeal with her, but I wasn't feeling it. It was about damn time the boy grew some balls. "Congratulations."

Jennifer pouted. "You don't seem that excited. I thought you would be."

"I am excited, Jen; I'm just not into screaming and dancing, I guess. I'm still tired, and I have a headache." I had thought that would all be gone by now, but it wasn't. Josh said it could take a few days.

"I'm sorry, I'm being so insensitive. How are you feeling today?" Her brows furrowed with worry.

I shrugged. "Better maybe."

"What were you sick with?"

I squeezed my eyes shut for a second before I looked around me. We weren't alone, but we didn't have a crowd around us. I did my best to explain what had happened.

"Your dad let you get drunk?" she whispered, dumfounded.

I nodded. "Yeah, more of a 'do this here where I can help you instead of there where you'll get raped' kind of thing."

She sighed as we started to walk toward class. "I wish my parents were that cool. I don't even plan to tell them about the party."

"You should." She glanced at me suspiciously. "No, I'm serious. What if something does happen?"

"You're just being paranoid." She waved her hand, dismissing my concern. Well, I was still concerned, and I'd still keep an eye on her.

As I sat in my first class, I had to wonder if someone had arranged it to be math for this exact moment. I really tried to pay attention for the first half hour. After my brain tied itself in knots trying to keep up, I gave up the fight and doodled in my notebook. I'd already sworn it, but I promised myself I would never drink that much again.

I felt a little worse by the time lunch came around. All this learning stuff was too hard. I took some Tylenol with a soda and what the lunch lady called a chicken patty.

"Where were you yesterday?" Kyle asked as he sat beside me. I grimaced at his hair in his eyes.

"I was puking my guts out and wishing for death on my couch." Sort of.

"Oh my gosh, that's terrible," Lily said. "Are you feeling better?"

I nodded. "Yeah, a bit."

Kyle reached out and touched my arm. "That sucks that you got sick. I was worried about you."

I pulled my arm back. "I'm fine."

I couldn't eat very much. My stomach wasn't upset, but it wasn't hungry either. After we ate, we went to our usual section of hallway and sat down to bullshit with each other about everything and nothing. I pulled my knees up as far as I could and wrapped my arms around them. What I wouldn't give to just go back to bed. I heard a few people talking about the party the next weekend. I tried hard to join in the conversation, but I didn't really have anything to say. Kyle tried to talk to me a few times. I humored him with a smile or a grunt just to let him know I was sort of paying attention.

The rest of the day went by so slowly I could almost swear time was running backward. When it finally did end, I almost wanted to offer praise to someone for the weekend, but instead went home and collapsed into my bed.

I spent most of Saturday in bed just because I wanted to be lazy. My headache was mostly gone. I only got up to eat or go to the bathroom. Eli was in a restless mood and was constantly banging on my door begging me to play with him. I finally shut him up by telling him to draw a picture for me with my eyeliner. I had a few different colors, and he'd often told me how weird it was that I used colored pencils on my eyes. He drew a bird sitting in a nest with three eggs. When he was finished, I hung it on the wall next to my bed because it made him smile.

"No go leave me alone," I told him after I'd tacked up the picture.

Eli pouted. "But I don't have anything fun to do."

"Go play in traffic."

"Very funny, jerkface."

"Shut it, Shithead. Go challenge Dad to another Mario Kart game or something." It was sunny outside, so he couldn't go play in the yard.

"It's Saturday, pea-brain; Dad's working."

Shit. "Fine, go challenge Mom to a game. I don't know, Eli. Just get out of here. I entertained you, and now I'm done." I waved my hand at him. "Go on. Shoo, fly."

He stuck his tongue out at me and finally left.

* * *

The next week was mostly uneventful. I was myself again by Monday. I joined in the conversation about the upcoming weekend and tried to make some plans. I gave up trying to get Trish or Jennifer to tell their parents what they were going to do.

When Saturday night finally arrived, I spent a long while getting ready. Mom said I looked pretty and Dad just sighed, so I had to assume it was something a grown-up girl would wear.

It wasn't like I was dressing slutty. The sparkly pink skirt I was wearing hugged my legs down to my knees and my black tank top wasn't really low. I'd put my hair up in a bun to keep it out of the way as I did my makeup then decided it was cute and would stay that way.

I needed more feedback. I took a picture of myself in the mirror and sent it to Hannah and Kaylie. My leg bounced nervously as I waited for them to answer. Kaylie was the first to text me back and said I looked great. Hannah responded a few seconds later saying the same thing. She wanted to know what shoes I was going to wear. I took a picture of the black high-heeled sandals on my feet and sent it to her.

With the approval I needed from my friends, I stood up and sucked in a deep breath. I was excited but nervous. Mom had offered to take me there, which really surprised me, but Trish had already arranged a carpool with one of her junior friends with a driver's license. Dad was coming to get me and a few of my friends at midnight. My curfew was normally eleven o'clock, but it had been extended for the party. I went downstairs at eight-thirty to wait for Trish. She said she'd be there to get me at nine. Eli was already in bed, and Mom and Dad were watching a movie in the living room. I sat down to watch with them for a few minutes.

"Have fun tonight," Dad said.

I looked over at him and smiled nervously. As much as I hated it, I was really worried about what all the older kids would think of a bunch of sophomores crashing their party. "Thanks."

He rubbed my back. "Call me if you need anything. You know your mom or I will come get you early if need us to."

"I know. Thanks, Dad." I hugged him, then Mom reached over him to hug me.

I got up when a car pulled up and honked. Dad got up to walk me to the door.

"I'll come get you at midnight," he reminded me.

I nodded. "And if I'm not ready when you get there, you'll raid the place to find me and drag my ass home."

He smiled. "You got it."

I stood on my toes to kiss his cheek. "I'll be ready."

"Have fun, baby," Mom said.

I waved and turned around to walk down the path to the waiting car. It was already packed with five people, but they somehow made room for me. Brandon's house was a few blocks away in a nicer part of the neighborhood. It was obvious as we pulled up that his family was rich. Not only was the house twice the size of ours, it was surrounded by a security gate. The driver—Trish called him Henry—pushed a button on the keypad and shouted something I couldn't make out and the gate opened.

The music was already pounding. I could hear it even before we got out of the car. A few people were on the huge wrap-around porch already making out or dancing to the beat. I sucked in a breath and squeezed Jennifer's hand, then we went inside.

Aside from the people mingling in the crowded living room, the first thing I noticed was the stench. If I'd thought the beer Josh used to drink or the kind Dad had given to me the other night smelled bad, I didn't know anything about bad smells. It wasn't just the alcohol; it was sweat and feet and various other body odors all wrapped up in one.

Trish raised her hand and tugged Jennifer toward a hallway across the living room. Jennifer was still holding my hand and pulled me with her.

"Hey, you guys made it," Keith shouted. I still had trouble hearing him.

"I told you we would!" Trish called. "So you want to show us around?"

Keith turned to another boy with shaggy brown hair and oversized clothing. I assumed it was Martin, Brandon's younger brother who had initially invited Trish. He nodded and smirked at Trish. I raised an eyebrow. If he was going for the "smooth operator" look, he failed miserably. He said something that I didn't catch. Someone walked past us and bumped into me. I tried to step out of the way, then a hand tugged on my arm.

"Hey, beautiful," a voice I didn't recognize slurred.

A boy a little older than me with short, dirty blond hair and braces smiled lopsided at me. I could smell the alcohol radiating off of him. I took a step back.

"No, thanks."

He waved a hand and scoffed. "Whatever. Bitch."

I wanted to get defensive, but I made myself let it go. Instead of letting my hackles get raised, I squeezed Jennifer's hand and followed when Keith and Martin led us all through the hallway to the kitchen where a keg had been set up.

We were all given red plastic cups filled with beer and told we could have as many refills as we could handle. I took mine and sniffed it before I took a drink. It smelled like dirty, sweaty feet. I swallowed my gag reflex and took a drink. Oh, God! I had to really try to keep from spitting it out.

"What the fuck is this?"I asked.

Martin laughed. "It's beer, duh. Haven't you ever tasted beer?"

"Well, yeah, but this is so much nastier than anything I've ever had."

Keith slapped my shoulder. "Welcome to the world of real alcohol, Josie. Drink up and get wasted." He lifted his own cup and took several gulps.

I grimaced and sipped a little more. Goddammit. I couldn't imagine getting drunk enough to not care about that taste.

Jennifer didn't seem any happier about the beer than I did. She looked a little sick. "You don't have to drink it if you don't want to," I told her.

She snorted. "And how would that make me look? The prude who wouldn't drink?"

I pursed my lips. She had a point. I drank a little more.

"This is boring, guys," Trish said. "Let's go meet some seniors!" She all but pranced back down the hall to the living room. Jennifer and I followed.

Within the first hour, Trish had found someone to make out with. Jennifer had chatted up about eight guys, but luckily remembered that she wasn't single anymore. I walked around and talked to random people. I thought it was funny to see the different degrees of drunk. There was everything from slightly tipsy to all-out shitfaced.

At eleven-thirty, I sat down on the couch and watched people for a while. I still had a third of my beer, but my head was getting a little woozy. I pulled my phone out of my bra to check the time. I sighed and blinked to make sure I stayed awake.

"What the fuck are you doing here on the couch instead of with someone on the dance floor?" Keith asked as he sat next to me.

The dance floor was nothing more than the open area of the living room right in front of me. I looked over at him and sighed. "Because my feet hurt and I have a headache." The heels I'd worn had been a very bad idea.

He scooted a little closer. "C'mon, girl, get your ass up and shake it for me."

I put my hand on his face and pushed him back. "Get away from me, Keith. I might be tipsy, but I still don't like you."

He mumbled something and got up to leave me alone. Thank God. I waited another few minutes before I made myself get up and go tell the people riding home with me that they had twenty minutes left. Jennifer was laughing with a group of people, mostly girls. I was glad to see her having fun. Trish was in the hall, pressed against the wall with Martin shoving his tongue down her throat. I grimaced. As I looked around some more, I found everyone that had been in the car with us. They were all smashed, even Henry. Luckily there had been a few smart people who didn't want people to drive home drunk.

I took my cup to the kitchen and dropped it in the trash. After watching the remaining liquid slosh around and eventually spill when the cup tipped over, I giggled a little for no reason and went back to the living room. My whole body felt nice and warm as I talked to a few other people. At midnight, Jennifer tapped me on the shoulder. We held each other's arms and found Trish and Keith so my dad could take them home as well.

He pulled up right as we walked out of the house. Dad held the doors open for us. Keith, Jen, and Trish got into the back seat, and I got in the passenger side.

"How was the party?" Dad asked.

I laughed. "Still going strong."

"It was fun," Jennifer squeaked. She leaned against Keith's shoulder and giggled. I laughed at the sound of it.

Trish and Keith started babbling on about something while Jennifer and I were caught up in a fit of laughter over nothing but the sound of each other.

Trish was the first to get home. She thanked my dad and stumbled her way around the back of her house where I supposed she was going to sneak back in. Jennifer was next. She leaned forward between the seats to hug me, then she got out. Dad waited until she got inside before he moved on again.

I took a deep breath and put my hands on my stomach. It hurt a little from all the cackling I'd done. Keith leaned forward and rested his chin on the shoulder of the seat.

"So I'll see you on Monday, Josie," he said.

I leaned back against the seat and turned my head to look at him. "Yeah, I'll be there."

He was quiet for a second before he smirked. "You know, you're really fucking hot."

Dad cleared his throat loudly. Keith didn't get the hint. I glanced at Dad and blushed a little when the boy reached forward and touched my lip. "I like your lips. They'd look good—"

"Sit back and shut up," Dad demanded.

Keith sighed but thankfully sat back and didn't say anything else until we got to his house. Dad waited again until he was inside, but I secretly wondered how much he really cared after what Keith had said. Then again, maybe I was wrong. Maybe Dad wasn't as upset about it as I thought he would be. Keith was drunk, after all.

"Is everything okay, Josie?" Dad asked when he started driving again. "You're past tipsy."

I nodded, but it made my head hurt. "I'm okay. I only had one beer like you said, but it feels like two of the ones you gave me."

Dad reached over and rubbed my shoulder. "We're almost home, then you can go to bed."

I curled up as much as I could and rested my head against the window. It wasn't even remotely comfortable, but it sufficed until we pulled into the driveway. Dad let me hold onto his arm and helped me into the house. I talked to Mom for a few minutes about everything before I all but crawled up the stairs to my room and went to bed.

* * *

"Where were you on Saturday?" I asked Kyle on Monday at lunch. He'd said he was going to be at the party, but he wasn't.

Kyle looked at me and sighed. "My dad decided at the last minute that we were going to have a family outing or some shit. He dragged me and my mom to a movie at nine o'clock. I couldn't escape."

I supposed I could forgive him for having family time forced on him. "Well, you didn't miss much. It was okay, I guess. It wasn't all I'd expected it to be after listening to everyone get all excited." I didn't think it was a total letdown, either.

He smiled. "Well, I'm glad you had fun at least. Did you get drunk?"

"No, not really. Oh, and the beer was more like dirty sock water and gasoline. It was nasty."

He laughed. "Yeah, I'm glad I missed that." He looked at me like he wanted to say something else. Instead of speaking, he just looked at me through his hair. It was just long enough to be annoying. I let myself reach forward and brush it to the side so I could see his blue eyes. He smirked. "Did anyone bug you?"

I shrugged and turned to take a few more bites of my lunch. "I talked to quite a few people. A couple guys tried to hit on me. Keith made my dad yell at him." I chuckled. "But no, no one bugged me in a bad way."

"That's good." Kyle smirked and shook his head a little bit to make his hair fall down again. I pursed my lips and refused to push it back again.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading!

I'm running out of chapters. I've got the next one all written and chapter 7 started, but after that, I got nothing. My plan of staying a few chapters ahead isn't working as well as I'd hoped, lol. I'll still update next Wednesday (on Halloween!). Just letting you all know in advance there may come a time really soon when I can't update every week.

And be sure to check out my Halloween oneshot, Lamia and Amarok. It involves Jake and Ness, twin boys, and various mythological creatures. You can find it in my stories :)


	6. This is Halloween

A/N: Happy Halloween! If you haven't already, be sure to check out my Halloween oneshot, Lamia and Amarok.

Well, this is it for now. *sniff*

No, I'm not abandoning the story. Hell no. Fuck no. But, this is all I have written for now and it may take a while to get the next chapter written. It's about half written right now and I have a ton of shit to do in November.

I will write when I get a chance. I've also joined the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) this year, hoping to get a start on my original novel. We'll see how that goes. And I've joined the Secret Santa Fic Swap. And school takes up a good chunk of time.

Anyway, enough of my whining. Let it just be known that I am very sorry I will most likely not be able to update next week, and that I will have the next chapter done as soon as I can.

That being said, I really love this chapter. It's my favorite so far. I hope you all like it, too!

Thank you all of my wonderful readers! I love you all! Special thanks to WolfGirl1335 for pre-reading. Enjoy!

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Six

This is Halloween

_Scream! This is Halloween  
Red and black, slimy green  
Aren't you scared?  
Well, that's just fine_

-This is Halloween – _The Nightmare Before Christmas_ soundtrack

_**Josie**_

After surviving my first "real" party, it seemed my popularity grew. I wasn't really sure I liked all the attention. I reminded myself several times that it could have been worse. I could be Brandon Meyer's girlfriend. I shuddered at the thought. A few extra people talking to me like we were old friends was better than everyone in the entire school either following my every move like a psycho stalker or hating my guts for no good reason at all.

And it wasn't like everyone was annoying or demanding about it. I was just absorbed into a bigger crowd of friends. I still had my best friends, Jennifer and Lily among them. The ones that were annoying seemed to fade away after the first week. They either realized I wasn't going to give them the time of day or decided I was a bitch. Either way was fine with me.

Eli started talking about Halloween two weeks before the holiday. He hadn't decided what he wanted to be. I hadn't even realized it was getting so close. I thought briefly about what I might want to do, but eventually it slipped to the back of my mind thanks to homework and keeping up my social life.

"So what are you going to be for Halloween this year?" the cashier asked when Mom dragged Eli and me to the store one Sunday.

Eli shrugged. The little shit had changed his mind five times in the last few weeks; I doubted what he said now would be his actual costume. "I don't know. Probably a monkey."

Mom smiled and pet Eli's hair. "You'd make a really cute monkey."

"He already is a monkey," I said. "Haven't you seen his ears?" I tugged on them for emphasis.

He swatted my hands away. "Leave me alone, Josie."

I chuckled and ignored the look Mom gave me.

"Well, you guys have a great day and a happy Halloween."

Mom nodded and led the way with the cart back to the car. I helped put the groceries in the trunk while Eli got out of all the work and just got in the back seat. Once we got home and put everything away, it was time to start dinner. I didn't really feel like helping, but Mom didn't feel like letting me get out of it, so I was stuck with kitchen duty. I thought about being mean and burning something by accident on purpose, but in the end it wasn't worth it. So instead of ruining dinner, I made the best damn spaghetti this side of Italy. At least, that's what I imagined in my head. It didn't turn out quite so fantastic, but a girl could dream.

Dad got home just as I was putting the garlic bread in the oven to heat up. I listened from the kitchen as Mom greeted him and asked how his day was. I could hear the shrug in his voice when he said it was okay. Eli's footsteps clamored down the stairs, and Dad's grunt told me he'd barely managed to avoid getting bowled over. I smirked to myself and turned off the stove burner before heading out to say hi.

"Hey, Dad."

He smiled at me and gave me a hug. "Hey, Josie. How was school?"

I shrugged. "It was school. Work?"

"Work."

We both smirked, then the timer went off telling me the bread was done.

Mom helped me get everything to the table, then we sat down to eat. Eli started chatting almost immediately about his day. Somehow the topic changed from recess to the upcoming holiday.

"I think I've decided that I want to be a ninja for Halloween," he said with a little nod. "But not just any ninja. A pirate ninja."

Dad chuckled. "A pirate ninja? I bet we could do that."

Eli beamed. "I could have the black suit with an eye patch and a sword for a hand instead of a hook."

"Maybe," Dad agreed.

Mom smiled. "Ninjas are still cooler."

Dad winked at her. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what that was about.

After dinner, I let my brother do the cleaning up and went upstairs to finish my homework. Instead of homework, I dug out the notebook I'd been making a list of ideas on. Hannah and I had promised each other a long time ago that no matter how old we got, we'd still dress up. Who cared if we went trick-or-treating or not? We could still be awesome as we handed out candy. Of course, with Eli still of that age, we could go out and collect candy with him.

I didn't like traditional costumes. They could be so overdone. Oh, so you're a slutty French maid? How fucking original. Hannah and I always came up with the best ideas. Granted, they weren't always one hundred percent original, but at least they weren't so overdone they became cheesy. One year she'd been half good, half wicked. Half of her clothes and makeup was light and pretty while the other half was dark and dramatic. I'd been things like an evil fairy and a zombie princess. I didn't like to do pretty things. Halloween was for scaring people.

I wasn't sure what to do this year. I'd usually get together with all of my friends and debate ideas until I found one that was perfect. Since I couldn't do that, I started to make a list. So far, I had things that made me want to swear the holiday off completely. I put my pen down and called Hannah.

"What have you got so far?" she asked after I explained my dilemma.

I groaned. "You don't want to know."

"Yes, I do. Come on, girlie. Spit it out."

"All right, but I warned you. I have a vampire, a werewolf, a mummy, and myself."

She scoffed. "Josie, I am surprised and disappointed. You can't be any of those things; they're way too plain. How many other people around there are going to be one of those?"

I laid back on my bed and groaned again. "I know! But what do I do? I could just be myself, but—"

"No, you can't just be yourself. You live for Halloween, and I'll be damned if I let you skip out on it this year. So come on. Thinking caps." She clicked her tongue.

I sat up again and stared at my list. Vampire. Human. Werewolf. Mummy. Ugh.

"Ooh!" Hannah exclaimed. "You could mix a vampire and a human. Be a . . . what are those called? A dhampir."

I grimaced. "Maybe." My tone said it all; I wasn't thrilled with the idea.

"What about a vampire and a werewolf. You could call it a vampwolf. Or a werepire."

I chuckled. "That'd be pretty cool. Hey, what about a dhampir and a werewolf. A dhampwolf."

"Do it," she said excitedly. "Don't put the fake teeth in, and maybe be subtle about your vampire and werewolf makeup."

I was already forming ideas. "I've got some good things in the works, I think. I'll make sure to send lots of pictures. Thank so much, Hannah. By the way, what are you going to be?"

She laughed. "Okay, don't laugh too hard. This was partly Josh's idea. I'm going to be Red Riding in the Hood. I've got the hoodie and all that, then I'm going to have those tattoo sleeve things, and I've already got most of the piercings I need. I've got one of those magnet things to make my nose look pierced and a few clip-ons to add."

"I love it. You have to send me pictures, too. Is Josh going to dress up?"

"Does he ever not dress up? Of course he's going to. He's going to be the ultimate superhero. He's got Batman's mask, Superman's cape, Spiderman's jumpsuit, Green Lantern's ring, and Captain America's shield."

"That is epic. If I don't get a picture of that, I will hunt you down."

Hannah gasped. "Ooh, now you're getting kinky."

"Oh, honey, you haven't heard the beginning of kinky. Just make sure I get pictures."

"You got it, babe."

We hung up a little while later, and I got to work planning my costume.

* * *

"Are you doing anything for Halloween?" Lily asked at lunch on Monday. It was only four days away.

I nodded. "I'm taking my brother trick-or-treating."

Jennifer, sitting next to Jason like she'd been doing since he asked her out, looked at me. "I didn't know you had a brother."

I shrugged. "Yeah, he's in fourth grade. I always dress up with him and take him around the neighborhood."

"Aw, that's sweet," Lily cooed. "I wish my older brother had done that for me when I was little. I had to go with a grown-up." She made a face like it was the most horrible thing in the world. I supposed if the grown-ups she was used to weren't as cool as the ones I had growing up, it probably would be.

"Aren't you a little old to be dressing up?" Kyle asked.

I scoffed and looked at him. "I'll still be dressing up for Halloween when I'm eighty."

He quirked his lips. "What are you going to do this year?"

"A cross between a vampire, a werewolf, and a zombie." I'd decided the human part of my equation should become ex-human so I could make it scarier.

"How are you going to do that?" he asked.

"Pretty much a zombie with wolf ears and vampire teeth, I think. It'll be awesome, though. You should dress up, too." I nudged his shoulder. "Is anyone else going to?"

Lily bounced. "I am! I'm going to be a fairy. I have the dress, and I just bought this huge package of sparkles. I'm so excited!" She bounced again.

I chuckled. "We should get ready together. Are you doing anything, Jen?"

Jennifer nodded. "Yep, I'm going to be a cowgirl. Jason's my cowboy." She gave him a sickeningly sweet look, and he kissed her lips. Ew.

"We totally should do it together," Lily said. "We can't do it at my house, though. My brother's having his friends come over, and it's going to be a huge mess."

"We can do it at my place." I already knew my parents would love the idea of me having girlfriends over. "Do you want to come, Jennifer?"

She smiled. "Yeah, that'd be great."

"What about me?" Kyle mock pouted.

I gave him a look. "No boys allowed. At least not while we're getting ready. You can come with me to take my brother around if you want, though." The more the merrier.

He nodded. "Sure. I'm not doing anything else. What time do you think you'll go out?"

"We usually go around eight or so. I'll text you when we're ready to go." I turned back to the girls. "Should we meet at my house at six? That'd give us two hours to get everyone ready."

They both agreed. I went home that night and excitedly explained my plans to my parents. Like I had thought, they were both happy to know I was maintaining my social life.

Eli and I went shopping with Dad after school and homework Tuesday evening to get some last-minute things we needed for Thursday. I found the perfect makeup kit and begged Dad through the whole store until he finally agreed to get it for me. I was going to knock everyone's socks off.

Wednesday night, I got out the outfit I was going to wear the next night. It was bound to be chilly, so I had a long-sleeved black top that I took a pair of scissors to. I'd wear a tank top underneath to make sure nothing important was showing. For my pants, I had a pair of black leggings under some jeans I'd gotten at a discount store and cut up like the top. I took both the shirt and the pants out in the yard and got them good and muddy. Mom made me leave them on the porch to dry. I was sure the rain would wash most of the mud away, but no amount of whining on my part would change Mom's mind. I gave in and decided I could work with whatever I ended up with.

It was only one day until Thursday evening, but it felt like forever. Hannah texted me a picture of Josh in his costume that he got to wear to work. She said he called himself "Super Captain: The Green Spider-Bat." I couldn't remember laughing so hard in a long time.

I wished I had been able to dress up for school, but they didn't allow it. Not even Eli could do anything.

Lily and Jennifer showed up at six o'clock. I had to help finish cleaning up dinner, then I was free.

"Why are all your windows blocked?" Lily asked.

"That's just weird," Jennifer added.

I furrowed my brow. "My mom and my brother have photosensitivity. It means they're allergic to the sun." I silently dared them both to say anything else about it.

Lily pouted. "Aw, that's too bad."

I hated fake pity, but it didn't sound fake coming from her. She seemed like she meant it.

I let it go, and we all converged in the upstairs bathroom to ooh and ahh over each other's chosen costumes. I wasn't sure either Lily or Jennifer actually liked what I'd done with my clothes, but I didn't really care. I was just in my tank top and stretch pants to get my makeup on, then I'd get the rest on. They had turned out surprisingly well. They were still muddy, but not caked with it. The rain had done a good job of leaving enough mud around to make it look like the clothes had been worn by someone who just crawled out of a grave.

When Lily said she was going to be a fairy, I had imagined Tinkerbelle. Instead, she looked more like Glinda the Good Witch from _The Wizard of Oz_. Her dress was big, pink, and poofy, but it did look cute on her. Jennifer didn't have much; she was definitely going for the provocative cowgirl look. I had to wonder if getting a boyfriend turned a girl into a slut. If that was the case, I couldn't think of any reason I would ever want one.

I pulled my hair up in a bun and got out my makeup kit. While the other girls were painting themselves beautiful, I started mixing green and grey paint together to make a nice dead skin color. Once my whole face was caked in it, I started on the shading and adding some darker textures.

"You should totally be a makeup artist someday," Lily said. "That looks amazing."

I smiled at her. "Thanks. My cousin and I used to do each other's costumes every year. I learned a thing or two." I shrugged.

"Oh crap," Jennifer mumbled.

We looked over to see her holding a tag from under her arm. "What's the matter?" Lily asked.

"I didn't make sure this was off." She tugged on it. The paper part came off, but the plastic ring didn't go anywhere. Lily offered to try, but still it didn't budge. I took a turn before I decided I'd get the scissors.

I smiled to myself and let my hair down before I left the room. Maybe I could scare Eli. I tiptoed down the stairs into the kitchen and got the scissors out of the drawer. I could hear him in Mom and Dad's room getting ready. Dad was saying something about layers to keep him warm. I was the master of stealth as I crept down the hall. I peeked into the room and smiled to myself. Eli was facing away from me.

Mom looked up at me as I moved further into the room. Her eyes widened and her whole body stiffened. It wasn't like her to join in my jokes on Eli. She was usually the one protecting him while Dad helped me. She stood up, her movements jerky as she stepped around the side of the bed.

"Mom?" I asked. She looked really freaked out.

Dad looked up and saw me before he glanced around to find Mom. She had backed up against the wall and was still staring at me like I she was really terrified.

"Wow, Josie, that's freaky!" Eli cried.

I smirked at him. "Thanks." I took a few steps toward Mom. "Are you okay?" I asked her.

Dad got up and pushed me out of the room. "Stay out here for right now, Josie," he said urgently.

I furrowed my brow. "What's wrong?"

"Don't argue with me, just stay out here. Go back upstairs."

"But what—"

"Dammit, Josie, now."

He didn't shove me. Not exactly. He pushed me semi-gently toward the steps before he retreated back into the room and all but slammed the door.

What in the fuck did I do? My heart sank for some unknown reason, and I just went back upstairs. Why wouldn't Dad talk to me? Didn't I have a right to know what was wrong with my own mother? I handed the scissors to Jennifer and just focused on making sure I didn't cry as I finished my costume.

"Is everything okay?" Lily asked.

I nodded. "Peachy."

Neither of them said anything else to me. They carried on the conversation they'd been having before I came back. I didn't have a lot left to do. I put in some fake vampire teeth that just attached to my own, put on a headband with wolf ears, then went to put on the rest of my clothes.

It was almost seven-thirty when we were finished. I didn't want to go back downstairs to check on Eli. I didn't want to go downstairs at all. I didn't want to take the chance that I'd run into Mom or Dad. I wondered briefly if I could just climb out the window.

I knew it couldn't be avoided. Lily and Jennifer were all perfect and ready to go. I got my phone and texted Kyle to let him know we'd be leaving soon, then I followed them down the stairs. I groaned inwardly when Dad was on the couch fixing a few loose ends of Eli's costume. He looked at me when I came down and smiled at me. I couldn't smile back.

We were all ready to go. I introduced Eli to my friends. He seemed to have developed and instant crush on Jennifer.

"Josie," Dad said.

I closed my eyes and took a breath before I looked over at him. "Yeah?"

"Stay here for a second; I need to talk to you."

Shit. Eli lured the other girls out on the porch, and I told them I'd be out in a minute. I sat next to Dad with my palms sweating and my heart racing. "So what's up?" I asked. I hoped we could get this over with quickly.

"I like this," he said, lightly touching one of my wolf ears. "You did a good job."

I swallowed. "Thanks."

He sighed and leaned forward. "I'm sorry, Josie. About earlier." He looked at me. "You really scared your mom, though. I know you didn't mean to. You probably have no idea why."

I shook my head. "I wanted you to tell me earlier."

He nodded. "I know. I should have, and I'm sorry I didn't. You know those nightmares she has?"

She hadn't had one in a long while, but I remembered them. How could I not remember waking up to my mother screaming in the middle of the night? The most I ever knew about them was that she was fighting her monster. I just nodded.

"She has bad dreams about a woman. A, um, a dead version of herself. After her dad died, she thought she should have killed herself, and in her dreams, that's what happens. The dead girl hurts her."

I knew why neither of them had ever told me that. How much harder would it be for me to listen to them if I knew what caused them? My eyes watered just at the thought of what my mom had to go through. "She thought I was that dead girl?" I felt like the most horrible person for doing that to my mom. "She thought I was going to hurt her?"

Dad rubbed my back. "Yes, she did. Logically, she knew who you were, but you know how hard it is to hold on to logic when everything in you is saying something different."

I leaned over and put my head on his shoulder. I made sure my hair touched his shirt instead of my makeup-slathered face. "Is she okay?"

He kissed my head. "She's fine, baby. She wanted to be alone for a little while, so Eli and I came out here. But she's fine." He pressed his lips to my head again before he patted my back. "You go have fun tonight. I'd better get things ready to start handing out candy."

I nodded and got up. Kyle was already there by the time I made it out to the porch. He had put on a shirt with a skeletal representation of his ribs and arm bones on it, but that was it.

"Holy shit," he said when he saw me. "Is that really my little Josie under all that?"

"Yes, it's me. Lily, do you still any of those spare clips?" I held out my hand.

Lily nodded and reached into her clutch purse to give me two. I stepped up to Kyle and pushed his hair out of his eyes and pinned it back with the clips. "There."

He laughed. "That really bugs you, doesn't it?"

I snorted. "You need more decoration. You're not fooling anyone with that pathetic excuse of a costume. You better feel lucky I'm still letting you come along."

He flicked one of my fake ears. "I know how lucky I am."

I pushed him away. "Good. Oh, hey, before we get going can someone take my picture?" I dug my phone out of my bra and held it out.

Kyle all but snatched it out of my hands. "What else do you keep in your boobs?" He pushed a few buttons. "And how do you work your camera?"

"What I keep in my boobs is none of your business." I showed him how to work the phone then pulled Eli over to stand in front of the door with me. We both struck a pose. Kyle laughed and gave me the phone back. It was an awesome picture. I sent it to Hannah. "Thanks. Now we can go."

The first little while was normal trick-or-treating business. It had stopped raining and was dark enough that Eli could be safe. He was all wrapped up in black for his ninja outfit anyway, and the pirate hat hid what little of his face did show, so it wasn't much of a concern. It was still nice to be able to go out like this.

Jason met up with us after the first few houses. He and Jennifer made the perfect cow-couple. He even tilted his hat and said "howdy ma'am" when he showed up. It was cute.

It was almost nine o'clock when Eli stopped in his tracks on the way across the street. I nudged him to get him moving, but he backed up a step.

"Oh, no," he said softly.

"Eli, what's wrong?" I asked. I looked around; nothing was out of place. Just a bunch of kids and their normal Halloween shenanigans.

"It's Brady and Cooper." He pointed to a blue house with a robot and something I didn't recognize collecting candy.

"Who are they?"

He swallowed and looked up at me. "They pick on me at school. They laugh at me because I can't go out to recess."

I pursed my lips. "They won't fuck with you when I'm around. Trust me, okay?" I patted his shoulder.

He sighed and nodded. "Okay."

We started walking again. Kyle had put himself at my side almost from the beginning. "Is he okay?" he asked.

I nodded. "He's fine; just dealing with bullies." I'd handled them in Phoenix, and I would handle them here.

Kyle balled his fist and hit it against the palm of his other hand. "I can help you take care of them."

I gave him a look. "No one is beating up any kids on my watch. But, you can help me scare the tar of out of them."

He nodded resolutely. "Sounds fun."

We didn't get the chance to scare any of Eli's bullies. We did get a few random strangers, which was awesome. My phone buzzed at ten-thirty saying it was time to take Eli home. We made our way back to the house. Eli went in and I stayed on the porch with my friends to talk for a while.

* * *

At three o'clock in the morning, I was woken up by Mom screaming. I sat up and turned on my lamp, then I stretched and got up to check on Eli. No matter how many times this happened over the years, he never knew how to deal with it. Sure enough, he was standing at the top of the stairs looking down. I sighed to myself and walked up to him.

"Hey," I said softly.

He turned to me. His eyes were wet. I smiled sadly and opened my arms to him. His lips trembled, and he shoved himself against me. I grunted and wrapped my arms around him.

"Why?" he asked, his voice muffled by my shirt.

I sighed. "You know why." I didn't know how much he understood earlier that night, but I didn't want to tell him that her nightmare tonight was my fault.

He nodded. "I know why, but why? Shouldn't they be gone by now?" He looked at me. The torment in his eyes hurt my heart.

"Eli, it's not like that."

"She was _seventeen_ when Grandpa died."

I nodded. The knowledge that she had dealt with this for over twenty years didn't help. "I know. I wondered the same thing when I was younger. Dad told me it's like him and being bipolar. He can control it and make it better, but it will never go away. Not completely. Do you even remember the last time Mom had one of her bad dreams? It was like six months ago."

He nodded. "In April."

"Mom's going to be okay. She's not being hurt." I said that for my benefit, not his. I knew more about what was going on in her dreams, but that was all it was. She had stopped screaming, which meant she was awake. "Why don't we go check on her?"

He wiped his cheeks and stepped back. "Yeah."

I held his hand as we went downstairs and peeked into our parents' bedroom. Mom sniffled and Dad told her she was okay. I knocked lightly.

"Come in, guys," Dad said.

Eli walked in and sat on the side of the bed to hug Mom. I sat down beside him and took a deep breath.

"You okay, Mom?" I asked.

She sat up and nodded. "Yeah, baby, I'm fine." She ran her fingers through Eli's hair.

Dad smiled at me. "You know this just happens sometimes."

I looked down. I wasn't sure I really wanted to say anything with my little brother there. I didn't want him to hate me. But I had to know. "It was because of earlier, wasn't it?"

Dad's brow furrowed. Mom unraveled herself from Eli to lean forward and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me in tightly. "No, Josie. No. It's not because of you, baby. Please don't ever think that."

My eyes watered. I squeezed them shut and held her tighter. "But you were so scared."

"I know I was, but it's not your fault. It has never been your fault." She kissed my head and pulled back. "No matter what, Josie; I mean that." She framed my face with her hands and kissed my nose. "I love you, baby."

"I love you, too, Mom." I hugged her again and moved back to wipe my eyes.

Eli was on Dad's lap as he explained what Mom and I were taking about. He crawled off and curled up against Mom, asking again if she was okay. Dad reached out and touched my cheek.

"What about you, Josie; are you okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I think so." It _was_ my fault, but I felt better knowing my family wasn't mad at me about it.

He smiled and nodded. "Good."

A few moments later, I took Eli back upstairs and tucked him in while Dad got Mom back to sleep, then I went to bed as well.

* * *

A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Leave a few comments if you like :)


	7. Into the Ocean

A/N: Howdy ladies and . . . well, if there are any guys reading this, gentlemen! Here's hoping you're still reading. I'm still in the midst of writing a whole lot of different crap, but inspiration started flowing again for this story. Of course I can't just leave that alone. :)

This chapter started off being one of my least favorites, but I think it's growing on me. Miss Josie has been working really hard on feeling good and being happy, but sometimes you just gotta get depressed. :(

Thanks to the lovely WolfGirl1335 for pre-reading. Enjoy :)

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Seven

Into the Ocean

_I want to swim away but don't know how_  
_Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean_  
_Let the waves up take me down_

-Into the Ocean – Blue October

* * *

_**Josie**_

"I know what I want for my birthday," Eli said after school on Friday. It was the day after Halloween and the kid's birthday was only days away.

"What's that?" Mom asked.

"Well, I've been thinking about this for a while, and I think I have a plan." He sounded so grown up. Mom nodded. "I want to start going outside for recess."

I pursed my lips. Mom did the same. Even if it was a lot cooler here than it was in Phoenix, it wasn't the temperature that hurt him.

"Honey," Mom said slowly. I wanted to tell him to forget about it. It just wasn't possible. Mom looked at him in the rear view mirror and sighed. I wondered if she was thinking about all the times she had wanted the same thing in school. "Let's talk to your dad about it."

I stared at her for a second. I knew she wanted him to have the things she couldn't, but this was going a little overboard.

She glanced sideways at me. "Don't look at me like that, Josie."

I rolled my eyes and looked out the window. I could see Dad's reaction now. If he was in a good mood, he'd probably give Mom his sympathetic eyes then bring on the logic. If he wasn't, he'd probably just tell them both to forget it and lay down the law. Either way, I knew he'd stop it.

Dad wasn't in the best of moods that night, but he wasn't in a bad one either. I kept my opinion to myself at dinner while Eli told Dad what he wanted. Dad gave Mom a strange look when my brother mentioned that Mom had said they'd talk to him. He took a deep breath and stayed quiet for a few minutes, taking a few bites to fill the time.

I swallowed and looked at Mom. She put her fork down and cleared her throat. "His recesses aren't long," she said quietly. "Half an hour, I think." She paused and looked at Eli. "Aren't they?"

He nodded. "Morning and afternoon. Lunch recess is forty-five minutes. Please, Dad?"

Dad shook his head. "I don't think it's a good idea. It might just be a half an hour, but then you have other shit, too. Windows you pass by or the library with the glass ceiling. Adding another hour in the sun every day is asking for a problem." He looked at Mom. "I know you know that, babe."

She nodded. "Yeah, but he'd have time in between them. What about just one recess?"

Eli looked between Mom and Dad hopefully. It really hurt my heart to see him asking for that kind of shit. He shouldn't have to. What I wouldn't give to take it away for him. I could be the one with photosensitivity so he could play in the goddamn sun.

"What about no?" Dad said. I smirked. "Ness, it's asking for trouble and you know it. I don't think it's worth the risk."

Mom looked at Eli and reached over to pat his hand on the table. "Let me think about it some more, okay?"

Eli nodded. "Okay, Mom."

Dad sighed but didn't say anything else about it.

* * *

I looked at the old cookbook that Mom pulled out as she turned the page with the recipe for Eli's birthday brownies. It was nine o'clock on Wednesday, Eli's birthday, and his party was that afternoon.

Many of the pages were worn and wrinkled, some more than others. When I was younger, she would stop and look at some of the recipes for a few seconds longer than needed before she'd continue in her search. Now she knew exactly where the one we wanted was and turned right to it. She smiled at me.

"Will you get the eggs out?" she asked.

I nodded and turned to get them. I knew that the cookbook had belonged to her mother, my grandmother Isabella. I'd seen a few pictures of her and had often wondered what she was like. It made me sad that she had died when my mom was born and that everyone who knew her was dead. Nobody could answer any questions I had about her. I'd asked my mom a few times if Grandpa Edward had said much about her before he died. I usually got the same response. He'd said she was pretty and smart and that he'd loved her very much.

I'd wondered a few times if she was the reason Mom had to take so many pictures. The upstairs hallway wasn't the only place lined with them, all kinds from Mom and Dad in their younger days to me and Eli as babies. There were even a few of Faith, our dog that had died when I was seven.

I had promised myself several times in the last few years that nobody else in my family would be forgotten. I would remember at least something of my family and friends and pass it on to my kids someday.

"Josie?"

I looked up at Mom and realized I was standing in front of the open fridge, just staring. I blinked and grabbed the eggs.

"Are you okay, honey?" Mom asked.

I nodded and put them on the counter. "I'm okay. I love you, Mom." I wrapped my arms around her waist and hugged her.

She hugged me back. "I love you, too, baby." She kissed my head. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded again and pulled back. "Yeah, I was just thinking about Grandma Isabella and how nobody remembers her. It makes me sad."

She pet my hair and pouted. "I know; it makes me sad, too." She kissed my forehead.

I took a quick breath and smiled. "What else do we need?"

We finished making the brownies, then I went upstairs to get the book I'd been reading. It was one of the few that I could really get into. Unlike my mom, I couldn't read a book in a day. I'd been working on this one for almost a week, but I was getting close to the end. I didn't want to stay in my room, so I went downstairs and sat on the couch.

"When will people start coming?" Eli asked impatiently a while later.

Mom looked up at the clock. It was only noon. "In about an hour."

Eli groaned. "But that's forever!"

Dad laughed as he came into the room. "Go do something fun and it'll go by faster than you think."

"There isn't anything fun to do, Dad."

I rolled my eyes at him. He didn't notice.

"There's plenty to do," Dad said as he walked into the kitchen. "Go clean your room."

Eli didn't look enthused. "You said to do something fun," he said lamely.

"Cleaning is fun; just ask your mother."

Mom scowled in his direction but didn't say anything. I had to make an effort to keep from laughing. Eli sighed and looked at her.

"Can we watch a movie or something?"

Mom shook her head. "No, not right now. We still have some things to do to get ready for your party. I'm assuming you want some decorations put up?"

"Duh. Can I help with that?"

Mom smiled. "Of course."

"You never let me help with my own party decorations," I reminded her.

"That's because you never asked." She got up and held out her hand to Eli. "Come help me get everything together."

She was right; I never did ask. I always had better things to do. Since he was going to help, I didn't need to. While Mom, Dad, and Eli had their decorating fun, I went upstairs to my room and got Eli's present out of the closet. The little shit had better appreciate it; it cost me twenty whole bucks. I wrapped up the Lego set then I went back to reading my book for a little while until Mom called me down.

The party was interesting to say the least. Eli's friends started showing up ten minutes to one o'clock. He'd invited ten kids from his class, but only four actually showed up. He kept asking Mom when the rest of them would come, and she kept making excuses on their behalf.

Eli was so excited to introduce me to his friends after he got to meet a few of mine on Halloween. Charles and Madison were twins, both equally blonde, blue-eyed, and pale-skinned. They kept saying stuff in unison like they'd rehearsed it. It was weird. Billy was a hulk of a boy, but he seemed really sweet. He had thick, dark brown hair and hazel eyes, and he always referred to Mom as "ma'am" and Dad as "sir". Landon was a tiny thing with wispy, dirty blonde hair and the biggest blue eyes I'd ever seen. I thought Eli could pull off a good "poor me" face, but this kid had perfected the art. He seemed nice, too. Maybe a little greedy, but what can you expect from an eleven-year-old boy?

Billy's and Landon's mothers stayed for the duration of the party. Billy's mom, Patricia, was nice, but Landon's mom, Lexi, made me want to smack her so many times. She'd get pissy with Mom about the tiniest things like she knew everything about raising a child and Mom knew nothing. I noticed that she never made a comment about anything when Dad was in the room. Mom glared at her a few times. I had to applaud her for not making a scene. I barely managed to keep my mouth shut.

Eli took center stage when he opened his mound of presents. He'd gotten almost everything he asked for, aside from the authentic light saber, real-life dinosaur, pet Gila monster, and recesses outside. He even liked the Batman Lego set I got for him.

After presents, it was time for brownies and ice cream.

"What, no cake?" Lexi asked condescendingly when Dad went to light the candles.

"Ew, no way," Eli said as he scrunched his nose. "Cake is nasty."

Mom smirked. "I've doomed my child's whole future by not giving him cake even though he doesn't like it, haven't I?"

Lexi scowled. I wanted to cheer. It would only have been more awesome if Mom had punched her in the face. Or if she'd let me do it.

Dad came back and we all sang "Happy Birthday" to the little twerp. Mom told him to make a good wish because he only got one birthday wish a year. He closed his eyes. Somehow I knew exactly what he was wishing for. It hurt my heart to think he'd be spending his wish on a day in the sun. He opened his eyes and blew out the candles. Dad hugged his shoulders.

"Congratulations, Eli," he said. "You're officially eleven."

I smiled. Both Mom and Dad had said that every single year of my life to both my brother and me. It was sort of a tradition; we only got one wish per year and we couldn't actually become a year older until we blew out the candles. For a long time when I was younger, I wondered what happened to those kids who, for some reason or another, didn't have candles on their birthday. I had wondered if they just never got to grow up. Of course I knew the truth now, but it was still fun to hear.

As Mom was passing out the brownies, I thought about telling Lexi she couldn't have any. I decided that would be a little rude and made another plan. As I had hoped, she asked Mom if she'd made them. Before Mom could answer, I gave her one of my own.

"We made them, Mom and I did. We made sure to use extra spit in the batter, too. Hope you like it."

The boys laughed, and I swear Lexi gagged. It was awesome.

"Josie!" Mom said with wide eyes. Dad was having a hard time hiding his smile.

I shrugged. It was worth it.

"There is no spit in the batter; ignore my daughter." Mom gave me another look.

I laughed even harder when Lexi put her plate down, ignoring the uneaten half of her brownie. Not surprisingly, the wench had to leave soon after that. The only thing I felt bad about was that Eli was down one more friend for his party.

I was put on clean-up duty after everyone finished eating. I was pretty sure Mom made it that way to punish me. Too bad I'd already expected it and wasn't fazed. The kids really weren't that messy, considering. As I threw away the garbage, I thought about taking a fresh batch of brownies to Lexi as a sort of "I'm sorry, fuck off" gesture. In the end, it wasn't worth it. Making the treat required too much effort.

The boys—and girl—decimated Eli's room as they played with his newly acquired toys. Patricia and Mom talked a lot, and Dad disappeared while I was cleaning stuff up. I went upstairs and smiled to myself when I heard the kids playing. They were laughing, screaming, running, and generally having fun. It was nice to hear it.

* * *

"I talked to my teacher today," Eli said at dinner the next Monday. "She said there's a lot of shade outside I could stay in if I went out for recess."

Dad sighed. I licked my lips and reached out to touch Eli's arm. Dad was already frustrated about a few things; it wouldn't do any good adding this on top of it.

"We've already said no," Dad said. He was surprisingly calm. Mom stared at him with a look I couldn't decipher. It seemed to be worry and maybe a little surprise wrapped in one.

Eli pouted. "But it's not fair," he whined. "All the other kids—"

"All the other kids won't fry outside the way you will," Dad shouted. So much for calm. "Jesus Christ, Eli, we've been over this and the goddamn answer is no."

Eli's lip trembled. It didn't matter that he knew how bad Dad's temper could get; he never really knew how to handle it. I squeezed his hand.

Mom cleared her throat. "Jacob, can I talk to you for a minute please?" Her tone made it obvious that she wasn't giving him a choice.

Dad glared at her for a second before he got up and followed her out of the room, grumbling as he went.

I tugged on Eli's hand. "Come on. Let's go upstairs."

He looked at me with wide, tear-filled eyes. "I didn't mean to make him mad."

I stood up and tugged again. "Come on."

He got up and came with me. We went to my room. I sat on my bed and let him curl up against me. I closed my eyes and prayed our parents could keep it together. It wasn't ten minutes before Dad's voice carried up the stairs with Mom's right after it. I kissed my brother's head and gently ran my fingers through his hair.

"It's not your fault," I said softly. "Dad was already in a bad mood, okay? You didn't do anything wrong."

He sniffled. "Except bug them again about something I know I can't have."

I hugged him tightly. "Yeah, but how many times have we both done that? What's happening right now isn't because of you asking again, okay? It's just all the things Dad's dealing with combining together to make him irritable. Sooner or later, he'll come apologize."

Eli nodded. "I know, but it still sucks."

"I know it does. It will be okay." I pet his hair. "You'll see; everything will be back to normal soon."

He huffed. "Our family doesn't know what 'normal' means."

I wanted to argue. We were normal . . . for us. I couldn't, though, because I knew he was right in a way. Not every family had two people with photosensitivity. That in itself was strange. Then there was Mom with her PTSD and Dad with his bipolar.

I sighed and hugged Eli tighter. I didn't know what to say, so I changed the subject.

"Are you getting tired?"

He sucked in a huge yawn before he sat up and nodded. "Yeah."

I ruffled his hair. It was already standing up in odd places, so it didn't get very messed up. "Go on. Get ready for bed. I'll brave the war zone in a minute to make them stop long enough to say goodnight."

He smiled. "Thanks, Josie."

I hugged him one more time before I kicked him out. He ducked into his room and shut the door. I took a deep breath then shut my door to get changed. Once in my pajamas, I started down the hall toward the stairs. I didn't hear anything but the soft creak of the steps under my feet, but that didn't mean anything. Mom and Dad had a few stages of fighting. The first stage was more of a bicker and involved them getting slightly annoyed with each other, but no voices were raised. The second stage was an argument where they'd usually act fairly calm until they shut the bedroom door. Sometimes I wondered if they thought that made their room soundproof.

The final stage was all-out fighting. They'd slam doors and yell and cry until one or the other shut the other one out of the room. There were a few mini-stages between argument and fight. What Eli and I heard earlier was closer to a fight, but it seemed to have mellowed out.

I heard their voices as I crept closer to their room. Mom was talking.

"Ten minutes, Jake. That's all I'm asking. I know he'll want to push for more, but think about it."

"I have thought about it," Dad retorted. "And I've told you before that it's a stupid idea. If you give him any time outside, he's going to take more whether we give it to him or not. Who is going to make sure he goes back inside after ten minutes?"

I planted myself just outside their closed door and pressed my back against the wall to listen some more.

Mom sighed. "Who makes sure he doesn't go outside as it is? His teacher. I could talk to her and ask her to set a timer or something."

"Ness, this is ridiculous."

Mattress springs creaked, and my heart rate skyrocketed with fear I'd be caught when Dad opened the door. I gasped and looked around like a deer frozen in headlights for a second before I realized Mom was talking again.

"You do realize that nothing is actually stopping him from going outside without our permission, right? Think about it. I was told I couldn't go out when I was a kid, but there were plenty of times I snuck out. I always paid for it, but I did it anyway."

Dad grunted in annoyance. I sucked in a slow, deep breath and thought about knocking before someone could catch me. They were both quiet for a minute. I turned around and raised my hand. Before I could knock, Dad spoke again.

"I know you want him to have all the things you never had, Ness." His voice was much calmer than it had been a few moments ago. "I know that. Believe me; it kills me that he has to go through this. What I wouldn't give to put him and Josie both somewhere where neither of them could ever get hurt."

"I know, Jake. But we can't do that. Giving him ten minutes outside during lunch recess won't be exactly what he wants, but it will help."

"Are they still fighting?" Eli whispered. I hadn't seen him come down.

I shook my head and put my finger over my lips to tell him to be quiet. "They're just talking," I whispered back.

He nodded and stepped up beside me to eavesdrop with me. I put my arm around his shoulders. I must have missed something, because instead of more talking, we heard kissing. Eli looked up at me with a grimace and quickly scooted around me to knock on the door. I smiled to myself and waited for one of them to open up.

A moment later, Mom opened the door and let us in. Eli went right up to Dad and hugged him.

"I'm sorry, Dad," he said.

Dad sat down on the bed and looked at Mom. She smiled at him, and he just sighed. "It's okay, Eli. I'm sorry I yelled at you. Your mom and I would like to talk to you about the situation, though."

I really didn't belong in the room while they hashed things out. I had a feeling Eli was going to be happy for what he got and maybe a little annoyed it wasn't more. Instead of sitting around listening to more conversations that had nothing to do with me, I left the room and went to go clean up the kitchen from dinner.

* * *

Eli was a bundle of excitement the next morning. He was ready for school in record time. I was still eating breakfast when he came down the stairs with his coat and backpack on. Mom had been partially right; he had thrown a mini fit over getting only ten minutes, but once that passed he was extraordinarily bouncy. I was happy for him, but I shared Dad's hesitation. I really hoped this didn't end up backfiring on the rascal.

I got ready for school thinking about the whole situation. My brother was so excited because he got to spend a little bit of time outside. I could only imagine what that would sound like to someone who didn't know about his condition. They'd think we kept him locked up in a dark basement and fed him scraps of leftovers. I scowled to myself as I put my hair up. It reminded me of what he'd said the night before. Our family doesn't know what normal is.

I was normal. Sort of. Just an average teenage girl living with a weird-ass family.

I'd never felt out of place before. Not like this. There had been plenty of times that I felt like I didn't fit in with a particular group at school or that so-and-so didn't like me or maybe the perfect Barbie bitch was right and my hair or my clothes or my makeup or my shoes or my whatever was stupid. But I always had Hannah or Josh or Aunt Leah or even Mom and Dad to bitch at about it. Every time I felt like that, someone around me would help me feel like I belonged again. I wasn't sure how that would work this time. I felt like an outcast because I wasn't an outcast. How did that even make sense?

I pushed that thought away as much as I could to focus on getting ready for school. Mom had to run in to the school when she dropped Eli off to talk to his teacher, then she dropped me off. She smiled at me and told me to have a good day. I hugged her and tried to muster a convincing "I'll try" before I got out of the car.

I felt off the whole day. Jennifer kept asking me what was wrong and I kept telling her to mind her own business. I had friends all around me, but not one of them was Hannah or Josh or Kaylie. I couldn't talk to them the way I talked to my other friends in Phoenix. They didn't know about my family's oddness or why I would even feel the way I felt today. I was alone among all of them. Alone and melodramatic. Not a good combination.

I listened to everyone's conversations at lunch, but I didn't have anything to offer. Kyle sat beside me like always and laughed as he told a story about pissing off his dad the night before. The other guys at the table laughed. I thought it was immature and stupid, but that was because I couldn't intentionally piss my dad off without risking _really_ pissing him off which nobody wanted.

After school, I went home and all but locked myself in my room to do my homework. I tried to call Hannah but she didn't answer. Josh was working and couldn't talk for long. Kaylie didn't answer either, although I wasn't as used to talking to her on the phone about heavy shit as I was the other two. I groaned to myself and texted Hannah to call me as soon as she could talk. Maybe if I got some of this out of my system I'd feel better.

* * *

A/N: Thank you for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts :)


	8. Smile

A/N: Well, hello there! Quite a few people have asked me if there would ever be chapters in other people's POV. Turns out, there are. I honestly don't have chapter POV's worked out, just the story line, a few key plot points, and how it's all going to play out in the end. There could very well be more chapters from other people, but I won't guarantee it.

So I didn't plan on this at all, but Jake got a little frisky and a lemon was written. He says you're welcome.

I would like to give special thanks to dkgors; her review and response to my response were the initial inspiration for this chapter. Also a big thank you to WolfGirl1335 and ReneeFF for pre-reading. Thank you, ladies!

Enjoy!

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Eight

Smile

_You make me feel alive,  
And you're giving me everything  
I've ever wanted in life.  
You make me smile,  
And I forget to breathe.  
What's an angel like you  
Ever do with a devil like me?_

-Smile – Sixx:A.M.

* * *

_**Jacob**_

There were good days and bad days, just like everything else. The good days were great, and the bad days were tolerable. That was how I knew for sure I was in control of myself and all the bipolar shit. If the bad days didn't outnumber the good, I was doing okay.

Every now and then, though . . . Every now and then bad days would creep up on me and take me by surprise. I thought I had prepared myself for the move and everything that it required, but boy was I wrong.

Things were going great for the first little while. We started planning the move the year before so we'd be sure we had time to get everything settled. Harry, old and decrepit as he liked to pretend to be, helped me figure out how the hell I was going to start a brand new business in Seattle. Technically, it wasn't a brand new business, just a new branch, but it sure didn't feel any different. It wasn't as complicated as I had imagined it to be, but it wasn't a walk in the park either. Ness and I looked at several different houses online, talked to God knows how many people about neighborhoods, schools, teachers, weather, and everything else we could think of until we found a place that would fit what we needed. I wouldn't lie and say it wasn't scary shit putting a down payment on a house we'd never actually seen in person. Ness and I both had second, third, fourth, and fifth thoughts about it all.

The actual move was so much harder than all the planning that had come before it. While both Ness and I were pretty confident this was a good decision for everyone, it was not easy to say goodbye to all of our friends. Not to mention we had a limited amount of time to get shit packed onto the trucks and unpacked into our new house after an ungodly amount of driving.

All that was over and done with. The kids were in school, both of them doing well, and Ness was happily fitting in among our neighbors. Some people thought it was weird as hell that we covered all of our windows, but none of us gave a shit about them. Clearwater Contracting part deux was establishing itself nicely, which was really all I could ask for. I'd bought out a contracting gig in downtown Seattle and had worked up all the paperwork, schedules, payments, and deadlines. Both Leah and Seth had told me I'd be happy to have the office all to myself, but they were wrong. From the moment I stepped foot into my new office, it felt wrong. I couldn't manage the schedules as efficiently as Leah could and I probably scared away half the people I talked to. I wasn't used to playing nice; I was used to getting my men work. At least that was something I knew how to do. When it wasn't raining or snowing, anyway.

The weather was one factor I hadn't considered. There was shit to worry about in Phoenix, too, but the near constant rain was not one of them. Luckily the client was already used to that and didn't expect a clear-weather completion date.

Overall, looking at the big picture, I could still see how the move had been good for everyone. Even Josie had cheered up for a while and made a host of new friends. I was proud of her. Ness and Eli were both thriving. It made me happy to see both of them so happy. Even though Eli wanted to go outside for recesses, I think he was happy with our compromise of ten minutes. I didn't delude myself into thinking he wouldn't have ever asked if we hadn't moved. I knew he would have eventually.

"They're gone," Ness said as she came in the room. "It's safe to come out now."

I smirked and held out my hand to beckon her to join me on the bed. It was Friday, the kids were in school, and Ness'd had some friends over for a while. They were gone, which meant I got to spend some time with my wife again.

She came up to me and took my hand before she laid down and fitted herself against me. I wrapped my arm around her and hugged gently. Neither of us said anything for a while. I was okay with the silence; it felt nice. She hummed softly and kissed my neck.

"You know you didn't have to hide in here."

"I know." I didn't have to, but it was easier than trying to force myself to be social. I'd learned the hard way several times over that doing so was a bad idea when I wasn't in a good mood.

"Patricia asked me if I was hiding you on purpose."

I looked down at her. "What did you say?"

Her fingers splayed out on my chest as she looked at me with a smile. "I said yes, I was hiding your amazingness from them so they wouldn't get jealous."

I snorted. "Liar. You're ashamed of me; admit it." It wasn't lost on me that a few of her friends had a bit of a crush on me. Ness knew it, too.

She rolled her eyes and leaned up to kiss me. "Okay, fine, you're right. I couldn't imagine anyone seeing the man I settled for." She kissed me again. "I love you, Jake."

"Love you, too, babe."

She sighed and snuggled against me again. "Seriously, though, is everything okay?"

I hugged her a little tighter and nodded against her hair. "Yeah, I think so."

"Are you sure? I don't want to be pushy, but you've seemed kind of distant the last week or so."

I didn't answer her for a moment as I gathered my thoughts. They seemed scattered all over the place—a telltale sign that something wasn't right. I sighed and rolled to my back, taking her with me. She leaned up on her elbow to look at me.

"You can tell me if something's going on," she said softly. She lifted her hand and touched my cheek.

I looked at her and tried to smile. "I know, Ness. It's just all muddled and confusing." I put my hand over hers and turned my head to kiss her palm. "I'm not sure what it is."

She nodded and leaned in to kiss me. "I'm here whenever you figure it out. Just remember that you're amazing, okay?"

I smirked. "Sure, babe."

Over the next few days, I really did try to get out of this funk and be with my family. Eli was overjoyed with his ten minutes, and it was good to hear it. The only other thing he asked for was to be able to go outside at school when it was raining or snowing. That was something Ness and I could give him easily. He was safe in the rain. Josie seemed depressed about something. She was kind of acting like Ness when she was PMS-ing, so I stayed far away from that. She could come to me if she wanted to talk about something.

I wasn't excited about going to work. I made myself go anyway. The days seemed to melt together, and the only thing memorable about any of them was being frustrated about one thing or another. I didn't really know what to do about it. All the things I usually did like vent to Leah about all the little bullshit that added up or talk to a shrink about meds wouldn't work this time around. I could talk to Ness, but she still felt bad for taking the kids away from Phoenix even though she truly believed it was the right move. I knew that if I put that on her, she'd end up blaming herself for my mood swings. It wouldn't matter how I explained it, she'd take the blame.

The whole thing reminded me that Ness and I were going to look up some therapists Dr. Bryce had recommended to us. Dr. Bryce was the guy we went to after Dr. Furst died ten years ago. Over the years, we saw him less and less and eventually settled into a bi-monthly routine. It became less about seeking therapy and more about checking up and making sure meds were still working. It was important, but I supposed neither Ness nor I were thrilled about breaking in a new therapist.

So instead of doing anything, I let it fester. It wasn't smart, and I knew that. It didn't seem that bad at the moment; I could work my way through it.

The week before Thanksgiving was a mess of activity and planning. It was hard to believe that this would be the first year since I met Leah that I wouldn't see her for the holiday. It was a depressing thought, which certainly didn't help my mood any.

On Saturday, Ness took Eli to the store with her. Josie was still moping around like a moody puppy. She hadn't said anything to me about what might be bothering her, and I still wasn't brave enough to ask.

I sat on the couch watching a show when she came down stairs and sat next to me. She didn't say anything for a while until a commercial came on.

She cleared her throat. "Hey, Dad?"

I looked over at her. It was almost amazing how much she looked like her mother. Ness had softer features and lighter skin and eyes, but still the resemblance was uncanny. She sat beside me with her hands in her lap, twisting her fingers together. Even her gestures matched her mother's. It was clear Josie was nervous to say something. I could only assume this had something to do with her crabbiness the last few weeks. I turned the TV off to let her know she had my undivided attention and put my arm around her to pull her in close.

"What is it, baby?"

She sighed and looked up at me. "Can we go home for Thanksgiving?"

My smile dropped. "Josie, we _are_ home." I knew what she meant. Seattle was feeling more like home with each passing month, but I still found myself referring to Phoenix as home on occasion.

She sighed again sat back. "Dad, I mean can we go back to Phoenix for Thanksgiving? Please? I miss it so much, and I know you do, too. So does Mom and Eli. We can go back to visit and eat with Aunt Leah and Uncle Sam, and everything will be great."

I hated to see her eyes watering. I ran my fingers through my hair and sat up straighter. I took a deep breath to ease the tension building in my chest. It wouldn't do either of us any good if I got upset with her right now. "Josie, we already have plans to go back for Christmas."

She rolled her eyes. "That's a month away. Besides, we can make two trips, can't we?"

I shook my head. "No, we can't. Not only is it a pain in the ass to make that drive, we can't afford it."

She huffed. "Oh, please, Dad. I know we're not the richest family around here, but how much can it really cost?"

I clenched my jaw."There was a reason we only came out here once a year before we moved. The gas alone, one way, is almost two hundred dollars." Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "Not to mention snacks, meals, and a hotel room in Utah to stop for the daylight hours."

She closed her mouth and pursed her lips. She was quiet for a second, probably trying to think of another way to convince me we could go back twice. If it were an emergency situation, we could make it there and back as many times as it took, but there were a hell of a lot more things to consider than just travel costs. As much as I missed the shit out of Leah and other friends in Phoenix, we had to be responsible about it all.

"Maybe we could fly out there?" She sounded really hopeful, but she peeked at me like she was afraid I'd yell at her.

I sighed and rubbed her shoulder.

"Or maybe they could come out here?" she said before I could answer.

I shook my head. "They're going to Sam's parents'. Your mom is afraid of flying." Ness had told me several times she would happily live her life on the ground.

She clenched her jaw. "Dammit. So I have to wait until Christmas?"

I nodded. "If I have to, so do you. If it makes you feel any better, we'll be staying out there until after the New Year."

She didn't cheer up right away, but I hadn't expected that. I did, however, catch a little smile playing on her lips. "I guess that'll be okay then. A whole week?"

"Actually about a week and a half. We'll head out the Saturday before Christmas and head back the night of January first."

Her smile grew a little wider. "So our whole break will be spent down there? Oh, that's great." She nodded. "Thanks, Dad." She leaned forward and hugged me tightly.

I hugged her back and kissed the side of her head. "I love you, Josie."

She kissed my cheek and stood up. "Love you, too." She all but skipped away, heading for the stairs.

I smiled. I was proud of myself for handling that as well as I did. Clearly I was doing fine.

Tuesday before Thanksgiving was the kids' last day of school for the week. I had to work, too, but I was taking the rest of it off to be with my family. Tuesday evening, I was helping Ness chop some vegetables for dinner when Eli came in the kitchen.

"Hey, Dad. I made something for you today." He held a paper behind his back.

I nodded and wiped my hands on my pants before I gestured for him to follow me to the table. "What is it?" I sat down in a chair and held my hand out.

He stepped up close and smiled nervously. "In school today we had to write a list of things we're thankful for," he said slowly.

I nodded again. "That's a good idea."

His smile was a little less forced. "I was going to do one of these for you and one for Josie, but I didn't have enough time. I figured you could use it more, so here you go." He pulled the paper out and handed it to me.

I put my hand on his back to hold him there while I read what he'd written. The title of the page said it all. "Reasons I'm Thankful for My Dad, by Eli Black," I read aloud. Just that one line made me get a little choked up. I cleared my throat and continued reading. There was a list of ten reasons:

"1. He always makes time for me and my sister.  
2. He loves my mom.  
3. He gets mad sometimes but he still loves me and my sister.  
4. He taught me that it's okay to get mad sometimes as long as you don't let it get the best of you.  
5. He likes to watch funny movies with me.  
6. He makes funny faces and voices when he reads silly stories.  
7. He and Mom moved to another state so I could have ten minutes outside at recess.  
8. Sometimes he lets me eat pizza for breakfast.  
9. He taught me that it's okay to be different.  
10. He's the best dad in the whole world, and I love him."

I put the paper down on the table and pulled him up onto my lap. "Thank you, Eli. I will cherish this always."

He hugged my neck tightly. "I'm glad you like it, Dad."

He didn't move to get down, and I didn't see any reason to let him go yet. I hugged him tighter. I had always tried hard to be the kind of father my dad was. I didn't want to be a drill sergeant or a pushover. I liked to think my dad was a good combination of both; he knew when to be strict and when to ease up and let me make my own decisions. It wasn't easy trying to figure out where that balance was, and I often found myself second-guessing everything. I was really fucking lucky to have Ness right there with me. We figured it out together, made mistakes together, and cleaned up each other's messes.

Right now, with Eli in my arms and the list he'd made for me, I couldn't help but think I must have done something right. Eli was such a sweet boy who gave his whole heart in everything he did. He made me proud to be his dad, every single day. I squeezed my eyes shut and kissed the top of his head.

"I love you, Eli."

He pushed himself back and smiled up at me. His eyes were wet. "Brady told me today that guys aren't supposed to say that."

"Why not?"

He shrugged and wiped his eyes. "I don't know; that's just what Brady said at recess after I read my list out loud. Everyone read what they wrote."

I nodded. "Oh. Who's Brady? Is he a teacher or something?"

He shook his head. "No, he's a kid in my class. He's kind of mean."

"Mean how?"

"He's one of the kids that makes fun of me for having to stay inside at recess." He looked down at his hands.

"Well, obviously Brady is a whiny little bastard. A real man can say that and mean it, too."

His brow furrowed. He didn't look up. "What do you mean, a real man? Am I a real man?"

I smiled. "I mean, it takes special stuff to be more than a rough, tough, macho-man." I wasn't really sure how to explain this. I knew what I wanted to say. I licked my lips and sat up straighter. "I mean, if a guy says he can't say that he loves someone, whether it's how I love your mom or how I love you, then he's being stupid. Love isn't an emotion meant only for girls. It's fine to be tough and macho when the time is right, but you also have to know when to be soft and vulnerable. It's not easy to do sometimes. God knows I don't like showing it and I get defensive sometimes when someone tries to pry, but it's important."

He nodded as he stared somewhere over my left shoulder. The look on his face said he was processing everything I just said. The crease between his eyebrows didn't smooth out. "So saying that doesn't make a guy weak?"

"No, not at all. As long as you're careful and only say it when you mean it, it can make you a lot stronger."

He looked at me then and smiled. "In that case, I love you, Dad." He leaned forward and hugged me again, tighter than before.

I squeezed my arms around him. "I love you, too, Eli."

He pulled away and slid off my lap. "Will you put that somewhere special?" he asked, pointing at the paper on the table.

I nodded. "Yep, it'll go in my folder with the pictures you painted for me." Ness often said that Eli inherited her father's artistic talent, and I had to agree with her. He could draw or paint almost anything from memory, and he was damn good at it.

He smiled brightly. By the time I made it back to the kitchen, Ness had finished what I'd started and gotten everything in the pan. I walked up behind her and put my hands on her hips. She leaned back against me and continued stirring.

"Sorry I ran away," I said softly. I brushed her hair out of the way and leaned down to kiss her neck.

She smiled up at me. "It's okay. I heard your conversation with Eli. That had to be the sweetest thing I've ever heard you say."

I kissed her lips. "Well I can't have my boy afraid to tell someone he loves them."

She tapped the spoon on the side of the pan and put it down before she turned in my arms. She reached up to hold my shoulders and stood on her toes. "You're such a wonderful dad, Jake." She kissed me, deepening it for a moment.

I hummed, not a bit surprised but still very happy with her enthusiasm. "I think I turned you on."

She smiled sheepishly and turned back to the stove. "You know I can't resist you when you get all mushy like that."

I chuckled and wrapped my arms around her waist again. "I love you," I whispered into her ear.

She shivered. "I love you, too."

It would have been nice to forget about dinner and just take her to the bedroom, but before I could forget we had kids to feed, Josie came in the kitchen.

"Just getting a drink," she said. "Don't let me interrupt."

I buried my face in Ness' neck and tried not to laugh. Neither of us were really comfortable with the idea of the kids knowing what was going on behind closed doors, but we wouldn't let that stop us.

Nessie sighed. "Dinner's going to be ready in about fifteen minutes. Will you and your brother go wash up, please?"

Josie nodded. "Sure." She walked out of the room and hollered at Eli.

* * *

"You seem to be doing better," Ness said that night as she got in bed next to me.

I curled my arm around her and pulled her close to me. "I think I am. I've been trying, anyway." A glossary of exercises to calm me down in addition to my family knowing just how to handle me when I'm in a bad mood was always a good thing.

She kissed my cheek. "It shows. I'm really proud of you."

I smiled and kissed her lips. "Thanks, babe."

She licked her lips and spread her fingers out on my chest. She stared at them for a moment. I started to play with her hair and waited for her to say whatever it was she needed to say. After a few minutes, she sighed and looked up to meet my eyes. It wouldn't matter how many years passed. We could be in our eighties and I'd still know how my Ness felt just by looking in her eyes. Something was bothering her. I kissed her nose.

"Jake, do you think we did the right thing by moving out here?"

I sucked in a deep breath and turned on my side to face her. "I honestly don't know." I rubbed her back lightly.

She pursed her lips and inched a little closer to me. "We thought about everything. We talked about it forever, and I really believed it would be a good thing. Eli's doing great. It makes me so happy to see him making friends and being able to do some of the things I never got to do." She stopped for a moment.

I noticed her eyes had watered. I wiped her cheek with my thumb. "What's wrong, Ness?"

"I just want to make everyone happy. Josie was doing better for a while, but now she's moping around again. You're having a hard time with it. I miss everyone so much." She paused a moment when her lips quivered. "And I want to go see my dad so badly . . . I can't . . . But I know that's so selfish because I'm not the only one who misses it."

I hugged her tightly and kissed her head. "No, you're not the only one. But that doesn't mean you're being selfish." I pushed her back just enough to see her face. "You know that Eli wasn't the only reason we moved. We had talked about adding another branch to the business for years, but we never wanted to trust just anybody with it. This gave us that opportunity, and who better to do it than me with a family who needs to be out of the sun?"

"Yeah, but you haven't seemed very happy about it."

I shook my head. "No, I haven't. But you know me, Ness. I don't like change, period. That doesn't mean it's bad or not working out. If this truly doesn't work out, we can decide what to do from there. I know I have a position back in Phoenix if it comes down to that. I don't think we should give up so quickly, though."

She sucked in a deep breath and nodded. "I know. How is the business going for real?"

I smirked. "Despite my attitude, it's going well. We've hit a few bumps in the road, but it's not anything we can't work out. The company's not losing any money yet, so we're good."

"That's good to hear." She kissed me and pushed herself even closer. "You know what we still haven't done?"

I hummed. "What's that?" I wasn't really paying attention. I preferred to focus on getting Ness out of her clothes. She didn't try to stop me from pulling her shirt up. She sat up and let me pull it over her head.

"We haven't called any of those therapists yet."

"Nope, we haven't." I didn't want to think about it right now, either. I stripped my shirt off and turned over to lay her on her back and hover over her. "We can do that after Thanksgiving sometime." I kissed her deeply before she could respond.

She pushed on my shoulders to get me to lean back. I did, but only to start working on her pants. "Okay, but you can't forget."

I kissed her down her stomach as I hooked my fingers in the waistband of her sweats. "I'm not the only one with a memory around here," I told her. As soon as her pants hit the floor, I spread her legs and put myself between them.

She moaned and grabbed my hair as I licked her pussy. "I'll remind you," she gasped.

I just hummed but didn't say anything back. I loved how she squirmed when she got close to her orgasm. Her legs quivered and one hand in my hair tightened while the other hand gripped my arm around her hip. I moved my arm to take her hand and entwined our fingers. Her back arched again before she sucked in a deep breath and froze for half a second. When she came, she let out a long, breathy moan and her whole body shook. Her whole-body orgasms were my favorite. I loved having that kind of power to do that for her.

I kissed her hip and worked my way slowly up her body, stopping at her tits for a moment, to give her a chance to catch her breath and calm down a little.

"I love you, Ness," I whispered in her ear.

She licked her lips and kissed my neck. "I love you, too."

I got up long enough to put a condom on. I kissed her and ran my fingers lightly over the insides of her thighs as I got back in position. She wrapped her arms around my neck and looked me in the eyes as I pushed inside her. I started out slow, letting the sensation build for both of us. As everything heated up, my pace increased and so did her moans. I leaned in further to kiss and bite her neck.

"Right there," I grunted. "Right fucking there." I pushed my face into her neck and tried to hold off long enough to make her cum again. She knew just how to move her body to drive me crazy. A few rolls of her hips and I was done for. I closed my eyes tightly and growled as I came.

We both relaxed. I held my weight off of her with my elbows and kissed her lips. She smiled and put her hands on my jaw. I kissed her again before I got up to toss the condom. When I laid back down, she pushed herself right up against me and wrapped an arm around my chest.

I hugged her shoulders. "Goodnight, baby."

She nuzzled her face against me and kissed my chest. "Goodnight, Jake." She yawned and stretched before she settled down and wrapped her leg around mine like usual. I smiled to myself and closed my eyes.

* * *

Ness, the kids, and I usually all took turns cooking dinner. It was mostly Ness and the kids unless I didn't have to work. But when it came to the Thanksgiving turkey, I kicked everyone out of the kitchen. The bird was my job. When Josie was younger, I had her help me so she knew how I did it. She didn't seem very interested, but she liked to help Ness with the rest of it. This year I was going to have Eli help.

"Hey, Eli," I called as I got the bird out of the fridge.

He came in the kitchen. "What?"

"Want to help me with this?"

He smiled. "Really?"

"Yes, really. I was twelve when my dad let me help for the first time. It's an honor, so consider yourself lucky."

He laughed and came up beside me. "Sure, Dad. What do we do first?"

I took my time as I showed him all the tricks my dad had taught me. I hovered over him as he cut up the apples and celery for the stuffing. Once I was sure he knew what he was doing, I started on other things. When we finally put the turkey in the oven an hour later, I gave him a high five.

"Good job. Thank you for helping me."

He grinned. "You're welcome. Do I get to help next year?"

"Yeah, probably."

We cleaned up and surrendered the kitchen to Ness and Josie who worked their magic on almost everything else for dinner. Eli and I helped when asked, but otherwise left them alone to do their thing.

Thanksgiving was one of the only times during the year that we actually said a prayer before we ate. It was something both Ness and I had done when we were younger. After the prayer, I cut the turkey and we all dug in.

"This is excellent," Ness said. "You boys did a good job on the turkey."

Eli thanked her proudly.

It felt weird to have such a small group for dinner, but as I looked at the faces of my family, I realized how lucky I really was. Josie was teasing Eli about something. He scowled at her and she laughed. Ness pursed her lips to hide her smile. I smirked to myself. Christmas break couldn't come fast enough, but for right now, I was content to be here with my family.

* * *

A/N: Jake certainly has come a long way, hasn't he? Both he and Ness have. He kinda surprised me while I was writing this; I was sure he was going to get more upset.

Thanks so much for reading :)


	9. So She Dances

A/N: If you're a Josie/Kyle shipper, happy reading! I hope you like the chapter! If you're a Josie/Josh shipper . . . The best I can do is offer a tissue and remind you that the story's not over yet. I hope you still like the chapter. The next one is for you.

Thanks so much to WolfGirl1335 and ReneeFF for pre-reading. Love you girls!

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Nine

So She Dances

_A waltz for the chance I should take  
But how will I know where to start?_

-So She Dances – Josh Groban

* * *

_**Josie**_

I grumbled all morning on Monday. Getting up early after a long break sucked balls. I dragged my ass out of bed and down the stairs to find Mom, Dad, and Eli already at the table. I ignored Eli's comments about my unruly bed hair and sat down.

"Good morning, Josie," Mom said.

I groaned in response.

Despite Mom's protests, I downed a cup of coffee with breakfast. She tried to tell me it would stunt my growth, and Dad piped in wondering how tall he would have become if he hadn't had any when he was younger. Mom just glared at him for a second. Clearly she wasn't winning this particular disagreement. I didn't see why she even tried; it wasn't like I hadn't downed a lot of alcohol in the recent past. Coffee shouldn't have been a big deal.

As I got ready for school, I thought about going home for Christmas. It was going to be awesome; a whole week and a half. I couldn't really say I was over whatever had happened after Eli's birthday. I'd talked to Hannah and Josh about how I was feeling—alone and shut off from my family just because I wasn't weird like them—and they had helped a bit. I'd even talked to Mom a little bit. She helped, but not much. She'd said mostly what I'd expected her to say about how everyone loved me and I was fine and it really wasn't a bad thing that I didn't have some weird condition like they did. She was right, but still I felt off.

I met Jennifer at our locker and we exchanged Thanksgiving stories. She laughed as she told me how her mother had gotten drunk and tried to sing. I smiled and told her about my brother's initiation into the turkey-basting club. One thing I could be happy about was that I didn't have any embarrassing stories about Thanksgiving. At least not any recent ones.

The coffee I drank that morning was finally starting to kick in around third period. It seemed one moment I was yawning and grumpy and the next I was hyper and giddy. And talkative. I couldn't seem to keep my mouth shut. I got yelled at more times than ever before in class because I seriously couldn't shut up. Was this how all those chatty beasts felt? I couldn't imagine living this way every day.

But for now it was okay. After fourth period was lunch. I was eager to sit with all of my friends and talk even more. Lily was all smiles as she talked about her brothers making the turkey but forgetting to take the neck and stuff out of the cavity. Keith and Jason tried to be funny by making jokes, but they were pretty stupid overall.

"Hey, Josie," Kyle said as he sat down next to me. "How are you?"

I looked over at him and my jaw almost dropped. "Holy shit. Kyle Masters, what have you done to your hair?" It was actually combed and parted on the side and gelled in place. And it was out of his face. It wasn't any shorter, though, and for that I felt a strange relief. Why should I even care if he cut it or not?

He laughed and struck a mini-pose. "Do you like it?"

I wasn't sure. I scrunched my nose. "At least it's not in your eyes. But you kind of look like a Ken doll."

Both Keith and Jason cracked up at that. I could see them trying to tease him about what I'd just said. I frowned.

"Shut up," Kyle said. "It wasn't that funny." He looked at me again. "It's my dad's fault. He told me I had to cut it. Well, he's been telling me that for years, but I keep telling him no."

I nodded. "Okay. Well, maybe someday you'll be able to find a style somewhere between Ken doll and mop."

He smiled that wide, amused smile. Why did I think it was so cute? He had nice teeth, too. I looked at his eyes to try to ignore the smile. Why did he have to have those eyes? They were a nice shade of blue. Not too dark but not too light either. The perfect sky-blue. I didn't think I'd ever noticed the little specks of green in them before.

"I'll see what I can do," he said.

I turned back to my lunch, thoroughly confused. What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I feel so warm all of a sudden? Why did I want to scoot a little closer to him? And why did I want to beat the shit out of Keith for still laughing about the Ken doll comment?

Maybe I was getting sick. No, it was probably the coffee. Maybe Mom was right; I shouldn't drink anymore coffee.

* * *

Wednesday. December Fourth. The year 2030. Second period. I sat in my usual seat in the middle of the classroom. Not the back row with all the slackers and not the front with all the geeks and nerds. I twisted my pencil in my hands, pretending it was her neck. The girl I hadn't even known existed until Monday afternoon, just after lunch.

Vicky Jones. She sat a row ahead of me and three seats to my left. Her straight brown hair hung just past her shoulders and her dark blue eyes were wide and disgustingly pretty. She wasn't stick thin; she had the kinds of curves I'd heard guys drooled over. She ran a hand through her hair and sighed as she continued to take notes. My hands tightened around my pencil.

It wasn't her fault. Not really. She hadn't done anything wrong. If I thought about it logically there was absolutely no reason for me to be upset. So what if Kyle had commented on her shirt? So what if he said he liked her hair down like that? So what if he told me, after she was gone, that he thought she was really pretty? None of that meant I had to be plotting her demise right now. And yet I was.

To top everything off, I found I was jealous. I wore a shirt similar to the one she'd worn that day and I straightened my hair. It wasn't pretty chestnut brown. My boobs weren't as big so they didn't fill the shirt quite right. My eyes weren't dark blue and the eyelashes that lined them weren't long and thick.

The loud crack surprised me. I jumped and gasped as my hands slipped on my pencil. I looked down and realized I'd snapped it in two. I looked around cautiously, thankful that nobody else had taken much interest in me. My cheeks were still flaming. I took a deep breath to try to calm down and got out a new pencil.

I was beginning to think this strange infatuation with Kyle had nothing to do with the coffee. Why should I care who he liked? Why did I think it was so fucking unfair that it wasn't me? It wasn't like I'd ever been very nice to him. I felt so wrong when I thought about changing that. I wasn't the kind of girl to go around handing out compliments just to make people feel better. I wasn't the type to do things just to make a guy feel better so he'd notice me. If Kyle hadn't noticed me yet, he wasn't likely to.

It seemed that whole week was Kyle Appreciation Week. Every day I noticed two or three new things about him that I really liked. He was nice to everyone, regardless of social status. He was happy to help anyone who needed it. He smelled really nice, like clean sheets. He was smart and had a way of explaining things that made sense. He didn't cave to social norms just to fit in. He had a really nice laugh. When he smiled, there was a dimple in his right cheek that I'd somehow never noticed before. Even when his hair was in his eyes, it was still long and soft. I wanted to put my hands in it for more than just brushing it out of his face.

Friday came around before I realized what was wrong with me. I must've been so naïve. Once I figured it out, it was so fucking obvious. I had a crush on Kyle. I hated the thought simply because I knew who he liked and it wasn't me.

I sat in second period on Friday staring at Vicky and wondering what she had that I didn't. She had a cute smile. She was nice. She was shy.

That must've been it. She was shy, and I was not. She censored her thoughts and didn't say things that might hurt someone else's feelings. I didn't.

Well there goes any chance for me, then, because I sure as hell wasn't going to change for Kyle. But my chest hurt because I kind of wanted to.

I did my best to ignore everyone at lunch on Friday. If this was how it was going to be for me, I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of dodge.

"Hey," Kyle said as he sat next to me. He always said that. And he always sat there, on my left. He put his tray down before he maneuvered his legs under the table and sat on the bench. Every single day.

"Hey," I mumbled back. I looked down at my tray and stabbed a chunk of beef.

He joined in the other conversations going on around us. I didn't have anything to say, so I just kept my mouth shut and tried really hard to not find the sound of Kyle's voice appealing.

After we'd all finished eating, we began migrating over to our regular spot in the hallway. As I was walking out the door, Kyle grabbed my wrist.

"Hey, um . . . We should go for a walk. It's a pretty day outside."

If I wasn't so abnormally excited about Kyle wanting to walk around with me, I might have asked him why. But I was, so I didn't. I just nodded and did my best to contain the elation dancing around in my chest. We went outside and weaved our way through crowds of other students until we came to a relatively quiet spot by the baseball diamond. He leaned against the chain link fence and smiled at me.

"How's it going?" he asked.

I shrugged. It was going pretty crappy considering everything that had happened that week. "It's going, I guess."

"Is everything okay?"

Oh, great. Now I have to add concerned about me to my list of shit I liked about him. I sighed. "I guess. Maybe. I don't know." I shrugged again.

I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"

Yeah, I could see _that_ going over well. "No."

He hummed. "Okay. Just keep in mind that I'm your friend and I'll listen if you need to bitch about something."

I smiled and looked up at him. "Thanks."

His hand dropped back to his side. "But, um . . . there's something else I wanted to ask you."

"What is it?"

He looked down at the ground for a minute. I sighed and gave in to the urge to pull his hair out of his eyes. He smirked and looked at me.

"Will you go out with me?"

I could help but laugh. When he didn't laugh with me, I realized he wasn't joking. My smile dropped, and suddenly I was furious. I took a step back.

"What the fuck, Kyle?" I demanded.

His eyes widened. "What?"

"What do you mean, 'what'? You know what. Fucking hell. You don't go around flirting with other people if you like someone else, and you sure as fuck don't ask me out when I know you like someone else. It's not fair!"

He actually started to laugh. I was so close to punching him in the face.

"Josie, don't you see? I was taking your advice. Flirt with someone else and see if you get jealous, remember?"

It took me several seconds to realize what he was saying. So he didn't like Vicky? "Really?" I asked.

He pursed his lips and nodded. "Yes, really. I'm asking you out on a date."

It felt like a whole bunch of tables were turned all at once. Kyle actually did like me. It was a strange thought. And I couldn't help but wonder why when I was such a mess. Granted, he didn't know about my family. I was suddenly nervous about what he would think of me when he did get to know them.

"I don't know, Kyle." I hated that answer.

He looked down again. "Is that a no or a maybe?"

"It's a really shitty excuse of an answer is what it is," I said. "But it's true. I don't know." I shuffled my feet and pretended I knew what I was talking about. The truth was I was so lost and confused and I just wanted things to be clear again. "It's complicated."

"So if I keep pushing, you'll eventually say yes?"

I couldn't help but laugh a little. "Either that or kick your ass." I sucked in a deep breath and stepped away from him. "You don't want to date me anyway." Why was I saying any of this? Why wasn't I just agreeing like I knew I really wanted to?

He snorted. "Then why did I ask you?"

"Because you're a dumbass."

"Gee, thanks."

I groaned and looked up at him again. "I didn't mean it like that. See? You don't want to date me because I'm awkward and say the wrong things and I'm kind of mean sometimes."

He smiled and reached out to take my hand. I let him. "I still want to get to know you better."

I rolled my eyes. "You can do that as my friend. You don't want to get to know me anyway because I'm . . ." how do I explain what I am? "I'm . . . weird. My whole family is weird. And you're normal. Normal doesn't fit in my family."

He stepped closer and made me look at him. "Are you running out of excuses yet? I'm still here, still asking. Give me a chance?"

Why did he have to look at me like that? I swallowed, still nervous but somehow comforted a little. "We'll still be friends, right? If you decide I'm too fucked up, we'll still be friends?"

He nodded. "You're not fucked up at all, but I promise."

I almost jumped out of my skin when the bell rang. I glared several daggers at the red brick building. How dare it interrupt this moment? Throughout the rest of my classes, I thought about my talk with Kyle. The more I thought about it, the more giddy and anxious I became. I wondered when I was allowed to tell people I was going out with Kyle Masters. I wondered if he'd tell people he was going out with me. He'd damn well better lay off the comments about Vicky.

After school, I met with Kyle in the commons. We let everyone rush around us while we sat and talked for a few minutes. We made a plan to go to dinner the next night. It seemed so grown up. I had been thinking a movie, but dinner sounded so much nicer. I was both nervous and excited.

"Do you have any plans for the weekend?" Mom asked at dinner that night.

It was a usual question on a Friday night. It wasn't unusual for me to have something planned with Jennifer or Lily on a Friday or Saturday night. But this time I found myself nervous to answer her. I cleared my throat.

"Um, yeah, kind of." I speared a broccoli that was too big but shoved it all in my mouth anyway.

She and Dad looked at me for a second. I took my time chewing and was a little relieved when Eli started chattering about something that had happened at recess. He was still happy with his ten minutes, but sometimes a few of the other kids would tease him when he had to go back inside earlier than everyone else. I saw the look Dad gave his plate. I felt the same way. Those bullies better watch themselves. Nobody fucks with my little brother but me.

I finally finished chewing and swallowed. Mom gave me a look that said she knew what I was doing. "So what are you doing this weekend?"

I sighed. Better to get this over with, I supposed. "I'm going out with Kyle. Would you pass the rolls, please?"

Mom handed me the plate with the rolls. I noticed Dad's eyes on me. I tried to ignore him and just finish my dinner. Mom couldn't let it go.

"Kyle, the boy whose birthday party you went to?"

Oy. "Yeah, him."

Dad cleared his throat. "'Going out' as in . . ." He purposely trailed off, letting me know he wanted an exact translation.

"Meaning he asked me out on a date, and I said okay."

Eli laughed. "I _told_ you she had a crush!"

"Yeah, whatever, Shithead," I said. "Shut it."

"Josie," Dad reprimanded. "Don't talk to your brother like that."

Eli gloated. I grimaced.

"Where will you be going?" Mom asked curiously.

I shrugged. "I don't know yet. He says he'll think of a nice restaurant. We're going to dinner."

Eli ooh'ed and ahh'ed for a second while I contemplated smacking him.

"What time tomorrow?" Dad asked.

I speared another broccoli. "Six, I think."

He nodded. He looked happy to know he'd be home from work by the time my date showed up.

"Dad," Eli said. "You can tell her she's too mean for a boyfriend."

Dad chuckled. "You tell her that and see how fast she can chase you upstairs."

Eli frowned. "I think that was my point. Can I be done?" Dad inspected his plate before he nodded. It was almost impressive how quickly he got his plate to the sink and disappeared upstairs.

"You'll be nice to him, right?" I asked, looking at Dad.

Dad stared at me for a second before he smirked. "Yeah, I guess."

Mom gave him a look. "Yes, you will be."

He smiled at her. "I've been waiting for this moment since she was a baby. Her first boyfriend, remember?"

I saw Mom smile, too, but it looked like she was trying to hide it. "It's a good thing you're still not allowed to have guns."

Oh shit. "_What_?" I asked, alarmed.

Mom and Dad both laughed. "Don't worry, honey," Mom said. "Nobody's getting shot."

I swallowed. Of course no one would get shot; like Mom said, Dad couldn't have guns. But that didn't mean he couldn't scar the boy for life in some other way.

"I'll be nice, Josie," Dad said a moment later. "As long as he's nice to you and respectful and keeps his hands to himself, I'll be nice to him."

I nodded. "Okay."

* * *

I woke up Saturday morning already nervous about the coming night. I talked to Mom about the whole situation after Dad had gone to work.

"Believe me, sweetheart, I know exactly how you feel," she said. "But you are a wonderful young woman. There are so many amazing things about you. I can't blame him for liking you."

I smiled and leaned in to her shoulder. "But what about Dad?"

She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and kissed my head. "Don't worry about him. You know he likes to act all tough but really on the inside he's a softie. He wants you to be happy, just like I do. If you're happy with Kyle—and Kyle is nice to you and treats you the way a guy should treat a girl—then he has nothing to worry about."

She had a point. It did make me feel a little better. "Thanks, Mom." I hugged her tightly.

I called Hannah at two o'clock to get some wardrobe advice. I ended up wearing a dark green, cotton sweater with a swooping neckline, a jean skirt that went to my knees, and my heeled sandals. I curled my hair so it was wavy and bouncy and spent a little more time than usual on my makeup. When I was finished, I smiled at the result. I was one hot tamale. I winked at my reflection and went to make sure I had everything I needed. I stuffed what I needed into my bra and walked downstairs at five-thirty.

Mom and Dad were on the couch talking about something when I came in the living room. He'd gotten home almost an hour earlier.

"How do I look?" I asked. I spun in a circle to show off.

Mom got up and put her hands on my shoulders and looked me over. "Oh, honey, you are a vision." She kissed my cheek. "Isn't she beautiful?" she asked, turning to see Dad.

He stood up and nodded. "Yeah." He came over and hugged my shoulders. "But you already knew that."

I scrunched my nose. "Thanks, Dad."

He smiled and walked away toward the kitchen. Mom and I sat on the couch and talked about my date plans for a while until we heard a car pull up. My heart rate sped up, and suddenly I was so nervous.

"I shouldn't answer the door, right?"

Mom shrugged. "I don't know. I will if you want me to."

All the stories I'd read and heard talked about making the guy wait a few minutes. "Yes, please let him in. I, um . . . I think I forgot something upstairs." I was sure I hadn't, but if it got me out of the room, I was all for it. I ran upstairs as gracefully as my shoes and skirt would allow and waited until I heard the doorbell. Why was I so nervous? Were my palms sweating? I wiped them on the sides of my skirt anyway.

Eli poked his head out of his room. "Good luck, Josie," he said. Then he started singing. "Josie and Kyle sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

I made a lunge for him, but he ducked back into his room before I could make it. Little cretin. I took a deep breath and decided Kyle had waited long enough. I made my way back downstairs just in time to see Dad walk in from the kitchen and give Kyle a once-over.

I cleared my throat and stepped up to Kyle. He'd done what I had really hoped he would and found a style between Mop and Ken. It wasn't gelled to the side, but it was brushed and parted slightly, and it did stay out of his eyes.

"Hey," I said.

He smiled at me. "Hey. You look beautiful, Josie." He held out a rose. "I brought that for you."

I smiled as I took it and sniffed. It smelled good. "Thank you."

Mom took the flower for me and said she'd put it in some water. After she walked away, I took Kyle's hand and tried to urge him out the door. We didn't make it before Dad came up and put a hand on Kyle's shoulder.

"Do you have your license or is someone driving you?" he asked.

"I have my license. My dad didn't want me to go through the school, so I had my Driver's Ed during the summer."

Dad nodded. "Okay. Drive safely. Her curfew is eleven. Do I need to tell you what'll happen if she's not home by then?"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

Kyle shook his head. "No, Sir."

"Don't piss me off, Kyle. And don't touch my daughter or I'll kill you."

Kyle swallowed. I tightened my hand on his just to make sure he wouldn't pull away. He didn't try, which I was grateful for.

"Of course not, Sir."

Dad smiled and turned his attention to me. "Have fun, baby." He kissed my cheek.

"Sure, Dad."

Finally we were able to walk out the door. I breathed a sigh of relief when it shut behind us, and I was officially alone with Kyle.

"I'm sorry about that," I said.

He shrugged. "It's okay. He wasn't really serious, was he? Not that I plan on touching you . . . like that . . . I just . . . Yeah, okay, never mind." He laughed nervously and opened the passenger side door. I smirked to myself and got in. I decided not to tell him that Dad was at least a little serious.

The restaurant where Kyle took me looked really nice. It wasn't the nicest I'd ever seen, but I couldn't really expect him to take me to some schmancy place like some of the places Dad took Mom.

"Did you have to make reservations for this?" I asked when he opened the car door for me.

He took my hand and nodded. "Yeah. My dad suggested it. He said I could probably afford it on my allowance." He chuckled.

I hugged his arm as we walked up to the place. "This will be great."

He smiled and opened the door. The host was the kind of hoity-toity, super-groomed butler type I'd expect to find in movies about old, rich people with servants. He didn't look too pleased to have to deal with teenagers.

"Uh, hi," Kyle said with a smile. "We have a reservation for two. For Masters. Kyle Masters."

I almost laughed. I doubted he'd done it intentionally, but suddenly I could see him doing a _James Bond_ routine. If I was being honest with myself, it was kind of hot.

The butler with a stick up his ass looked down his nose at the book on the podium in front of him for a second before he nodded.

"Right this way." He pulled out two menus and led us to a table.

I tried really hard to keep from laughing at the way the man walked. It wouldn't have surprised me if he really did have something up his ass. Kyle pulled my chair out for me, and I thanked him as I sat down. He sat on the opposite side of the table and opened his menu.

"You can get anything you want," he told me. "Don't worry about the price."

If he insisted. I opened the menu and thought briefly about getting the most expensive thing just because he'd said that. Veal didn't sound that appetizing, though, so I went with some pasta instead. He placed our orders, then our menus were taken and we sat staring at each other for a few seconds. I blushed when I caught myself literally staring into his eyes. They were so blue it was distracting.

Kyle cleared his throat. "So, Josie . . . Um, how are things?"

I snorted. "You don't ask how things are when you're on a date, Kyle." Like I would really know. "You ask questions to get to know the other person. Something like, what is one thing about you that nobody else knows?" So I stole that from Dad; sue me.

He raised his eyebrows. "I'm glad one of us knows what we're doing."

My stomach turned, and I looked down at the table. I hadn't meant to offend him. "I'm sorry." I wasn't sure how to tell him that I most certainly didn't know what I was doing.

He reached out and took my hand on the tablecloth. "No, it's okay. I'm just kind of . . . y'know. I don't have a lot of dating experience. Not like this."

I shrugged. "I don't either. I just go by things people tell me."

He sucked in a deep breath and sat back again. "Okay, so tell me something about you that nobody else knows."

I thought about my answer. "Um . . . Oh, when I was seven years old, I found my mom's razor in the bathroom and tried to shave my legs. I cut myself a few times, but I told her it was because I tripped outside."

Kyle laughed. "Why would you want to shave your legs at seven?"

"Because my mom was doing it; obviously I had to do it, too, if I wanted to be a grown-up." I smiled and looked down at my fingers. "So what about you?"

"Well, let's see . . . Something no one else knows. I can't stand comics. Like the old _Marvel_ comic books and stuff? I hate 'em. I like most of the movies, though."

"Don't most guys live for comics, though?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Maybe, but I don't."

"What's your favorite movie based on a comic?"

"Hmm . . . probably the _Spiderman_ movies."

I nodded. "Those were good ones."

He met my eyes and smiled. "I thought so, too. Now I get to ask questions. You owe me two."

I nodded. "Fair enough. Fire away."

Before he could ask anything, our dinner arrived. We both took a few minutes to taste everything. It was all so delicious.

"What is your most favorite dessert?" Kyle asked.

I answered without hesitation. "Cheesecake. Nothing can top the amazingness of cheesecake."

He chuckled. "All right. How about . . . what is something about you that makes you unique?"

I pursed my lips. "Everything about me makes me unique."

"Not really. Your hair for instance. You're not the only girl in the world with red hair. Or brown eyes. Every girl on the planet has two arms, two legs—"

I held up my hand. "Okay, I get it. Something special about me." I took a minute to think about it. I really couldn't think of anything to say. "I don't know," I finally admitted.

Kyle leaned forward a little bit. "One thing that makes you special is you're not the kind to hide things. I mean, what you see is what you get. You don't lead people on and you don't pretend to be friends with someone you don't like. That kind of honesty is rare. I like it a lot."

I blushed. "I didn't know we could answer for each other." I wasn't sure if I wanted to admit that I really liked what he'd said.

"I figured you should know what I like so much about you. That's not the only thing, but it's one of the things I like the most."

"You don't think I'm awkward and maybe a little embarrassing when I say what's on my mind?" I stared at my plate as I asked.

"Maybe a little, but mostly it's endearing."

"Endearing is the prequel to really fucking annoying."

He laughed out loud. I couldn't help but glance around me to make sure nobody was staring at us. Everyone else was minding their own business. I took a breath and tried to relax a little.

We ate and talked for a while. We talked about our least hated subjects in school and about pets. I told him about Faith and that I wanted another dog but was nervous to get another because Faith could never be replaced. He told me about his mom's two cats, Tri-Pod the three-legged Calico and Fluffers the Maine Coon. We talked long after we'd both finished eating. Kyle even ordered some cheesecake for me for dessert. By the time we left, I was pretty sure the waiters were happy to see us go.

We pulled up to the house and Kyle cut the engine. I wasn't really eager to get out. I looked up at the porch and the light that was on, waiting for me.

"I had fun," Kyle said.

I smiled and looked at him. "I did, too."

"So, um . . . Do I get a second date?"

I put my hand over his on the center console. "Yeah. You passed the first date test."

He smiled brightly. "I'm glad to know that. I should probably walk you up there, huh?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

We got out, and I held his hand as we walked up to the porch. He squeezed my fingers just before I could open the door.

"Hey, um . . . I just wanted to tell you that you really are very beautiful tonight. I mean, always. But especially tonight."

"Thanks." I wasn't sure why I blushed. I knew what was coming next. I just hoped he wasn't expecting anything more than a peck of a kiss. I liked him, and I was happy he liked me back, but I didn't want to swap spit with him. The thought was a little disgusting.

He cleared his throat and pushed my hair back behind my shoulder. "Can I kiss you?"

Oh, jeez. My knees felt weak. Hadn't I just thought it was disgusting? Why was I suddenly imagining pushing him against the wall with my tongue down his throat? Ew. I took a breath and nodded. "Yes."

He leaned down and gently placed his lips on mine. It lasted only a few seconds and he didn't try to open his mouth, but it still felt very nice. When he pulled back, his cheeks were a little red.

We both jumped when the door opened. Dad stood there with a smirk on his face. "Hey, guys."

Mom came up a second later. "Jacob, let them say goodnight." She smiled at me. "Sorry, honey." She pulled Dad back and shut the door.

I was glad I'd gotten the kiss when I did, because the moment was long gone. I couldn't help but laugh at the look on Kyle's face. "I told you my family is weird."

He chuckled. "That you did. I think all families are in their own way."

I nodded. "Probably. I should go in."

"Oh. Yeah, of course. Goodnight, Josie. I'll see you Monday at school." He leaned down and kissed my cheek before he took a few steps back. I waved and turned to go inside.

* * *

A/N: Thanks so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts!


	10. Stupid Girls

A/N: So I know I said that this chapter would be for the Josie/Josh shippers . . . Well, some of it is, kind of, but Kyle and Josie started talking and wouldn't shut up and I'm only kinda sorry. Kyle isn't going anywhere, so you might as well settle in for the ride. I will tell you that Josh isn't going anywhere either, and he has a lot of page time in the next chapter (I promise this time). But I won't tell you what happens :)

There is a lot of sex talk going on in the next few chapters as well. Just so ya know. Teenagers and hormones.

Thanks so much to WolfGirl1335 and ReneeFF for pre-reading. Enjoy!

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Ten

Stupid Girls

_Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back.  
__Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't want to be a stupid girl.  
__Baby, if I act like that, flippin' my blonde hair back,  
__Push up my bra like that. I don't want to be a stupid girl._

-Stupid Girls – P!nk

* * *

_**Josie**_

"So you're just going to leave?" Kyle asked on Monday at lunch. He pouted at me. "Just like that?"

I nodded. "Just like that." I couldn't help but smile. Our trip to Phoenix was coming up the next weekend. Kyle and I had been dating for a week—it was still a little weird to say that—and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't taken advantage of his driver's license the past weekend to help me do my Christmas shopping. He was nice about it and said he had to do some, too, so it all worked out.

"And you'll be gone how long?"

I looked over at him. He'd gone back to letting his hair fall in his face. It still bugged me, and I still reached out to push it to the side. "You're not going to turn into the scary-possessive boyfriend, are you?"

He laughed. "God, I hope not. I'm just curious."

"We'll come back after New Year's. Will you miss me?" I stuck out my bottom lip in an attempt to look cute.

"You know I will."

"Fuck, you two are disgusting," Keith said as he sat down. "Everyone at this table is disgusting."

I looked over at Jennifer and Jason getting cozy and giving each other what I could only assume was sex eyes. Trish was doing the same thing with Martin, only she actually had her tongue halfway down his throat. I kind of had to agree with Keith; they were gross. But Kyle and I weren't; we were just talking. I noticed Lily sitting at the other end quietly staring into her tray as she ate. I frowned; she looked lonely.

Kyle put his arm around my waist and smiled smugly. "You're just jealous."

I rolled my eyes. It was bad enough I had to learn that Keith liked me; I hated having to deal with Kyle's gloating along with it.

Keith scowled. "Shut up. You're the one stuck with her."

And cue him insulting me to make himself feel better. I sighed and looked over at Lily. She was the only other one at the table who wasn't paired up. I had asked her once why she didn't have a boyfriend and she said it was because her parents wouldn't let her date until she was sixteen. I thought that was a stupid rule, but I wasn't the one making them.

"Hey," I said. "Lily."

She looked at me. "Hmm?"

"Want to come walk with me? We can get away from all the mush."

She smiled and nodded. Kyle kissed my cheek before he let me get up.

"Are you okay?" I asked when we were out of the building.

She nodded and shoved her hands in her coat pockets. "Yeah, I'm fine."

I pursed my lips. "Are you sure? I mean, you looked kind of lonely at the table."

She shrugged. "I'm fine. It's not like everyone has forgotten I exist. You still talk to me."

"You shouldn't be lonely with friends; it's not right." I shook my head.

She smirked and looked up at me. I was getting used to the idea of being taller than someone. "I'm glad you think so. I don't think Jennifer remembers who I am. And Trish . . . well, she forgot about me the moment she realized I wasn't going to play her games." She sighed. "I have a lot of friends, though."

"That doesn't mean it feels good to have one stop talking to you." I didn't want to be that friend. Jennifer and I still did a lot together, but it wasn't hard to see how much time she spent on Jason. And if I was being honest, I thought she seemed a little like her old self now that I had a boyfriend, too.

"No, it doesn't."

"Do me a favor, will you?"

We sat down on a bench near the track field. "What's that?"

"Kick me if I do that? I don't want a stupid boy to change me like that."

She smiled. "You have my word." She held up her right hand.

"Thanks."

We were both quiet for a second. I took a deep breath of the cold, humid air and coughed a little. I was beginning to like the weather. We didn't usually have very cold winters in Arizona. I wondered if we'd have a white Christmas or a warm one.

"Can I ask you a question?" Lily asked.

I chuckled. "You just did." She just looked at me. I laughed again. "Yeah, go ahead."

"What's it like having a boyfriend?"

I shrugged. "It's like having a regular friend that gives you warm fuzzies and that you get to kiss, I guess." I hadn't found any real difference other than that and the fact that I'd get really mad if someone else tried to flirt with him.

She hummed. "What about . . . I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to pry and you can tell me to butt out if you want. I'm just curious to know if sex is all Trish makes it out to be."

I felt my cheeks flame. "Oh. Um, well, I wouldn't know. We haven't . . . We've only been dating a week." I couldn't see that ever happening. Of course, I'd said pretty much the same thing about making out with Kyle and that had happened the day before. Who knew?

"Oh. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to make it sound bad. Jennifer and Jason waited three days, I think. She said it hurt."

I nodded. I'd known about Jennifer and thought she was stupid for letting it go so fast. I couldn't say for sure, but I thought she was a virgin before him.

"But then Amanda and Kaitlyn said it didn't. So I was curious." Lily shrugged.

"I can't really say that I'm sorry I can't answer," I laughed. "Because I'm not. I don't plan on finding out anytime soon either."

"That's good. I think my parents would kill me if I did anything before I got married."

I grimaced. "I don't know if I'll wait that long. At least out of high school, I think."

She nodded. "It would go against our religion if I did anything out of wedlock. Really, I think my mother would disown me."

Although I'd never really talked to Mom about it much, I knew she'd never go that far. She might disappointed or whatever, but she'd probably be more concerned that mad. It made me realize how lucky I was to have her as a mother.

The bell rang, and we both went back to class.

* * *

"Don't let him stay up too late, Josie," Mom said. "There're some chili leftovers in the fridge you can have for dinner, and I want him in bed by nine o'clock."

I almost rolled my eyes. This was pretty much an exact repeat of every night my parents had ever gone anywhere, leaving me to watch my pain-in-the-ass brother. They had rented a hotel room for the night so they could do their anniversary sex ritual without the kids nearby. We'd be leaving for Phoenix the next night.

"I got it, Mom. I promise he will not stay up all night watching horror movies." That had happened once, and I still got crap for it. Was it really my fault the little shit got scared so easily? It also wasn't my fault that the rules of big-sister-dom obligated me to scare the pants off him after a scary show.

Dad walked up as he straightened the sleeve of his dress shirt. "They'll be fine, babe," he said. He looked at me. "No visitors, either."

I shrugged. "No problem." Like they really thought I was planning some wild party for the night. "I'll spend the night packing and getting Eli ready to leave tomorrow."

They both smiled. "Good idea," Mom said.

They finally left at five-thirty. Eli was in his room being quiet and leaving me alone, so I went up to my room and dug my suitcase out of my closet. I went through my clothes and carefully picked out an outfit for each day we'd be gone. I knew I'd end up buying new clothes or getting some for Christmas, so I had to make sure I didn't over pack.

My phone went off at seven o'clock with a text. It was Kyle asking if I could come over. I sighed and sent him a text back saying I was stuck inside watching my brother. There wasn't much watching going on, but that wasn't the point.

_Mind if I come over?_ He asked.

I bit my lip. Dad had said no visitors. Did boyfriends count? I was pretty sure Dad said that specifically for my boyfriend. Oh, what the hell. There was a slim to nothing chance my parents were going to come home early tonight of all nights, and I could probably bribe Eli into keeping quiet.

_Sure_, I replied. My stomach flipped with excitement. _But I still have to pack and feed Eli_, I added.

_I'll help._

I smirked. _Okay, but it'll be boring. What time are you coming over?_

_About ten minutes. See you soon._

I almost squealed. Instead, I hurried to pack all of my bras and underwear under the rest of the clothes I already had in the suitcase so Kyle couldn't see them. I rushed out of the room and knocked on Eli's door.

"What?" he called.

"Kyle's coming over."

I heard his footsteps running and the door flung open. "Dad said no visitors!"

I smirked. "I'll let you stay up an hour later if you keep your mouth shut."

He quirked his lips. "An hour later, and I want chocolate for dinner."

Hmm. "No, but I'll make a banana split after dinner."

"And I get to watch a movie."

I sighed. "Okay, but you're still going to bed at ten."

"All right. But you can't get all kissy, because that's gross."

I laughed and pushed him back into the room. "We won't get all kissy when _you're_ in the room."

Kyle showed up at seven-fifteen. I gave him a brief tour of the house.

"You don't have any windows," he commented. "I didn't notice that before. Why are they all covered?" He started to pull one of the curtains back, but I stopped him.

"My mom and my brother are both allergic to the sun."

He scoffed. "Really?"

I glared at him. "Really. It's called photosensitivity." This relationship would be over really fast if he even tried to make a joke about it.

He hummed. "That's too bad. Is that why you moved from Phoenix?"

"Part of the reason, I guess." I shrugged. "I need to finish packing."

He nodded. We went up to Eli's room first to help him finish packing. When he was done, we went to my room and I ordered him around for a while. He helped me get shoes and makeup and whatever else I needed together. By the time eight-thirty rolled around, I was ready to leave the next night.

"Thanks for your help," I said as I sat on the edge of the bed next to my closed suitcase.

Kyle sat next to me. "You're welcome."

He looked around the room for a second before he turned his eyes to the bed. We were both quiet for a few minutes until it started to get a little awkward. I cleared my throat and stood up.

"Are you hungry?"

He shook his head. "Not really. I had dinner before I came over."

I nodded. "Okay. Well, um . . . I gotta feed Eli. He's staying up until ten. He wanted to watch a movie; do you want to watch one?"

He stood up beside me. "Sure. What kind of movie?"

"Probably a lame cartoon or something. I promised my mom he wouldn't watch anything scary."

I went to get Eli, then we all went downstairs. I found the leftovers Mom was talking about and heated them up. Kyle sat with us at the table while Eli and I ate.

"You have girly hair," Eli said to Kyle. I almost laughed.

Kyle ran his fingers through it. "You think so?"

Eli nodded. "Yeah. Only girls are supposed to have long hair."

"That's not really true," I said. "Remember when Josh had his hair to his shoulders? You said you thought he looked cool."

Eli looked at me. "But Josh didn't look like a girl."

"Who's Josh?" Kyle asked.

I smirked. "He's a guy." So far it seemed I was the only one getting jealous in this relationship. It felt nice to see Kyle do it, too.

"From Phoenix?" he asked.

Eli snickered. "He's handsomer than you. Taller, too. And he has a job making a lot more money than you."

I really tried to hide my smile. It wasn't easy with the look of disbelief written all over Kyle's face.

Kyle swallowed, then he cleared his throat. He looked at me for a second. "So this guy . . . um . . . Did you ever . . ."

"Date him?" I asked.

"Or ever want to?"

I snorted. "No. He's my cousin."

Kyle's brow furrowed. "Your cousin?"

I smiled brightly. "Yep."

Eli scowled. "Not really. Dad's not actually related to Aunt Leah, so Josh isn't our cousin. He's a family friend."

Kyle looked a little too relieved. "So there's no, uh . . . competition?"

I laughed out loud. "Oh, Kyle. If you can't handle a little competition, what good are you?"

He frowned. "I didn't say I couldn't."

"I'm going to be gone for a week and a half, staying in the same house as Josh. Can you handle that?"

"He's your cousin, right?"

I sighed. "If he wasn't my cousin, could you still handle it? Could you trust me?"

His eyes widened. "Trust you? Yeah, of course I trust _you_. But guys are stupid and you're pretty and I wouldn't blame anyone for trying to take you away from me."

My whole body warmed up nicely. "That's sweet."

Eli gagged theatrically. "That's gross."

I shot him a look. "Shut up."

"I'm done; what movie do I get to watch? What about that one Dad was talking about the other day? The one about the Native American and the tumor and the thing?"

"The what?"

He frowned. "I don't know what it's called."

"No scary movies. I promised Mom."

He put his hands on his hips and gave me a sassy look. "And you also promised Dad no visitors."

I just stuck my tongue out at him. If he really wanted to watch a scary show, I'd let him, but I wasn't dealing with the consequences.

I took our dishes to the kitchen while Kyle and Eli went to the living room to pick out a movie. I heard them talking, and it sounded like Kyle was trying to convince Eli to watch some _Disney_ show. I smirked. It would probably backfire, but I liked that he tried. While they figured it out, I made us all banana splits.

Eli couldn't find the movie he thought he wanted, so we settled on a Korean show that turned out to be pretty good. It wasn't that scary. I had to laugh when both Kyle and Eli tensed up at several spots.

It was fifteen minutes after ten when I finally got Eli to bed. He was scared like I knew he would be, but I turned on his nightlights and left the door open.

Kyle was on the couch when I went back downstairs. I sighed and plopped down next to him. He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side.

"That was a pretty scary movie," he said.

I shrugged. "Not really. I've seen a lot scarier." I looked up at him. "What was your favorite part?"

He looked into my eyes for a moment before he smiled. "The end when everyone lived happily ever after."

I smirked. "Of course it was."

His eyes darted to my lips and back up to mine before he leaned in and kissed me. I couldn't deny that I liked the way his lips felt against mine. My stomach felt fluttery and warm, especially when his arm tightened around me and he opened his mouth.

I leaned into him and parted my lips. He tasted nice, like mint and ice cream. I pulled back a little, worried that I tasted like my dinner. His brow furrowed.

"You okay?" he asked.

I licked my lips and nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay. Do I taste like chili?"

He smiled. "No. You taste like bananas. I like it." He pulled me close again to kiss me.

I tilted my head and went with it. My whole body started to tingle when he rubbed my back. I liked it a lot. When he leaned over me, I let myself slip back a little. It wasn't until I felt his hand slide around my side to my boobs that I realized how far we had gone. I was almost laying down with Kyle on top of me. I broke the kiss and pushed him back.

He pulled back and smiled at me. "Is this okay?" he asked as he squeezed my boob.

I shook my head and pushed his hand away. "No, Kyle, that's not okay. Get off me." I pushed him again.

His smile fell and he got up. "What?"

I stood up. "No, not 'what'. I'm not . . . I won't do that. That's not okay. I don't want . . ." I stopped and took a deep breath to calm down. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be happy that he wanted that, pissed off that he actually thought he'd get it tonight, or disappointed that I wasn't ready. I felt everything all mixed up together and it was just confusing. I closed my eyes and held up my hands. "I'm not going to have sex with you."

He stood up and took my hands. "Josie, look at me." I opened my eyes to see him smiling softly. "It's okay. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable. I won't do it again."

I nodded. "Thank you. I'm not like Jennifer or Trish. I'm not easy. If that's what you're looking for, you're with the wrong girl."

He shook his head. "That's not what I'm looking for at all. I don't want an easy girl; I just want you. I'm sorry I made you think I thought you were easy. I know you're not."

Yeah, he knew it now. I took my hands back and folded my arms. "You won't just try again next time, will you?"

He pursed his lips. "No, I won't."

I narrowed my eyes. "Do you mean that?"

He sighed and held out his hands. "Josie, I'm sorry, okay? I swear to God it won't happen again. My hands will not go near your boobs again."

I nodded again. "Okay."

We both stood there in silence for a few seconds. It felt like an hour. We looked at the clock; it was ten-thirty-five. Kyle sat down, and I sat beside him without a word. I leaned into him and he put his arm around my shoulders. We sat there for a while with him rubbing my arm and me playing with his shirt. I wasn't really sure what to think of what had happened. Now that I'd had a minute to think about everything, I was only more confused. I didn't know if I wanted to be sad that he'd tried so soon or happy that he'd said he wouldn't try again. I had to wonder if that was the only reason he was with me.

I looked up at him a moment later and kissed his jaw. "Kyle?"

He hummed and looked down at me. "Yeah?"

"Why did you come over tonight? I kind of thought maybe we're dating and all that because you like me, but now I'm confused and I just want to hear you tell me you're not dating me to get sex."

He touched my cheek and kissed my lips softly. "If I were dating you just to get sex, I would have tried that a long time ago. And I would have gotten upset tonight. And I wouldn't still be here. I came here tonight because I wanted to see you. I wasn't planning on doing that, and I really am sorry."

"So you're with me because you like _me_, not just my body, right?"

He smiled. "Right. I like this, too." He tapped my head lightly with his fingertips. "I like that you're not a pushover girl who would say yes just to avoid a conflict."

I snuggled into his side a little more. "I like that you're not the kind of guy to get upset when his girl says no."

"No guy ever should. It's not right."

I smiled. I liked Kyle a lot more now. I kissed his neck. "Thank you."

"You shouldn't thank me; I'm just being decent." He hugged me. "But I should go home; it's almost eleven."

We both got up. I kissed him one more time before he left, then I made sure all the doors were locked and went upstairs to bed.

* * *

The next morning, I did my best to avoid my parents, or at least any discussions of the night before. When Mom asked me how everything went, I told her it was a normal, boring night and that everything was fine. After breakfast, I disappeared upstairs.

It was almost an hour later when Eli came pounding on my door. He was close to tears when I answered it.

"I'm so sorry, Josie. I didn't mean to tell him. I'm really sorry!"

A pit opened up in my stomach. "What?"

His eyes were already watering. "Dad asked how last night was, and I accidentally said that it was scary because of the movie we watched. Then he asked a bunch of questions and I wasn't sure what to say so I finally broke down and told him the truth. He knows Kyle came over. I'm really sorry!" He threw his arms around my waist and hugged me tightly.

I sighed and patted his back. "It's okay, Eli. I'm not mad." Scared as hell to go downstairs to face my dad, yes, but not mad. How could I be? I knew Dad had expert interrogation skills. I probably should have known he'd crack Eli.

He peeked up at me. "You're not mad?"

I shook my head. "Nope. I know how Dad is." I smiled and smoothed his hair down. "Thanks for warning me."

He backed up a few steps. "Thanks for not being angry."

I patted his shoulder and took a deep breath for courage before I went to face my fate. Dad was waiting at the kitchen table. Mom was nowhere in sight. I wondered if she knew or if maybe Dad was waiting to ream me first then tell her so I could get yelled at twice. My stomach was in my toes as I swallowed and sat down.

"Eli said you wanted to talk to me?" My voice was tiny.

He looked at me, and my chest tightened. He looked angry and disappointed. "You know the rules, Josie. Your brother to bed by nine o'clock, no scary movies, and no goddamn visitors. Would you please enlighten me on how many of those rules you broke last night?"

I glanced down at my fingers on the table and mumbled my answer.

"I didn't hear you," Dad said.

I sighed and peeked up at him. "All of them."

"All of them. What the fuck were you thinking? And don't tell me it was that you thought you could get away with it."

I sucked in a deep breath to try to steady my quivering stomach. "What if that was what I was thinking?"

"Then that was a pretty stupid move. Josie, I want to be able to trust you, but I can't if you're going to pull shit like that. And inviting someone you don't know that well into our house with only you and your brother home? Do you just not realize how many ways that could have gone wrong?"

My brow furrowed. "Kyle wouldn't hurt me, Dad."

He sat back. "Oh, right, because he's your boyfriend and that means he's perfect."

My hands tightened on the table. "I didn't say that. I said he wouldn't hurt me. You're acting like I'm dating an axe murderer, Dad. Why don't you just come out and say that you don't like him?"

His jaw clenched a few times before he sucked in a breath and met my eyes. "I don't know him well enough to say I don't like him."

"Then why are you acting like I invited a serial killer over?"

"I'm not! I'm saying you broke the fucking rules and you're really damn lucky we're leaving tonight and your mom won't let me ground you on our trip. You are grounded until we leave."

My jaw dropped. "But what about my friends? I have presents to give them today!"

"You should have thought about that before you ignored what your mother and I told you." He sat back and folded his arms over his chest.

I stood up. "Oh, that is so unfair! It's not like we did anything! Eli was in bed at ten o'clock; that's only an hour past what Mom said. And yeah, there was a scary movie, but I told him to pick something different and he wouldn't. Kyle even tried to tell him to watch some cartoon."

Dad looked up at me. "You're failing to change my mind."

I growled. "Dad, come on! This is ridiculous. After Eli went to bed, nothing happened. Kyle and I sat on the couch and . . . well, we kind of kissed a little, but that was it. He left at eleven, and I went to bed. Why is that so horrible?"

"Because rules were broken, and I don't like the idea of you two being alone together. I don't care where you were, I know what teenage boys want."

I remembered the night before and scoffed. "Yeah, well, he's not getting it no matter how hard he tries." It was so awkward trying to explain this to my dad.

He sat up straight and looked at me with dark eyes. "Did he try?"

Oh shit. "Um . . . Look, Dad, this is awkward enough as it is, don't you think?"

Dad stood up and put his hands on my shoulders. "I don't care how awkward it is, if he touched you I'll kill him."

I pulled back. "You will not. He only tried, but I told him no and he stopped."

Dad's eyes narrowed. "But he did try."

I threw my arms up. "Yes! He tried, okay? He tried and I said no and he stopped and said that was fine. Jesus, Dad, do you really have to turn this into the most embarrassing day of my entire life?"

He sighed and sat back down. "Fine. I won't kill him, but you're still grounded."

I felt like screaming. I wanted to scream and hit things and stomp around and show Dad just how much he pissed me off. Instead, I ran up to my room and slammed the door. I grabbed my phone and began a ranting text to each of my friends who wouldn't get their presents until January thanks to my Dad's overreacting. I paced as I texted and mashed each button as though it would really make me feel any better.

As I had hoped, Jennifer and Kaitlyn texted me back sympathizing with my situation. Lily just said it sucked and she'd miss me. Kyle apologized. I rolled my eyes and told him to stop being sorry before I smacked him. It wasn't his fault. It was my dad and his irrational fear of his daughter ever losing her virginity. Dammit, it wasn't like I had any intention whatsoever of that happening any time soon. But Dad didn't want to hear that. He'd probably be happy to lock me up in a tower somewhere to keep me away from anyone with a penis. Jerk.

I smiled as I imagined that scenario. I was the princess locked in a tower and Kyle was the guy who came to rescue me. It was maybe a little melodramatic, but it made me laugh to imagine the look on Dad's face when he came in to check on me and found an empty room.

I spent the whole day in my room. I left only to pee and eat, and even then I glared at Dad any time I saw him. I really was not looking forward to getting in the car and spending twelve freaking hours driving to Utah then another twelve Sunday night to Phoenix. At least I could sleep in the car and listen to music when I was awake.

Mom came up at five o'clock to get me.

"So you know what happened?" I asked bitterly.

She smiled. "Yeah, I know. I'm not happy about it either, but I figured you really only needed one of us yelling at you about it. Your dad's better at that than I am."

"Oh, I don't know, Mom. You can be pretty scary too."

She laughed. "Thanks. It's time to get going, honey."

Together we carried all mine and Eli's luggage out to the car. We were always lucky we had enough room. It took us a while, but we finally managed to get everything shoved somewhere. It was good and dark when we locked up the house and pulled out of the driveway at six-thirty. I looked over at Eli who was happily munching on some beef jerky and had already put his headphones in. I smiled to myself and put mine in.

Phoenix, Arizona, here we come.

* * *

A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Just random FYI, the movie Eli talks about is _The Manitou_. The movie they end up watching is _The Ghost of Mae Nak_. It's kinda like the Korean version of _The Grudge_ but with more gore and less scariness.


	11. Feliz Navidad

A/N: As promised, here is more Josh. Among other people :) There's even more of him in the next chapter.

Thanks so much to ReneeFF and WolfGirl1335 for pre-reading. You girls are the bestest ever!

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and all that (a little early, but oh well) to all of you wonderful readers! Enjoy the chapter!

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Eleven

Feliz Navidad

_I wanna wish you a merry Christmas  
__From the bottom of my heart._

-Feliz Navidad – Jose Feliciano

* * *

_**Josie**_

I was glad I slept a little bit on the way through Utah, because once we hit Arizona, I was wide awake. I was excited to see the snow that had covered Utah hadn't stuck here.

Mom took a turn driving after the sixth hour. Dad was asleep in the passenger seat and Eli was passed out with his earphones in. I kept counting down the minutes until we finally reached Aunt Leah and Uncle Sam's house.

I got out of the car and all but attacked Hannah who had run out to meet me. She hit me so hard the wind was knocked out of me, but I didn't care. I wrapped my arms around her and held on tight as we jumped and screamed and maybe even cried a little.

"Oh, my God, I missed you so much!" she cried.

I nodded and just held her tighter. I didn't realize until we pulled apart that Josh, Aunt Leah, and Uncle Sam had come out, too. Uncle Sam was using his hand to measure Eli, probably saying he'd grown since the last time we were here. Dad was hugging Aunt Leah and Mom was being crushed by Josh. I smiled to myself and moved around Hannah to say hi to everyone else. I got to Uncle Sam first. He hugged me and gave me the same spiel about being taller.

Aunt Leah pounced when Uncle Sam was done with me. She had to touch my hair, saying it was longer and a little darker. She hugged me tightly and asked me about Kyle. I wasn't really sure what to say, especially with Dad standing right there and me maybe still feeling a little bitter, so I settled with a brief, "He's okay" before I could get away.

Then came Josh. He pulled me into his arms like he'd done a million times and squeezed me hard. I smiled and hugged him back.

"Hey, Trouble. I missed you."

I leaned back, curving my back at an odd angle to see him. "I'm sure you did. Could you get any taller? Jeez."

He laughed and stood on his toes like he did every time I asked that question. "Yes, I can. And I really did miss you." He stood back down on his feet. "How's life in Seattle?"

I shrugged and took a step back. "It's life."

"Yeah? I hear you got yourself a boyfriend." He lightly punched my shoulder. "Good job."

I snorted and walked in the house with everyone else. "Shut up."

Even though we'd all had some sleep on the road, we were all still tired. The guest rooms had already been set up for us. Mom and Dad got the actual guest room while I was rooming with Hannah and Eli was with Josh in his old room. He and his friends had been roommates in town somewhere for a while. It was only supposed to last until he could find his own place, but he'd been there for a little over a year. He came to stay with his parents for the holidays.

We crashed and woke up again somewhere around three o'clock.

I spent the rest of the day with Hannah. Since she was cooler than me with her driver's license, she drove us to the mall where I spent half my allowance getting some last-minute Christmas gifts. I got a few little souvenirs for my friends back in Washington as well.

"So tell me about this Kyle dude," she said as we browsed another shop.

I shrugged. "He's cute. He's nice." I picked out a shirt and looked it over. I showed Hannah and grimaced. She laughed. "He might die when we get back to Seattle."

Her eyes widened. "What did he do?"

I huffed and put the hideous shirt back. "He didn't do anything. Not really bad, anyway. He came over Friday night—which really shouldn't have been that big of a deal, but apparently it was since Mom and Dad were gone and I was supposed to watch Eli. But I did watch Eli, and I fed him and made sure he went to bed before sunrise." I sighed in frustration and started looking through jewelry as I continued talking. Hannah looked with me, nodding her head to tell me she was still paying attention. "But that wasn't enough for Dad; I broke a few rules, had my boyfriend over, and so Dad threatened to kill him."

She smirked. "That's what dads do, isn't it? Threaten bodily harm to anyone who so much as touches a hair of their precious daughter's head? Did you guys . . . y'know . . . do anything?"

"No." I grimaced. "Well, okay, we made out, and Kyle . . ." I looked around to make sure no one was listening in. "He touched me. It wasn't that big of a deal, and when I told him to stop he did. But Dad's acting like the guy broke into the house and raped me."

Hannah sighed and shook her head. "Why are the guys in our family such over-reactors? I had this boyfriend once, Kevin. We were getting pretty serious one night, and he kept trying to stick his hand up my skirt, right? I pushed him away and told him like three times that I didn't want to go too far before he pushed me down and actually tried to . . . well, he tried. I kicked him in the balls and punched him. He ended up running away crying. So nothing happened."

I swore to myself that if I ever met this Kevin dude he would pay dearly for trying to hurt my Hannah.

"That was like a month ago, though. When Dad found out, he called the boy's parents and there was this great big deal made out of it. When Josh found out . . . well, let's just say he showed up one at school one day with a black eye and wouldn't talk to me for a week. He said he got jumped in the alley, but I think we both know that's not true."

I nodded. "I don't think either of us will ever get married. All our boyfriends will be scared away one way or another."

She laughed and nodded. "That's so true."

When we got back to the house, Mom and Aunt Leah were already cooking for Tuesday and Wednesday. Hannah and I disappeared into her room to wrap what needed to be wrapped and talk some more about our lives. We talked about friends and how some were better than others and a little more about our boyfriends. She gushed about her latest boy toy, Travis. Travis was a tall football player with brown hair and green eyes who liked to buy her roses.

I wasn't tired Monday night after dinner. Josh and Eli went to play video games in his room while Dad and Uncle Sam were talking about something. Mom, Aunt Leah, Hannah and I sat on the couch to talk like we used to do so many times in the past.

Mom and Aunt Leah sat on either ends of the couch while Hannah and I crammed ourselves in between them. I leaned against Mom with her arm around me while Hannah leaned against her mom. It had started as a discussion about school and classes and terms and had somehow gone from that to clothes to makeup to jewelry to dating to boyfriends.

I was a little uncomfortable as I talked about Kyle. I wasn't sure why; it wasn't like I didn't share every intimate detail of my life with these girls anyway. And yet I found that I didn't want to say how I felt when he kissed me or how happy it made me when he held my hand. I did anyway, and I frowned when Mom and Aunt Leah laughed.

"Don't laugh at me." I pouted.

Mom hugged me. "We're not laughing at you, honey. I'm laughing because I remember feeling that way with your dad. It's an exciting time, having your first boyfriend."

Aunt Leah stretched out a leg and put her foot on the coffee table. "Me, I had to wait several years. My first boyfriend was a pain in the ass and I never felt the gushy, lovey crap. It was my . . . fifth boyfriend that I felt that with. His name was Carl." She sighed dramatically. "Oh, he was a handsome boy."

Hannah scrunched her nose. "So my dad's name was almost Carl?"

Leah laughed. "Hell no. I was only seventeen at that time. I'm pretty sure I only felt those things because he was good in bed."

I felt my cheeks flame. This was usual talk for Aunt Leah; she'd censored herself less and less as Hannah and I got older. I figured I was only embarrassed because of Friday.

"That's gross, Mom."

"It's the truth. Then there were others and even more came after that, then finally, your dad came along. He was something else, I'll tell you that. He was like this lost little puppy; he looked so sad. I figured I could cheer him up, so we went home and—"

"Whoa, Mom," Hannah sat up and held up her hand. "I do not need to hear details about you and Dad."

Leah chuckled. "I was just going to say we went home and started the best thing to ever happen to me."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's all you were going to say," Hannah mumbled.

"I felt all that lovey-dovey crap with him. Every last bit of it. I still do, when he's being nice." Leah smiled. If there was a couple more prone to fighting than my parents, it was my Aunt Leah and Uncle Sam. But it was so obvious they were still crazy about each other, and they'd been married two years more than Mom and Dad had.

Mom sighed. "I feel it with Jake, too. He still knows how to make me swoon."

"I want a relationship like yours and Uncle Jake's," Hannah said. "The first guy I get serious with I want to be the one I spend my life with." Hannah was not an easy girl no matter what her dating habits were. She might go through boys like tissue paper, but she never went past second base with any of them. I admired her for it.

"I got lucky, Hannah," Mom said. "I got really lucky. We both had to fight pretty hard for what we wanted, too. It certainly wasn't a walk in the park."

"But it all paid off in the end," I added.

Mom kissed my head. "It most certainly did."

"Can I ask you guys something?" I heard myself ask a moment later. Mom and Leah nodded. I wasn't even sure I wanted the answer to my question, but I really was curious. All the talk about it at school had me wondering. "What's sex like?"

Mom cleared her throat and looked at Aunt Leah. Leah looked a little shocked, too, but more like she'd already had to answer that and wasn't sure if she was allowed to tell me what she'd told Hannah. Hannah was smiling at me. She reached out and took my hand. A couple seconds of silence passed before Leah sucked in a breath.

"Well, that depends, honey. I mean, I don't want to lie and tell you it's the worst thing you could possibly imagine, because it's not. But it's also not worth exploring at your age."

I shook my head. "Oh, no. I was just curious. Some of my friends have been talking about it. I know some who have done that. Some of them say it hurts and others say it doesn't."

Mom nodded. "It can, sometimes. My first time was horrible."

I cringed because I knew who her first time was with and I really didn't want to hear about my mom and dad like that. But I'd asked and it wasn't like I could expect them to talk about someone else's experiences. "But you still did it again."

"Well, yes, but because I love your dad. I don't think it would be worth doing anything with someone if you didn't love them." She glanced at Leah.

Aunt Leah smirked. "I experimented a lot, I'll be honest. I can't recall it ever hurting. It can be uncomfortable sometimes and maybe even a little sore afterward. I think it depends on a lot of different things, both physical and emotional. Remember that regret can be a bitch, too."

I was a little confused. "So it hurt for Mom but not for you?"

Mom nodded. "Yeah. I'm smaller than Leah, and there are plenty of other reasons. Physically, it pretty much comes down to how the two of you are built."

I had a feeling we were headed into territory I didn't want or need to know about. Thankfully Hannah chimed in before Mom could continue.

"All you really need to know is that it might hurt your first time, it should feel good eventually, and it better not happen until you're older and with someone you love and trust more than anyone else in the world."

Leah smiled proudly. "I told her that."

Mom laughed. "That's good advice." She tugged a strand of my hair. "So listen to your cousin and your aunt."

I smiled. "I know how wise they are."

"Speaking of wisdom," Leah said. "It's one o'clock in the morning. We should go to bed if we want to have fun tomorrow."

I still wasn't that tired, but I got up and went to change with Hannah. After a round of goodnights and hugs, we turned in. My bed was a mattress laid out in Hannah's room, on the opposite wall from her bed. I dragged it over so it was right next to her bed. We laid awake for a while longer still talking about random shit before she fell asleep. She always fell asleep before me. I smiled and turned on my side, snuggling deeper under the covers, and closed my eyes.

* * *

I woke up the next morning to the smell of bacon and pancakes. My nose led the way to the kitchen where I saw Josh standing in front of the stove making breakfast.

"Look at you being all Suzy Homemaker," I said as I grabbed a plate.

He snorted. "Shut up. I can still spit in yours."

"I'll make _you_ eat it if you do."

"My knees are quivering."

I held out my plate expectantly and waited for him to drop a fresh pancake on it. He smiled at me when he did.

"Nice hair, by the way. The bride of Frankenstein would be envious."

I stuck my tongue out at him and went to sit with Dad and Aunt Leah at the table; they were the only other two awake. It didn't take long for Mom, Eli, and Hannah to get up. Uncle Sam got up close to an hour later.

I spent the day with Hannah again. We drove around the neighborhood and met up with some of my old friends who didn't have other plans that day. Kaylie and I jumped around and talked wildly about high school.

We had been instructed to be home by dark, so we got back at around six o'clock. We ate dinner, then we all gathered in the living room to open our Christmas Eve present. One a piece was the rule. I stared at the presents under the tree and wondered which ones were mine.

I watched with a smile on my face as Eli opened his present. I could hardly believe Mom and Dad had broken down and bought the little shit a cell phone. There were strict rules, they said, and the service would be shut down while he was in school. I smirked. Mine wasn't.

I was beyond thrilled to find that they'd gotten me a new phone, too. My current one was a crappy hand-me-down that used to be Mom's a billion years ago. The new one was something I'd had my eye on for a while. I was disappointed to find out that I'd have data service cut off while I was in school; apparently my parents didn't trust me to not play games or surf the Internet in class.

Hannah loved her new stilettos and spent a half an hour practicing to walk in them. Josh had opened the emergency bow tie I got for him. Mom and Aunt Leah were given jewelry while Uncle Sam and Dad both got a pen set that was supposedly really nice. It sounded boring to me.

I spent the rest of the night transferring all of my contacts to my new phone and texting everyone on it just because I could. Kyle said he was having fun with his family and that he missed me. I smiled and texted him a kissy face.

Even though we all knew Santa wasn't real, Hannah, Eli, and I were still eager to get to bed so Christmas morning would come faster. I could tell Josh wasn't really looking forward to spending the next few hours putting shit together, but he was the one who had volunteered.

Christmas morning was an exceptionally happy time, just like every year. When Hannah and I got up at five o'clock, we peeked into Josh's room to get Eli then crept to the living room to check everything out. There were some things that stayed the same no matter how many years passed. Since I could remember, both Hannah and I always got a new dress on Christmas morning. We would always wear our new dresses to see _The Nutcracker_ the day after Christmas. We both gasped when we saw what was waiting for us.

Eli went right over to some kind of art easel while Hannah and I found our dresses. Mine was a gorgeous black thing with silver beads on the shoulder straps and around the bust. Hannah's was light blue with a halter top and sequins on the bodice. The skirt was long and layered.

Eli, Hannah and I went through the mass of new presents under the tree to determine which one belonged to whom.

"Do we really have to wait until everyone gets up to open them?" Eli asked.

I gave him a look. "Do you really have to ask?"

He smiled at me. "You know you want to, too."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean we will."

Hannah stood up quickly. "Guys, I heard something. Someone's coming."

We all scrambled to make it look like we hadn't touched anything. Josh laughed when he came in, and we all breathed a sigh of relief.

"I should tell you guys to go back to bed, but I won't. You still can't open anything till the grown-ups get up."

Eli whined. "But you're a grown-up."

"It's true," I said. "You _are_ twenty-one."

He smirked tiredly. "Yeah, but I'm not a parent. You gotta wait for the suckers with kids." He yawned and went into the kitchen. Hannah and I sighed and looked at each other. She nodded like she knew exactly what I was thinking. We got up and I gestured for Eli to come with us to the kitchen. We made a cup of coffee for us with Josh, and I made some hot chocolate for Eli.

"Isn't your mom anti-coffee?" Josh asked me.

I shook my head and took a drink. I grimaced and turned to add more sugar. "No, she's just anti-bitter, nasty-ass drinks."

We all went to the table to sip on our drinks and talk about shit.

It seemed like forever before Mom came in the room. She smiled and hugged Eli. "Merry Christmas, guys. You've been awake long?"

I looked over at the clock. "Almost three hours."

She nodded and looked into the living room. "Your patience always amazes me. Thanks for waiting." She kissed Eli's head and started back down the hall. "I'll go get the others up and we can start."

"Yay!" Eli cheered. He bounced in his chair with a huge smile on his face.

Soon everyone was up and sitting around the living room. Hannah and I finally got to hold up our dresses to see if they'd fit. Just like every other year, they looked perfect. They were both long enough to reach the floor. We went through stockings and opened presents. Eli was happy to hand things out to everyone. Hannah liked the belly button ring I'd gotten for her. It was a banana-style ring with a hematite skull. I'd gotten Aunt Leah and Uncle Sam the same thing as I got my dad: A _Pets with Tourette's_ book. Once I saw the pictures of adorable animals and their captions saying the most offensive swear words, it was a must-have. Dad and I had coordinated on Mom's present; I got her oval-shaped dangly earrings with turquoise stones on them, and he got her a matching bracelet. Eli was beyond thrilled with all the artsy stuff he got from everyone. Josh got some stuff he needed for his place with his roommates.

As for me, I ended up with a bunch of new eyeliner from Eli since he'd broken a lot of mine trying to draw with it, a new makeup kit, some really nice dangly earrings from Hannah with stars and lightning bolts on them, and a checklist book called _You Are Good at Things_ from Josh. I flipped through it and laughed at all the shit I could check off.

After presents were done, Eli and Josh disappeared to play more video games. Mom, Dad, Aunt Leah, and Uncle Sam sat around the tree still talking. Hannah and I went into the bathroom to play with our new makeup. We'd go see Grandma Sue and Grandpa Harry, Uncle Seth and Aunt Paige, Grandpa Edward's grave along with Grandma Isabella, Grandma Sarah, and Grandpa Billy's graves, and other family in a few hours, but for now we could play.

"When was the last time you tweezed your eyebrows?" she asked me.

"Sometime last year, I think," I joked.

She held up the teasers and gave me an evil grin. I shrieked and tried to run away, but she caught me and held me down while she gave me her brand of makeover. When she was done, I got an idea.

"Now that my eyebrows are perfect, I get to paint your nails."

She smiled. "Okay."

This was where I'd get her. "But I get to pick the color, and you can't veto. You can't change it or pick it off until tomorrow either."

She gave me a suspicious look. "What's the color?"

I got into my bag and pulled out the Barbie pink nail polish Jennifer had given to me and held it up. "It even sparkles."

If looks could kill, I'd be a goner. I laughed at the evil in her eyes. "But I hate pink!" she cried.

"And I hate doing anything to my eyebrows. Come on. It's only fair."

She grumbled and let me. "My hands are going to stay in my pockets for the rest of the day."

I grinned. "Good luck eating."

When I was all done, she held up her hands and sighed dramatically. "This is so unfair. I can't believe you're subjecting me to _pink_. I thought you loved me." She pouted at me.

I stood up and patted her shoulder. "At least it's only until tomorrow. That color won't go with your dress, so you can change it after noon tomorrow."

"You can bet your ass I will." She continued to grumble for a while. She seemed to cheer up a little when we got back to our makeup. She let me do her eyes and she did mine. We ended up looking like whores, but that was okay for now. We made sure to take extra pictures on both our cameras so we'd have them to look at after I went back to Seattle.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! The next chapter is all written and ready to go. I'll post it next week.


	12. 93 Million Miles

A/N: So excited for this chapter!

Thanks so much to my wonderful, amazing, fantastic pre-readers, ReneeFF and WolfGirl1335.

I had a hell of a time deciding on the song for this chapter. This one at least fits a little bit. Besides, it's Jason Mraz, so who cares, right?

Enjoy!

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Twelve

93 Million Miles

_Every road is a slippery slope  
There is always a hand that you can hold on to.  
Looking deeper through the telescope  
You can see that your home's inside of you._

-93 Million Miles – Jason Mraz

* * *

_**Josie**_

The day after Christmas was always just as fun as Christmas. Throughout most of the day I played with my phone, talked to Hannah, bugged Josh just because I could, and tried to give myself a food coma several times.

At four o'clock, it was time to get ready for our family tradition of seeing The Nutcracker ballet. Hannah and I helped each other with our dresses, hair, and makeup. I pulled my hair up in an elegant updo with a few spirals hanging down around my face. Hannah opted for a more casual look with half her hair pulled up and braided into a bun. We gushed over how gorgeous we both were before we finally left the bathroom.

Mom and Aunt Leah had been getting ready together while Hannah and I were. Leah was dressed in a dark burgundy, v-neck dress that seemed to button together dangerously low. It had a slit up one side that almost reached her hip. Mom was much more modest in a tight, green dress with a swooping neckline. Hers ended at her knees. Mom's hair had been pulled up into a bun while Aunt Leah left hers down.

We all admired each other for a moment before the men came out. I smiled at Eli dressed in a nice suit like all the other guys. He was wearing a cute little tie and had his hair parted and combed like Dad's. The husbands kissed the wives and told them how beautiful they were. I kind of wished Kyle was there to tell me I was, too.

"You look really nice," Josh said. He put his hand on my back. "I like that color on you, Josie."

I glanced down at my dress then smirked up at him. I tried not to notice how incredibly handsome he was. Every year, it never failed to surprise me how well he could clean up. I wasn't even sure why it surprised me, because I always knew he was a good-looking guy. He looked so much like Uncle Sam with his dark hair and brown eyes, but there was something about him in a suit with his hair combed back that made him look so James Bond-ish. I would be lying out my ass if I said he wasn't a little bit sexy, but then I felt wrong because he was my cousin.

"Black isn't a color," I mumbled.

"Oh, right; it's the absence of color. So from now on, I'll just call you Josephine Marie Absence-Of-Color."

I rolled my eyes. "You'll do no such thing, because these heels can do serious damage if you call me 'Josephine' one more time."

He laughed and patted my shoulder. When it was time to leave, Josh took my hand and wrapped it around his arm to help me keep my balance as we walked. Hannah held his other arm.

We went to a fancy restaurant for dinner where I had the most delicious filet mignon I'd ever eaten in my life. We tried to visit a new restaurant every year, but every year I always managed to find a great big slice of New York cheesecake for dessert.

The show was great just like it was every year. It never once got old to hear the music or watch the amazing dancers. Once upon a time, I'd wanted to be on that stage. I remembered asking my parents for dancing lessons when I was ten years old. As it turned out, I had zero rhythm and was a terrible dancer. But at least I'd tried, Mom said. She was right; it was better to know than to wonder if I could have ever been the next Clara.

It was late when we got back to the house. I was so tired. We all got changed and cleaned up, then we hit they hay.

I woke up sometime Thursday night and got up to go to the bathroom. I got a drink and went back to bed, but I couldn't sleep. I laid in bed for a long while tossing and turning before I gave up. I got up again and was a little surprised to find it was two o'clock in the morning. I walked outside to the patio and found Josh sitting there with a cup of coffee in his hand resting on the glass table. I was glad to see him; I really didn't want to sit out here alone with my thoughts in the chilly morning air. I sat down in the empty seat and sighed.

"What are you doing up so early?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. You?"

He took a drink before he answered me. "Couldn't sleep."

My brow furrowed. "At all?"

He shook his head. "At all."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, it does."

We were quiet for a few minutes. I looked out over the lawn. As dark as it was, the dewy grass still managed to shimmer in the moonlight. It was pretty. Pretty and constant and overall not that thrilling.

"I'm bored. Entertain me."

He snorted. "I'm not your court jester."

"No, but you are my personal storyteller. Tell me a story." I remembered the times I would stay with them when I was young and my parents needed alone time. I'd play all day with Hannah, then she'd crash at bedtime and I'd lay awake unable to sleep. I would usually find him in the living room or the kitchen, and he'd tell me stories. They were usually true stories about what he did with his friends.

He sighed. "Once upon a time, there was an irritated Josh who strangled the pretty princess. The end."

I stared at him for a second. He didn't look at me; he just stared into his coffee. I realized then that he was tense. His shoulders were rigid and his eyebrows furrowed. I hadn't noticed it when I first came out. That was probably because I paid no attention to him other than the fact that he sat there. I looked down at my lap. I couldn't remember a time when Josh was too upset to talk to me. Not even when one of his best friends, Matthew, moved away to New York with his parents. Not even when one of his girlfriends dumped him for a girl. He'd always just been there whenever I needed him.

Obviously things were different now. I felt bad for interrupting his quiet time. I cleared my throat and stood up.

"I'm sorry, Josh. I'll, um . . . I'll go back—"

"No, sit back down. It's okay."

I didn't sit back down, but I didn't leave either. "I didn't mean to bother you."

He looked up at me and smiled. It seemed a little exaggerated. "You didn't bother me." He reached out and grabbed my hand to pull me back down. I sat that time. "I guess I'm just not in the best of moods. But stay; you know you always cheer me up."

I tried to smile. Something seemed way off. This wasn't the Josh I was used to. "Is everything okay?"

He nodded and took another sip of his coffee. "Yeah, everything's fine. What kind of story should I tell you?"

I pursed my lips. I wondered what could possibly make him act that way. That was when it hit me. The last time I'd seen him act depressed like this was when he had a big fight with one of his girlfriends. "Tell me about your girlfriend," I said. That ought to get him talking.

"Don't have one."

"What?"

He smirked. "Is all that humidity in Seattle taking a toll on your hearing?" he asked jokingly. "I said I don't have one."

"Yeah, but you always have a girlfriend. Did you recently separate from one?" Maybe that was why he was down.

He shook his head. "Nope; I've been unattached for seven months."

Well shit. "Why the hell have you been single for that long, Josh? I mean, if you want to be, then whatever, but there are girls all over the place that would die to hang on your arm." Not only did he have the height, he had the looks and the brains and the common sense.

He smiled and looked down for a minute. "I guess I don't want to date around anymore."

I raised an eyebrow. "Then don't. Date in a straight line."

He chuckled. "Shut up. I mean I don't want to be with a random girl."

I pursed my lips. "Just one girl?" I asked, not sure I was on the right track.

He didn't say anything for a second. His fingers rubbed the side of his coffee mug for a minute before he spoke. "Just one girl," he confirmed.

Ohh. I was beginning to understand. "And this one girl doesn't want you?"

He met my eyes for a long moment before he shook his head. "No, she doesn't."

That made a whole lot more sense. I reached out and touched his arm. "Can I ask about her, or will you get grouchy again?"

He shrugged. "Ask all you want."

Awesome. "Have you known her for a long time?"

"Yeah, a few years."

"Do I know her?"

"You might have met her a few times."

"Is she pretty?"

He looked at me again when he answered. "The prettiest. I didn't notice it for a long time. Well, I always knew she was pretty, but it was more of a friend pretty. Then one day I saw her and thought, 'Holy shit, she's gorgeous.'"

That sounded so sweet. "Is she nice?"

"Yeah, she is, but not too nice. She knows who she is and what she wants. She has a little bit of a temper, but I think it's cute when she gets mad."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Why doesn't she want to be with you? Doesn't that make her kinda crazy? Does she know you like her?"

He smiled tightly again. "It's complicated, Josie. See, she lives a ways away, so it'd be a little difficult to see her very often. She doesn't know I like her, and I won't tell her because she has a boyfriend right now."

I scowled. "That sucks. Do you know the boyfriend? Maybe you could scare him away."

He laughed. "That might be fun. But, no, I don't know him. I wouldn't do that to her anyway; I hear she really likes him."

I nodded. Josh was a great big teddy bear. He wouldn't hurt a fly. He really cared for people, too. He always wanted the best for everyone around him. I always thought that was one of his best qualities.

"So tell me about your boyfriend," he said. "Kyle, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I don't know, Josh. I never actually thought I'd like having a boyfriend. It's still a little strange, I think." I looked down at the table and felt kind of bad for saying that out loud.

Josh reached over and patted my shoulder. "It's always strange, Josie. Do you at least like him?"

I could feel my cheeks heat up as I nodded. "Yeah, I do. He's really nice. And smart. And funny. I don't know, I feel kind of . . ." I paused for a moment, trying to pick out the right word. "I feel like the move to Seattle makes a little more sense, you know?"

He smiled a small, lopsided smile and nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean. You feel like you belong there because you're with him?"

It sounded so incredibly dramatic. It really wasn't that life-changing. It was just a subtle thing, but all the same I agreed with the way Josh had said it. "Yeah. I sound so lovestruck, don't I?"

He smirked. "That's okay. You're young and have your first boyfriend; you're allowed to sound lovestruck."

"Good to know."

We both fell silent again. While he sat there, probably thinking about the mysterious girl with the head trauma that kept her from seeing how great he was, I looked out across the grass and thought about Friday night. I was still confused about all of it, and I wasn't really sure that was a good sign. I wanted it to be.

"Can I ask you something?"

Josh looked over at me and nodded. "You know you can."

I licked my lips and sat up straighter. "It's kind of embarrassing."

He smirked and reached over to take my hand on the table. "I've been telling you embarrassing stories about myself for fifteen years. I think you should know you can trust me with your awkward shit, too."

He was right. I took a deep breath. "Well, I was curious . . . Kyle came over Friday night while Mom and Dad were at the hotel for their anniversary. After Eli went to bed, we . . . Um . . ."

Josh cleared his throat and shifted in his seat like he was uncomfortable. "You what?"

There was that tenseness again. I looked over at him to see his face had turned to stone. His eyes were dark and angry. Maybe telling him this wasn't the best decision. "Never mind."

He sighed and shook his head. "No, Josie, what did he do?"

I rolled my eyes. "You're just like Dad. You instantly assume that he did something terrible. He kind of touched me but I pushed him away and he said okay."

"He touched you?" His voice was a mix of shock and anger, and I hated it.

"Dammit, Josh, don't be like Dad, please? Don't give me that disgusted look like I'm a horrible person for letting him get that close. Nothing happened."

I was surprised by how quickly Josh got off his chair and knelt down by mine. "Josie, listen to me. You're not a horrible person. You're not. But you're only fifteen years old, and if that's not too young for him then he's . . ." He stopped and looked down at his hand on the arm rest for a second. His jaw clenched and unclenched three times before he stood up. "Just be careful, okay?" He got his coffee cup before he went back into the house.

I stared at the table for a second as I tried to decipher what he'd said. I was fifteen, but Kyle was only a few months older than me. Why was it so horrible if we were practically the same age? And it wasn't like he tried to convince me or anything. Neither Josh nor Dad could tell me they never once came onto a girl or at least wanted to in the first few weeks of a relationship. I wasn't stupid; I knew what couples did.

And if Kyle was so terrible for trying, then wasn't I just as terrible for letting him? I was the one who had let him come over, and I was the one who let us kiss the way we did.

I hated the way Josh was acting. I didn't like seeing him upset at all, but somehow it seemed directed at me. At least that last part. I also hated how strained things still were between my dad and me. If this was growing up, I wanted it to stop. I didn't want to drive wedges between two of the most important men in my life just because I was going to someday have sex with someone. It was a part of life, and I knew that.

I took a deep breath and looked up toward the sky. It was still dark. I wished I could be back in Seattle now where I could sit with my friends and not be judged by my family because I had a boyfriend.

My chest felt heavy and my whole body ached from emotional exhaustion. I went back inside and crept back into my temporary bed. I closed my eyes and wished for sleep.

* * *

Friday was a weird day. Josh seemed to avoid me at all costs. I noticed Aunt Leah giving me weird looks. It took me a few strange conversations with Dad to realize that the strain was coming from me. He didn't seem upset or bothered or hesitant at all, but I did. I didn't want to just forget about how he'd reacted. Maybe I should have.

Hannah had some plans with Travis for the day, so I was stuck with people who seemed to be watching me out of the corners of their eyes.

It was sometime around two o'clock, just after lunch, that I found Dad alone at the kitchen table. I stood in the doorway and looked at his back for a moment, trying to decide if I was really brave enough to talk to him. On one hand, I wanted to tell him how I felt so I could let it go and move on. On the other hand, I didn't want to reopen the whole situation and make him upset again.

"Josie, you can stop dancing around and come sit down if you want," he said.

Dammit. I could just walk away, but what would that resolve? I sighed and went to sit beside him. He was fidgeting with Mom's watch. He smiled at me and gestured to what he was doing.

"Your mom's watch stopped working, so I'm trying to see if I can fix it."

Ever the handyman. "Have you figured out why it stopped yet?"

He shook his head. "Nope. I'm pretty sure it's not the battery this time."

I nodded and watched him for a second. He sighed in frustration and swore at it a few times. I tried not to laugh.

"Isn't that why normal people take broken watches to a jeweler?"

He gave me a look. "I've fixed this watch every single time it's had a problem in the last ten years. I'm not taking it to a damn jeweler."

"Maybe it's really dead this time?"

"Franken-watch will live."

I laughed quietly and relished in the easy calm that settle around the room. Dad was frustrated with the watch, but that had nothing to do with me. It felt nice to be around him like this again.

"Dad?"

He looked at me. "What's up?"

I cleared my throat and looked at the table for a second. Dad put the watch down and waited for me to say what I needed to say. Finally I sighed and spit it out.

"Am I still grounded when we go home?"

He shook his head. "No. I thought about it, but I don't think you should be." He leaned a little closer to me. "I kind of wanted to talk to you about this, but we've all been so busy. I want you to know that I'm not upset about it anymore, and I hope you're not either."

I clenched my jaw with a rush of sour tightness in my chest. "Actually, I kind of am." I didn't really want to be, but I was. "I get that I broke the rules and whatever, but I think this has more to do with what happened between me and Kyle than it does with me letting Eli stay up an hour later and watch a scary movie."

"You're right. But I'm not going to fight with you about it anymore." He reached out and put his hand over mine. "I love you, Josie. You know I just don't want to see you get hurt."

I nodded. "I know, Dad." If I thought about it, I really couldn't expect him to be excited about the possible physical relationship between me and my boyfriend. I turned my hand over to hold his. "Truce?"

He smirked. "Sort of. There are going to be some new rules concerning you and your boyfriend."

I cringed. "Like what?"

"Like you two can't be anywhere unsupervised."

"What, like I have to have a parent there with me whenever I'm with him?" I asked incredulously.

Dad smiled and shook his head. "No. You think either your mom or I would follow you around school? I mean if you have a date or you're studying together or whatever, someone else has to be with you. Whether it's me or your mom or his parents or someone else older than eighteen."

I guessed that was probably fair. "What else?"

"Your curfew for dates has been reduced to ten o'clock instead of eleven."

Ugh. Stupid. I saw no point in arguing on that unless I wanted him to change it to nine instead. "Anything else?"

"Yes, there is one more thing. I wanted to tell you that I'm proud of you for not allowing him to touch you. I know, you don't want to talk to your dad about this shit, and honestly, I don't want to hear it. But I'm still proud of you."

I stood up and hugged him. "Thanks, Dad."

He kissed the side of my head. "Yeah. So are you going to help me with this watch?"

I backed up. "I'll break it even worse. I'm going to go see what other games are on my phone. Good luck." I patted his shoulder and went back to Hannah's room to get my phone.

The next few days were full of more visiting friends and talking and catching up. I was really happy to have been able to let go of all that anger toward Dad, but now Josh was pissing me off. He still wasn't my Josh.

Sunday night after dinner, I challenged him to a video game. I wanted things to go back to normal. No more hiding, no more weird glances, and no more tenseness. Just me and Josh being me and Josh. He smiled his trademark lopsided grin and told me to pick whatever I wanted.

I chose a Mario game and got it started. I won the first two games before I realized that he was letting me win.

"Oh, come on; you're not even trying."

He sighed and put down his paddle. Aw, crap. I didn't want to do this. No more heavy talks about shit that would only piss one or the other of us off.

"Josie, can we talk for a minute?"

Goddammit. I sighed and pushed the button to stop the game. I dropped my paddle as well and looked over at him. "What?"

"I'm sorry. About the other night out on the patio."

I furrowed my brow. "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about. You tried to ask me something and I didn't listen to you. I did a shitty job of letting you know you can trust me with that kind of shit. So I'm sorry."

I looked him over for a minute. He seemed so vulnerable, and I wasn't sure why. It had to be the look in his eyes. It was that look like he was afraid I wasn't going to forgive him. I smiled and reached out to take his hand. "It's okay."

"Are you sure? I just . . . I got upset. You know I care about you, Josie, and the thought of someone taking advantage of you like that really pisses me off. I know you can take care of yourself, but nobody should be making advances like that after you've only been dating a few weeks. Not at your age."

"Is it really that horrible, though? I mean, there are more of my friends who have had sex than ones who haven't. Besides, he stopped when I asked him to. Doesn't that count for anything?" I thought it should.

He sighed. "Yeah, it does. It counts for a lot, but I don't think it should make everything okay. Maybe I just care too much, I don't know. But I don't like him."

I rubbed his hand with my thumb. "You haven't even met him. Unless you come to Seattle, you're not likely to, either. Can't you just take my word for it that he's a nice guy? I really do like him."

He turned his hand over to hold mine. He stared at our fingers for a moment before he looked up at me. "I'll try."

I moved forward to hug him. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me in tightly. "Thank you for caring about me, Josh."

He kissed my head. "I love you, Josie. I always have; you know that."

I smiled. "Yeah, I know." I squeezed him tightly before I pulled back. "Now can we play or is this going to keep being weird between us?"

He smirked. "We can play. This time I'm going to kick your ass."

* * *

_I wish I could be there to kiss you._

I smiled at the text from Kyle. It was New Year's Eve, going on ten o'clock. Two more hours until midnight. I had come inside to plug my phone in when he texted me.

_I wish you could, too, but you can't. You won't kiss anyone else, will you?_

_Like I would even want to. My aunt will probably insist I kiss her cheek or something._

I laughed to myself. _I'll allow that. I wonder if I can get someone to kiss my cheek._

_It better not be the hunky cousin._

And my decision was made. Kyle would probably learn eventually. I sent him a wink back and put my phone on the charger before I went back out to join my family in the back yard. The annual barbecue was still going strong. We had almost everyone in the family and extended family along with friends crammed into that space to celebrate the coming of 2031. Fireworks were already being set off, people were laughing and talking and eating, and it was a great time.

I talked to so many people. I had met Hannah's guy Travis and thought he looked kind of like a douche. She seemed to really like him, though, so I kept my thoughts to myself. He seemed nice enough with every single member of Hannah's family watching his every move. Uncle Seth was there with his wife, Paige. I'd always thought she was an unusually pretty girl with her long blonde hair and almost Asian features. She was really nice, though, and she complemented Uncle Seth perfectly.

I found Josh fifteen minutes to midnight. He was talking to some chick that I thought looked familiar. She was one of his friends, but I couldn't remember her name. I wondered briefly if that was the girl he'd been talking about. I narrowed my eyes as I looked her over. She was the snotty kind of pretty with stiff blonde curls that ended at her shoulders, a tiny, straight nose, way too much makeup and the wrong shade of blue for her green eyes, and a tight smile. I sure hoped that wasn't the girl, because she looked all kinds of wrong for Josh. She could just keep that boyfriend of hers and let Josh find true love elsewhere. I walked up and tugged on his hand. The woman walked away.

He smiled at me. "Hey, Trouble. What's up?"

I rolled my eyes. "I need to talk to you."

His smile fell. "Are you okay?"

I realized how desperate I had just sounded. I smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine. Who was that?" I gestured toward the woman who was chatting up one of Uncle Seth's brothers. I scowled; she seemed like a slut. Josh didn't need that.

"That's Catherine. I think you met her before a long time ago; she's one of my friends from high school."

Oh great. A high school sweetheart. I narrowed my eyes at her again. She could just back off. Josh squeezed my fingers, and I remembered that I had something important I needed to ask him.

"Are you kissing anyone tonight?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Not that I know of, why?"

"Because I need you to kiss me." My face flamed. "My cheek, I mean. I told Kyle about you and he's jealous. When I mentioned getting someone to kiss my cheek, he said it better not be you, so I figured it had to be you."

He laughed. "That makes perfect sense. I'd be happy to kiss you, Josie."

I grinned, happy to get my way.

Someone started the countdown and soon everyone was shouting the numbers until we got to two. Then Josh pulled me in close and mashed his lips against my cheek. We both pulled away laughing.

The party continued going strong until around three in the morning. A few people started to leave here and there and gradually the numbers dwindled down to just the eight of us.

I crashed hard that night and woke up only to start packing. I hated having to leave, but I also found I was excited to get back to Seattle and all of my friends. While Hannah and I got my shit packed up, Josh was helping Eli. When I was done, I dragged my bags to the living room.

We got the car loaded and somehow managed to cram all of our new Christmas things in along with everything we'd brought. I spent a little extra time saying goodbye to Hannah, then Josh came up.

"Hello; I was talking," Hannah said indignantly.

"You never stop talking. I'll give her back, give me a second." He waved his hand at his sister before he turned to me and all but picked me up off the ground in a bear hug.

I grunted and hugged him back. "Josh . . . breath."

He laughed and set me down. "Have fun going back to school." He tucked my hair behind my ears like I was a child going to live with someone else. "Call me if you need anything."

I smirked. "Yeah, because you'll run right over."

"I might." He winked and walked away to see if Dad needed any help.

I raised an eyebrow. "What?"

He didn't say anything else to me. We finished getting loaded, said one more round of goodbyes, and we were on our way.

* * *

A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Soooo . . . what'd ya think?


	13. Crazy Little Thing Called Love

A/N: Aw, it's a cute little chapter. It's short, but it's done. Special thanks to ReneeFF and WolfGirl1335 for pre-reading. Enjoy!

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Thirteen

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

_This thing called love  
It swings, it jives,  
It shakes all over like a jelly fish;  
I kinda like it.  
Crazy little thing called love._

-Crazy Little Thing Called Love – Queen

* * *

_**Josie**_

Kyle texted me Thursday afternoon to let me know he'd missed me at school. I smiled and sent him one back saying I wasn't sorry I'd missed that day. We were still in Utah. We'd make it home early Friday morning and spend the day sleeping and being lazy, so mine and Eli's first day back to school wouldn't be until Monday, January sixth.

I'd already made plans with Jennifer and Lily to get together for a sleepover Friday night. Since I wasn't grounded, Dad allowed it on the sole condition that I swore on my life there wouldn't be any boys there. I crossed my heart and made Jennifer promise three times that Jason wouldn't be allowed to come over. I wasn't planning on breaking the rules again anytime in the near future.

We got back on the road just after six o'clock Thursday night. Eli and I both slept a lot in the car. Friday was spent mostly unpacking and being lazy asses. I still did a lot of playing with my phone and showing Eli how to work his. I didn't think it was very fair that Eli's first phone was a cool one like mine, but whatever. We had fun playing games for a while, then Mom and I made dinner. After dinner, it was time to start getting ready to go over to Jennifer's.

I got everything I needed together, including all the presents I had for my friends. Mom took me over to Jennifer's at seven o'clock. Lily was already there and we all hugged and laughed and talked for a while. I gave them both the things I had for them. Lily really liked the little bear figurine in a Santa outfit. She had a thing for bears, and it always reminded me of the teddy bears I had when I was younger. We still had them, but they were up in mine and Eli's closets where they wouldn't get ruined. Mom had had to do a lot of surgery on them over the years after I chewed a hole in some when I was teething and then when Eli had them.

Jennifer was excited about the CD I'd gotten for her of one of her favorite bands. She put it in and together we danced around her room pretending to be rock stars.

Jennifer's parents came up around ten o'clock to tell us to settle down and get ready for bed. We all groaned but did it anyway. We started laughing at each other's pajamas, which resulted in another visit from Mr. and Mrs. Walsh.

We finally got to sleep somewhere around midnight. The next morning, Jennifer's mom made French toast for breakfast. We all sat around the table giggling about something or other until it was time to go back home. Mom came to get me. On the way home, I texted Kyle about the possibility of getting together sometime during the weekend. He was busy that day, but he could come over Sunday. I made sure that was okay with Mom. She knew all about the new rules—she'd helped Dad make them—and said that was fine.

I was excited on Sunday to have Kyle come over. I picked out a special outfit just for him. It was a soft red sweater I'd bought in Phoenix with Hannah and a new pair of jeans that fit me like a dream and made my ass look great. Dad hadn't said much about my plans with Kyle, but somehow I knew he wasn't looking forward to seeing my boyfriend.

Kyle showed up at noon with a cute little gift bag with festive holly on the side of it. I had his gift already sitting on the coffee table waiting for him.

"Hey, Josie," he said when Mom let him in. He scooped me up in a hug that left my feet dangling off the ground. I hugged him back and kissed him when he put me down. "I missed you."

"Me, too."

He greeted my parents, then we sat down together on the couch. I really tried to ignore Dad sitting on the recliner looking at the newspaper like he was actually reading it. I knew my dad; I doubted if he'd ever taken such an interest in the news. It was better than him just sitting there staring at us, though.

"I got you something," Kyle said as he held up the bag. "Merry Christmas a little late."

I smiled and took it. "Thank you. I have something for you, too." I handed him the little package.

"Mine first." He gestured to the gift I was holding. I grinned and dug into it, pulling out a small stuffed dog. It looked like a little black Lab puppy with brown on its paws and muzzle. A red heart hung from its mouth.

"I saw it, and it reminded me of that dog you told me about."

I leaned into him and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Kyle. I love it."

He kissed me back. "You're welcome."

"Your turn! It's not as sweet as the dog." I kind of pouted a little.

He smiled. "I'm sure it's fine." He sat back and lifted his leg up onto the couch, then he pulled me back into him. With his arms around me, he looked over my shoulder and opened his gift on my lap. He held the pressed and framed flowers and looked at them for a second. I looked back at him when he didn't say anything. He met my eyes. "Flowers?"

My stomach churned a little. I should have known it would be too girly for him. I looked down at it and swallowed. "My mom was a florist when I was younger. She still does a lot with flowers. She says the baby's breath signifies new love and the orchids signify thoughtfulness and charm. I think you're pretty thoughtful and charming, so I used those. And of course I had to use mistletoe for kisses and because it's Christmas. I made it."

He pulled the frame a little closer to us and kissed my cheek. "You made it? That makes it a whole lot better, Josie. I love it."

I leaned forward to turn and look at him. "You're not just saying that, are you? You can tell me if you hate it."

Dad snorted. I chose to ignore him.

Kyle shook his head. "I don't hate it. I really do love it. I love that you made me something. You did a really good job, too. Did you press the flowers yourself?"

I nodded. "My mom showed me how when I was a kid. I used to help her do her arrangements and other things."

"Thank you." He kissed me again. "It kind of makes a stuffed dog seem silly."

I hugged the dog. "You don't get to say that. I've already picked out a name for her."

"What's that?"

"I'm calling her Faith, after my dog."

He hugged me. "That's a great name."

Dad gagged. I rolled my eyes and looked over at him.

"Could you not be immature like Eli, please?" I asked him.

He peeked over the top of the paper. "I'll be as immature as I see fit. Carry on."

"Really, Dad, are we going to do anything in broad daylight?"

"Really, Josie, do you think you're going to get me to leave?"

It was hopeless. I groaned and looked over at Kyle. He smiled sheepishly and put the flowers on the coffee table. "What should we do now?"

I wanted to suggest we go up to my room, but I could see Dad getting cozy on my bed while Kyle and I tried to pretend he wasn't there. It was awkward enough in the living room.

"Are you hungry?"

Kyle shrugged. "Sure."

I stood up and took his hand, and together we went into the kitchen. Dad didn't follow. Together Kyle and I whispered our frustration about the situation to each other and decided to make some quesadillas for lunch. Everybody else wanted some, too, so we ended up making a ton. It was fun, though, especially when we almost got into food fight. It was all Kyle's fault; he flung cheese at me first. It settled down really fast when Mom came in to check on us.

Kyle went home around four o'clock. I took my new dog up to my room and placed her on my bed next to a few other stuffed animals I had.

The next day was back to school. My alarm went off at the most ungodly hour, and I had to physically drag my own ass out of bed to get the one on my desk. What I wouldn't give to go the fuck back to sleep. I stumbled my way downstairs where Mom was making breakfast. She set a plate of bacon and eggs in front of me when I sat at the table. I scowled at the eggs and ate all the bacon first. I had a cup of coffee with Dad in hopes of surviving the day.

Jennifer was thrilled to see me back in school. She acted like I'd been gone a month even though I'd seen her only a few days earlier. Everybody seemed to want to know what Phoenix was like. It felt a little like a repeat of the first few days of the school year. I was a little more talkative than I had been back then. I told everyone who asked about the wonders of Arizona like the heat and the dry winter. Trish said it sounded boring until I started talking about Josh. Kyle didn't like that so much.

"He's her cousin," he said louder than he needed to. "And we're not in Kentucky, so he's out of luck."

I snorted. "Stop acting like I've got a huge crush on him, jeez."

"I'd have a crush on him if I were you," Trish said. "I haven't seen him and I have a crush on him. He sounds tall, dark, and handsome."

I got out my phone and pulled up a picture of him. "He's tall, dark, and goofy is what he is." I passed the picture around and had to laugh at all the girls' responses.

Trish moaned. "Oh, yeah. I'd fuck him."

I took my phone back. "You'd fuck a broom, so that's really not surprising."

She sneered at me. I ignored her.

"So I never asked you who you got to kiss you on New Year's," Kyle said.

I smiled. "Josh."

Jennifer gasped. "You kissed your cousin?"

"He kissed my cheek," I laughed. "It wasn't a big deal."

Kyle frowned. "I asked you not to do that."

"There was no asking involved. You said it better not be him, and you'll learn soon enough that I don't let people tell me what I can and can't do." I kissed him. "At least when it comes to silly stuff like you being jealous of my cousin."

"I'm not jealous."

"Yes, you are. He's really just a sweet teddy bear, and he likes some other girl anyway." I wasn't sure if that calmed him down or not, but lunch was over regardless.

On Wednesday, Eli proudly announced that he'd been invited to a sleepover. His friend Andrew was having a birthday slumber party. Andrew was a cute kid; he'd been over to play with Eli a few times. I wasn't sure who was more nervous about him going, me or Mom. Dad acted like it was just another kid going to another slumber party. Like nothing in the world could go wrong.

"Did you talk to Andrew's mom yet?" I asked Friday after school.

Mom nodded. "Yes, and she promised they'd block the windows while Eli was there and make sure he doesn't stay in the sun over thirty minutes."

"What if she doesn't?"

"I can't think about that, Josie," Mom said seriously. "I can't keep him home and forbid him from doing things like this. I wanted to, but your dad talked some sense into me."

What the hell was wrong with him? "Dad has to know what could happen; I know he's not stupid."

Mom sighed. "Honey, your dad is not stupid. He doesn't want Eli to miss out on these things any more than I do, which is why he told me that not letting him go to sleepovers is about as effective as locking him in his room when it comes to him having friends. I have to remember that Kerry is a mother, too, and wouldn't let anyone hurt Andrew, so she'd take care of Eli."

I still thought it was pretty stupid all around. After I finished my homework, I went into Eli's room to help him pack.

"So, you're going to a sleepover tonight, huh?" I asked casually.

He nodded. "Yeah, it's Andrew's birthday. I'm pretty excited. Andrew has the new Wii system and said he's going to get some new games to play at his party."

"That sounds fun. Will you do me a favor?" I grabbed a couple pairs of socks and tossed them in his backpack.

He looked at me skeptically. "What?"

"Make sure you have your phone on you at all times and text me or Mom or Dad immediately if something happens?"

He smiled. "What, are you _worried_ about me?" He laughed. "I'm just your pain-in-the-ass brother, remember?"

"Yeah, you are, but I'd still beat someone up if they tried to hurt you. It's what big sisters do."

"Aw, so you _do_ care about me."

"Only because I have to. So do you promise you'll do that? I can't let you go unless you do."

He snorted. "Dad already made me promise the same thing, so sure."

I stayed in his room with him and made fun of his clothing choices until he finally kicked me out. I went back to my room and texted Hannah, Josh, and Kyle for a while about Eli's party and other random stuff. Josh made me promise to tell him if anything happened; he said he'd come out and kick some ass. I smirked to myself and thought about telling him something happened even if it didn't just to see if he'd really come out. I wouldn't mind seeing him again.

After dinner, Eli was ready to go to the sleepover. I gave him an extra hug before Dad left to take him over to Andrew's. I helped Mom clean up the kitchen, then I went back upstairs to worry about my brother.

I didn't worry for too long. After he texted me that he was still fine and that Andrew's mother had done what she said she'd do in making sure the house was Eli-proofed, I calmed down.

The rest of the evening was pretty nice without Eli there. My parents were lame and went to bed before midnight. I stayed up until almost two o'clock watching a movie and texting with Kyle. I shot him down a few times. When he asked me what I wearing, I replied saying a trench coat over a thick turtleneck sweater, baggy and unflattering sweat pants, and three pairs of socks. I lied because my nightgown, although modest and not all that sexy, was thin and silky. When he told me he was thinking about kissing me and asked what I was thinking about, I told him my thoughts were on the leading lady in the movie and if she'd overcome her fear of flying mechanical spiders to save her kids. He finally got the hint when he asked me to send him a picture of me and I sent a picture of a chimpanzee picking its nose. He stopped trying to get me to be sexy with him and eventually the conversation headed into the wacky, sleep-deprived area where everything was funny whether it was meant to be or not. I didn't really want to say goodnight, but eventually we had to.

The next morning was actually pretty peaceful without the little shit running around. Sleeping in on the weekends was always wonderful, but there was something extra special about not being woken up by Eli at eight o'clock. By the time I did make it out of bed, it was almost ten o'clock and Dad had already gone to work.

"Can we just leave Eli over there?" I asked as I sat down at the table with a bowl of cereal. Mom was reading something on the couch.

She laughed but didn't look away from her book. "You'd miss him."

"No I wouldn't."

"I'd miss him, then."

"You'd get over it."

She looked at me over the book. "In a few years you can move out, then you won't have to worry about it."

I sighed. "Sure, but then you'd miss _me_."

She shrugged. "I'd get over it."

I laughed and ate my breakfast.

Eli came home at two o'clock gushing about all the cool things he got to do over at Andrew's. Mom and Kerry talked for a little bit. Apparently Eli had been a little angel and the woman had to tell Mom how wonderful he was.

It was good to have Eli home again for the first ten minutes. After that he got annoying again. I went back to my room to be a recluse again until Dad got home and it was time for dinner.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the short chapter. We are in a bit of a transition right now; the next one is likely to be short as well, then we'll head straight on in to some DRAMA.

Thanks so much for reading!


	14. Sixteen Candles

A/N: Super short or not, it's still a chapter. I hope you like it anyway! Thank you to WolfGirl1335 and ReneeFF for pre-reading. Love you girls. Love all you readers! Enjoy!

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Fourteen

Sixteen Candles

_Sixteen candles  
Make a lovely light  
But not as bright  
As your eyes tonight  
Blow out the candles  
Make your wish come true_

-16 Candles – The Crests

* * *

_**Josie**_

It didn't take long to get back into my routine from before the Christmas break. I was so excited to finally be able to drive around with my learner's permit. I couldn't wait for the time when I wouldn't have to have Mom or Dad with me. Dad was worse than Mom; he acted like I was going to kill everyone in the car plus a few bystanders. I told him to shut up a few times, but it always resulted in him telling me to pull the car over so we could switch. I learned pretty quickly to keep my mouth shut and focus on the road.

I could almost feel myself growing closer to sixteen years old. So soon I'd be able to get my actual license. I even dreamed of it a few times. It was awesome.

February in Seattle was weird. The wet, rainy weather shouldn't have seemed out of place, yet I couldn't help but remember sunshine and warm weather by my birthday. Eli loved every second of it, because he got to spend more time outside. I supposed that made it okay-ish. I still wanted to get my birthday tan.

The last week of January was spent organizing my birthday party. Since I didn't want to try to do anything on a school night when my friends would have to leave early, and also because Lily and a few other of my friends had other time restrictions on Sundays, I decided to have my party on Saturday, the first of February. It wasn't going to be the typical sweet sixteen birthday ball like I'd seen on TV, but I was okay with that. I didn't need all that shit; I just needed my friends and my family to shower me with love and gifts.

Mom made my favorite cheesecake brownies and Dad took me shopping for a new dress. I found the perfect one. It was strapless, dark blue, and sparkly. The bodice was nice and tight, but the skirt was frilly and poofy like a tutu. It ended just above my knees and made me feel like a ballerina. Dad tried everything to talk me out of it, but he didn't actually forbid it so I argued until I got it. I also got some silver high heeled sandals to go with it.

The party was scheduled for seven o'clock so we could all eat dinner and be ready for cheesecake as soon as everything started. As I got ready before my friends showed up Saturday evening, I pulled my hair back into a tight bun. I had a little tiara clip from years ago and put it in at an angle, then I did my makeup before I got my dress on. For a moment before I went downstairs, I pretended I was a ballerina princess. I would have tried to dance a few steps if I knew I wouldn't break an ankle in my shoes. Instead, I curtsied to myself in the mirror and left the room.

A few of my friends were already there by the time I made it downstairs. They made a huge fuss over my dress, and I took the time to show off a little bit.

I was eager for the rest of my friends to show up. Pretty much all of them had been invited, and I'd gotten a total of twenty RSVP's telling me they were coming. My best friends were among those who had already shown up; Jennifer, Lily, Kaitlyn, and Amanda. Trish had even shown up even though I hadn't actually invited her. I didn't want to make a big fuss, though, so I allowed her to be there. She sneered at me like usual and asked me if my cousin was coming. I said yes, he was walking from Arizona and would be there by the next week.

"Hot damn, girl," Kyle said when he showed up. His hands went to my waist. "You are one sexy mama."

I loved that my shoes made me closer to his height. I leaned in and kissed him. "I know I am."

His arms pulled me closer and wrapped around me in a tight hug and he kissed my ear. "Happy birthday," he whispered.

I pushed him back and smiled. "Thank you."

We took our places on the couch to talk and wait for others who had said they were coming. Kyle sat beside me with his arm around my shoulders. Dad had mellowed out some when it came to my boyfriend, but I still saw the daggers he glared at Kyle's hand when it rubbed my arm. I had a feeling Dad didn't like me strutting around boys in this dress. It made me smile bigger.

Once everyone was there and settled down, Mom brought out the cheesecake. Everyone sang Happy Birthday while Mom snapped a thousand pictures. I closed my eyes to make my wish. Like she did every year, Mom told me to make sure it was a good one. I smiled and wished for a laptop; one that would be all mine. I blew out the candles and didn't hesitate to start pulling them all out so I could eat it. Dad congratulated me; I was officially sixteen years old. Everyone seemed amazed at how good they were. I kinda felt bad for them for never having tasted the awesomeness of Mom's cheesecake brownies, but then I realized that now they knew and would want more.

"Now I understand why you love cheesecake so much, Josie" Kyle said. "These are great, Mrs. Black."

Mom smiled proudly. "Thank you."

When everyone was done, it was time to do presents. I was almost as excited about them as I had been about the cheesecake. I bounced a little in my seat and clapped my hands as my dad announced the first gift was from him. He handed the box to me, and I eagerly ripped the wrapping paper.

The box showed a beautifully ornate silver jewelry box with a butterfly design on the top. He'd been known to stuff not-so-wonderful things inside boxes like this, though, so I opened it with caution. I was surprised to find the very same jewelry box inside, complete with butterfly design. It even had my name inscribed on it with my birth date.

"Oh, Dad, this is beautiful!" I got it out of the box and showed it to all of my friends.

Eli's present was next. He got me a butterfly necklace with designed with amethysts in it. I thought about putting it in the jewelry box but then decided I'd rather wear it. I gave him a big hug then moved on to Mom's present.

"I spent a long time on that," she said as she handed the box to me. "So no matter what, you have to love it."

I smiled at her. "I'm sure I will."

It was a scrapbook. On the cover was a picture of me when I was a baby in an oval frame. I was standing next to Faith with my arms around her neck. Above the picture said my name and below it said "Sweet Sixteen." I spent a few minutes going through the book and showing off the pictures to my friends. It had not only pictures, but also stories of my childhood told through my mom's perspective and different flowers she'd pressed and included for different reasons. My eyes watered as I told my friends about some of the pictures. I knew my mom loved to do this kind of thing, but to have this book from her was something so special. I got up and gave her a huge hug.

"Thanks, Mom. I love it." I set it aside and planned to go through it more carefully later that night when I was alone.

Next I opened the one from Kyle. He'd gotten me a bracelet made with amethyst stones set in silver. It was beautiful. I had him put it on me, then I admired it dangling delicately from my wrist.

"Thank you, baby," I said sweetly. "I love it." I kissed him and moved on to the next gift.

Lily and Jennifer had gone in together on a spa set for me. It was all in a basket and included bubble bath, lotion, body oil, some scrubby stuff, a face mask, and some stuff for my feet. Trish tried to slap her name on it, too, but I knew she had nothing to do with it. She was here for the boys and nothing more.

I ended up with a shitload of gift cards. I liked them better than a lame gift, though, so I didn't complain. The best one was a fifty dollar gift card to the Cheesecake Factory. I also got some more jewelry to put in my new jewelry box. I had one, but it was pale pink and plastic with Disney princesses on it. The new one was much more grown up. When I was younger, I'd always wanted one like Mom's with the inscription "Stay out of my shit," but the one Dad got for me was so much better.

After presents were done, a few people said goodbye and had to leave. Mom got up to get some drinks for anyone who wanted them.

"So have you gotten your birthday spankings yet?" Kyle asked.

I looked at him and smiled. "No."

"No? We should fix that."

Dad cleared his throat. I sighed and glared at him. He rolled his eyes and got up. I felt Kyle tense beside me, but Dad went into the kitchen after Mom. Kyle relaxed and kissed my cheek.

"That's probably not a good idea," I said softly. "I don't want to get grounded again."

He pouted. "I didn't mean anything bad by it."

I gave him a look. "Yes, you did."

"Maybe a little. But seriously, doesn't your family do birthday spankings?"

"For the kids, yeah. I don't think it would be a big deal if I wasn't wearing a short, strapless dress."

He nodded. "Yeah, I guess."

Mom and Dad came back with the drinks. All seven of my friends still around took a cup.

"So do you guys have any fun games to play?" Jennifer asked.

I leaned forward to see her on the other side of Kyle. "We have some board games. Want to play some?"

She and Lily nodded. I had Kyle help me get them out of the cupboard. Mom and Dad left the room to let us play. I guessed they realized nothing was going to happen in a group of people.

Eli wanted to play with us. We made teams and played a few rounds of three different board games, then I came up with the brilliant idea of combining Monopoly, Clue, and Fact or Crap together to make one epic game. The rules were confusing as hell and nobody had any idea who won, but it was fun anyway.

When we got bored of the games, we put them up and sat around talking for a while. Eli went up to his room to get ready for bed. I glanced at the clock and was a little surprised to find it was almost ten o'clock. He came back down to say goodnight to everyone, and Mom went up to tuck him in. A few other friends had to leave. Kyle, Lily, Jennifer, and Jason decided to stick around for a little longer.

It was almost a half an hour later that Mom came out, already changed into her pajamas. She smiled at us and went into the kitchen. A few minutes later, Dad followed her. I groaned and shook my head; he wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Dad," I whined. "Go get dressed!"

He came back to the living room and stopped for a second. "Why?"

"Why? Really?"

He smiled. "I will, I will. I only came out to tell your mother something. You kids have thirty more minutes, then everyone's getting kicked out."

Mom came in holding two mugs. She handed one to Dad. "Thirty minutes," she repeated.

Dad took her hand and kissed her knuckles. I thought about hiding my face when he all but tugged on her arm, leading her back to their bedroom. Talk about really fucking embarrassing. I didn't mind my parents being affectionate, but there was something about what just happened that seemed way too intimate to have been in front of my friends. Or, more specifically, my boyfriend.

Jennifer turned to me as soon as their bedroom door shut. "Goddamn, Josie, why didn't you tell me your dad was so hot?"

I groaned. "He's not. Besides, you've seen him before."

"Not without a shirt," Lily said. It sounded like a moan.

"Jeez, he does that all the damn time. It's not a big deal, and he's my dad so he's really not that hot."

"Your mom's hot," Jason said.

"What is it with you and really hot guys in your family?" Jennifer asked. "Your dad, your cousin . . . is your uncle hot?"

"No! He's my uncle for crying out loud." I felt like I was being ganged up on.

Kyle squeezed my shoulders. "Calm down, babe. People usually think other people's family is hot."

"Did anyone hear me?" Jason asked. "I said her mom's hot."

"We heard you," Jennifer said. "We just chose to ignore you."

"Do you agree with me, Kyle?"

Kyle looked over at Jason with a hilariously scared expression on his face. I wondered if he knew how precarious this situation was. I also wondered if he could find an answer that wouldn't piss me off.

"Uh, well . . ." he looked at me nervously. "I know where Josie gets her good looks."

I smiled. "I'm proud of you, Kyle. That was actually a nice answer."

He beamed. "I passed!"

Jason groaned. "You're a pussy, man. You can say it in front of a girl. See, watch." He turned to Jennifer. "I'd fuck her mom if I could."

Jennifer scowled. I did, too. "You better not let my dad hear you say that, Jason. Teenager or not, he doesn't let other guys say that about her."

"Ooh, I'm scared."

"I would be," Kyle said.

I sighed. "Anyway, that's enough talk about my parents. How would you like it if all your friends were saying how hot and fuckable your parents are? It's disgusting, so knock it off."

Jason rolled his eyes. "Okay, jeez."

I wasn't all that sad when they had to leave a little while later. Kyle kissed me and said goodnight. I went upstairs to wriggle my way out of my dress and get ready for bed.

* * *

A/N: Hooray for the shortest chapter yet! Are we ready for this story to get serious? I loved all the reviews for the last chapter wondering what the drama could be. You'll find out soon enough. The next chapter is all ready to go next week.

Thanks so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts!


	15. Red

A/N: Who's ready for this story to pick up? I am! This chapter sets the stage for the whole plot. The chapters that have led up to this have basically been preparation, letting you get to know the main players. Let the games begin.

Thanks so much to WolfGirl1335 and ReneeFF for pre-reading. Enjoy :)

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Fifteen

Red

_They say freak  
When you're singled out,  
The red, well it filters through.  
So lay down, the threat is real,  
When his sight goes red again._

-The Red – Chevelle

* * *

_**Josie**_

Being sixteen years old was awesome. I still had to wait to finish driver's ed. before I could get my real license, but Mom and Dad were getting more lenient about my driving. Mom even let me drive when Eli and I went to school in the mornings. I'd drop him off then go to the high school, then she'd drive home. It wasn't a lot, but it felt like I'd passed some kind of milestone.

Being a girlfriend was a different story. It was still weird, no matter how much I liked Kyle. I didn't like how physical most of my other friends were because I'd figured out it made Kyle think he had a shot at it with me. We talked about it a few times and every single time I told him it simply wasn't going to happen. He kept saying he was okay with it, then a few days later he'd make some kind of sexual comment toward me. It was starting to get pretty frustrating. I didn't want to be anyone's girlfriend if it meant they thought they could get away with that.

Because I didn't let Kyle grope me in the middle of the student body, Trish started calling me a prude. I told myself that I didn't care; she could call me anything she wanted. But deep down, it did upset me. I wondered if anyone else agreed with her. If Kyle did.

The rules regarding my boyfriend were still in effect. I went over to his house to read a few chapters in our book for English. Katherine, Kyle's mom, greeted me when I got there. Kyle was in the living room and smiled when he saw me.

"Hey, Josie. You ready to get reading?"

I nodded and gestured to my backpack. "Let's get started."

We had to stay in the living room where Katherine could see us, so we sat down on the couch and pulled out our books. We'd been reading it together, so we were on the same chapter. I crossed my legs and leaned back against him. With his arm around me, we read. Well, I tried to read while he made me laugh by reading some of the sentences in a funny voice.

"You're distracting me," I complained.

He chuckled. "Yeah? Well, you're distracting me, so that makes us even."

I turned a little look back at him. "How am I distracting you?"

He lifted his arm and brushed my hair out of the way before he leaned in and kissed my cheek. "You're just too pretty."

I made a face. "I'm sorry; I'll try to be uglier tomorrow."

He smiled. "You'll still be pretty."

I rolled my eyes and straightened out to go back to my book. I noticed Katherine walking through the room a little more often that I thought was really necessary. At least she wasn't awkwardly obvious like my dad. She kind of tried to give us a little privacy.

We read three chapters and put the books away for a while. I loved Shakespeare and all, but there was only so much prose I could handle before I needed a break. Kyle was the same way, which I liked.

"What should we do now?" I asked.

Kyle tightened his arm around me. "I'm sure my mom wouldn't mind if we snuck up to my room. I could ask her."

I shook my head. My dad would undoubtedly find out. The guy was a freaking ninja when it came to finding shit out. "I don't want to risk it."

He nodded and hugged me again. "Okay. Want to watch a movie?"

"Sure. Before we do, can I ask you something?" I snuggled a little closer to him in hopes of keeping our conversation quiet so Katherine didn't hear us.

"Sure." He ducked his head like he knew what I was thinking and lightly kissed my lips. "What is it?"

I kissed him back. "It's kind of silly, but I'm really curious," I warned. He just nodded again. I reached up to push his hair out of his eyes. He stared at me, patiently waiting for me to say what was on my mind. I kissed him one more time. "It's about what Trish said the other day. You don't think . . ." I swallowed and looked down at his arm around me. His thumb grazed the skin of my arm lightly. "Do you think I'm a prude?" Why did I even care? Jesus, it's not like his answer was going to change anything. I still closed my eyes and prayed he said no.

"Why would I think that, Josie?" He rubbed my arm and squeezed me again. "Baby, look at me."

I turned to look at him and took a deep breath. "Because every single time you try to do anything, I shut you down. I mean it when I say nothing will happen, but I guess I want to make sure you're really okay with that. You say you are, and I do try to believe you." I started to play with the hairs on his arm, lightly tugging them. "I don't know why I feel so shitty about all of it. I guess I don't want you to be with anyone else."

He smiled and kissed the side of my head. "I don't want to be with anyone else, and it's not because I think I'll change your mind anytime soon. I don't make comments and jokes about it because I'm trying to convince you of anything. If it really bugs you, I'll stop. It's just that I do think about it, and I do think you're really sexy. Maybe someday after high school when we're all grown up and ready for that, right?"

If we lasted that long. I didn't say that; I just smiled and nodded. "Right."

He kissed me again and rubbed my arm. "What movie do you want to watch?"

We decided on a movie and got more comfortable laying on the couch together. Halfway through, Katherine asked me if I wanted to stay for dinner. I texted Mom to make sure that was okay with her. With her approval, I agreed to stay.

The movie was almost over when I caught the first glimpse of one of Kyle's cats. It was huge and grey and fluffy as fuck. I tried to call it over to me, but it just sat down and stared at me.

"Why won't it come?" I asked him.

He laughed. "Because he's a cat. That one's Fluffers. Tri-Pod's probably sleeping somewhere."

Kyle's dad, Robert, got home just as Katherine told us dinner would be done in ten minutes. As soon as we got off the couch, the cat disappeared. Robert greeted me stiffly as he usually did. Kyle had told me that was just how he was; he was a lawyer and apparently that made him an ass or something.

Katherine had made some awesome soup and rolls for dinner. I had to laugh when there were suddenly two cats sitting on either side of Katherine.

"Did you kids get done what you needed to?" Robert asked.

"Yeah, pretty much," Kyle answered. "We're not done with the book yet, but we read about three chapters today."

"That's good. Keep those grades up."

Kyle just nodded. He dipped a tiny piece of his roll in the soup and held it down for the three-legged cat. I smiled when it sniffed the treat for a second before taking it. The giant, fluffy one must've caught on, because it ran around Katherine to see if it could get anything out of him. Seeing the two cats together was weird; Fluffers was nearly twice the size of Tri-Pod. I wondered how much of that was fur.

I didn't stay long after dinner. I texted Mom and told her I'd walk home, but she said she'd send Dad over to get me. She didn't want me to walk home in the dark. On the way home, Dad asked me if I'd had a good time. I felt it was best to give him a play-by-play of the whole evening with the exception of my conversation with Kyle. I told him about reading, the movie, the cats, the dinner, Kyle's dad who looks just like Kyle only older and with much shorter hair, and Kyle's mom who's always nice and a pretty good cook. He was happy to hear I'd had a good time.

* * *

The boyfriend rules made Valentine's Day awkward. He came over to our house after school on the fourteenth. Dad was still at work for the time being, so Mom was the one who came to check on us. She wasn't as persistent as Dad, but she certainly wasn't as invisible as Katherine.

"I had hoped to take you out to dinner, but since we don't have a chaperon, I can't do that. So instead, I brought you dessert." He produced a mini cheesecake and smiled. "Happy Valentine's Day."

I kissed him. "Kyle, that's so sweet. Thank you."

As we shared the cheesecake, I confessed that I hadn't gotten anything for him. He said it was fine and kissed me again.

Dad got home just before we started a movie. Instead of a romantic night, it turned into a family movie night. Eli even joined the fun. I did my best to ignore the situation and make it a nice night anyway.

After the movie and dinner, Kyle needed to go home. I begged my dad to let me have five minutes alone with him on the front porch. It was granted, but after five minutes he was coming to get me. I just rolled my eyes and went with it. I took Kyle's hand and we went out to the porch.

"I'm sorry tonight turned out so lame," I said.

He smiled. "It wasn't lame. I was with my girlfriend, so it was awesome."

I pushed him a little. "You're just saying that."

"No I'm not." He stepped up to me and put his hands on my hips. "I mean it." He kissed me. I put my hands on his shoulders and held on as I deepened the kiss. It felt like it had been forever since we'd been able to kiss like this. All the eyes all over the place watching my every move made it difficult. It was nice to be able to do it again.

He pulled back a few minutes later and rested his forehead against mine. I smiled and kissed him one more time. "I can't wait for the rules to change again. Maybe if we're good it'll be sometime before I'm thirty."

He chuckled. "If nothing else, you're legally an adult once you hit eighteen, so they'll change then."

"Yeah, but you can bet my dad won't stop protecting my honor when I'm eighteen."

"I can't blame him, really. It's not entirely his fault he has such a beautiful daughter." He hugged me and kissed me again. "I'd protect your honor, too."

I laughed and stepped back. "I'm sure you would."

Before he could say anything else, Dad opened the door and smiled casually. "Done saying goodnight yet?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Dad." Because I could, I stepped forward and kissed Kyle one last time. "Have a good night."

"You too, baby. Goodnight, Mr. Black." He turned and walked down to his car.

Dad shut the door and hugged my shoulders. "I know you don't like it, Josie."

I looked up at him. "When will things go back to normal?"

He sighed. "When you're married."

I snorted. "How am I going to get married if I can't spend ten minutes alone with a guy?"

He just shrugged and went to the kitchen to help Mom clean up. I shook my head and went upstairs to be alone in my room for a while.

* * *

It was the eighteenth of February when Josh texted me saying he had a surprise for me, but I couldn't have it until March first. I scowled and texted him back.

_You're a tease. What is it?_

_If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise. You have to wait._

I grumbled. _Will I like it?_

_Whether you do or don't, you'll be stuck with it._

That didn't sound good. _Is it a pet?_

_No._

I quirked my lips, thinking for a second. _A new wardrobe._

_Nope._

_A magazine subscription?_

_You don't read magazines. No. No more guesses; I'm late for work._

I groaned in frustration and told him to stop being mean to me. What a jerk. I wondered what the surprise could be. It better be good. I thought of something and sent him one more text.

_Are you coming to see me?_

There wasn't a response. He was probably getting in the car or maybe even driving already. I narrowed my eyes at the phone and made a silent and futile threat that he'd better text me when he gets to the office or I'd find a way to hurt him. I knew where he worked; it was with Aunt Leah and Uncle Seth at the Phoenix construction office. He was the accountant, which I always found to be pretty damn funny. When I was younger, I couldn't imagine my goofy, wild Josh being a desk kinda guy. He'd told me often that he liked the work; it gave his brain something to do.

That Saturday, on the twenty-second, Eli was invited to another sleepover at Landon's. I remembered Landon was the cute blonde kid at Eli's birthday party with the rude-as-fuck mother. Eli was excited about it, though, and Mom said the bitch seemed nice enough when she talked to her about Eli's condition. I made him promise me the same thing as last time.

After Dad left to take Eli to Landon's, I ran a hot bath and soaked for a long while. I didn't get out until the water had cooled down considerably. It was almost lukewarm when I pulled the plug and got up to dry off.

Back in my room, I texted Kyle and attempted to text Josh for a while. I was impressed with Kyle's lack of sexy comments when I mentioned I'd taken a bath. I was sure he'd say something like how he wished he could take one with me or something, but he didn't. He just asked me if it was nice, and I said yes. Josh still wouldn't answer me when I asked him what his big surprise was. The more I thought about it, the more possibilities I came up with. I kept coming back to the idea that he might be coming to see me, but he wouldn't confirm or deny any more of my theories.

I went to bed just after one o'clock in the morning. I was already looking forward to March first the way I usually look forward to my birthday or Christmas. It took me a while to relax enough to sleep even though I was tired.

I had weird dreams that night, and I woke up not feeling very rested. I got up and stretched, then pulled back the curtain over the window to look outside. I was happy to see the sun shining. Today seemed like a good day for a walk. I shuffled my way downstairs and had a cup of coffee with Dad. Mom commented about how I'd been drinking a lot more of it lately. I just told her that was because I liked it.

I went back upstairs to get dressed and ready for my walk. My phone buzzed with a text message just before I was going to get dressed. It was from Eli, but it didn't make any sense. It looked like the last part of an incomplete sentence. I texted him back to find out what he meant and continued getting ready.

When I was ready, I went downstairs to get my coat on and tell my parents I was leaving for a little while. I gave Dad a hug and smiled at Mom's silly ringtone when her phone went off. I was about to walk out when she turned around quickly and almost started shouting.

"What?" she demanded. "What do you mean he's been outside for an hour?"

Oh, shit. Please don't be Eli. Don't be Eli. He'd have texted me! I looked up at Dad. Something in his expression worried me. He walked over to Mom and asked her what was going on. She held up her hand.

"Okay. Okay, we'll be there in a second."

She put the phone down and took a deep breath before she hurried to get her shoes.

"What's going on?" Dad asked again.

"That was Lexi, Landon's mom. Eli was outside for a while; she said she thought it was only an hour."

_Only_ an hour! "How could she not know for sure?" I demanded.

"I don't know, honey. Jake, I . . ." she stopped and wiped her eyes. Dammit, I hated to see her cry.

Dad nodded. "I know, baby. Come on."

Dad was fuming. I was, too. He was trying to keep Mom calm while she freaked out about her baby. They got ready to leave, and I walked to the door.

"I'm coming with," I said.

Dad started to shake his head, but I didn't give him a chance to say anything. I walked out and waited by the car door for him to unlock it.

"Josie," Dad started.

"I'm not negotiating, Dad. He's my brother, and he needs me." Not to mention I had some ass to kick.

Dad sighed and unlocked the car. We were all in and buckled in record time, then we were on our way to a dead boy's house. I barely managed to wait until the car was stopped before I hopped out and ran up to the door. Mom was faster than I was. She didn't bother knocking; she just barged in and called Eli's name. Another lady's voice in another room said he was waiting on the couch. We all went in, and I was not prepared for what I saw.

I had seen both my mother and my brother with a rash and blisters from the sun. The redness on Eli's arms and face was not much worse than anything I'd seen before, but knowing that it was not something he did to himself on accident—another punk kid did this to him—made it seem ten times worse. Eli was crying and holding his red arms in front of him. I knew they hurt. Mom sat down next to him and stroked his hair.

"Oh, honey," she cried. The tears in her eyes were evident in her voice. "Baby, I'm so sorry. It's okay. It'll be okay." Eli sniffled and nodded. "Can you tell me what happened?"

It was so not okay. This shit wasn't supposed to happen here. He was supposed to be safe. It was the whole fucking reason we moved in the first place.

While Dad was talking to Lexi and Mom was talking to Eli, I didn't know what to do. I stood there, completely unsure of how to help my little brother as he told Mom how the other boys took his phone and locked him outside. My fists clenched. How do I make this okay? I was so mad at everyone. Lexi standing there with her arms folded over her stomach and a pretend-worried look on her face pissed me off. I wanted to spit in her eyes and tell her to watch the fucking kids. She said she didn't know he was out. She thought all the boys were in the bedroom playing video games. She said Eli stayed outside on his own, but we all knew better. He wouldn't do that.

A door opened behind us, and I turned to see a man a little younger than Dad walk in with Landon, Logan, and Brady behind him. My blood boiled when Brady pointed at Eli and snickered. I narrowed my eyes and took a step toward them.

"Josie," Dad warned. I ignored him.

I didn't even make it three steps before Dad caught my arm.

"You're dead," I spat. "Dead!"

"Josie, come on." Dad tugged on my arms, all but dragging me with him as he walked toward the door.

I struggled against him. "You think this is _funny_?" I demanded.

All three boys shook their head with wide-eyed expressions, trying to hide behind the man I assume was Landon's dad. Knowing they were afraid of me didn't help. I wanted to strangle all of them. I wanted to make them burn the way they'd done to Eli.

Dad was much stronger than me and pulled me out of the room. He didn't stop until we were outside on the front lawn. "Josie, get a fucking grip. You need to calm down."

I ripped my arm out of his grasp. He let me go this time. "I don't want to calm down, Dad. Those boys hurt my brother."

"And my son! You think I'm not fucking pissed about this? You think I _don't_ want to fuck someone up for this?"

"Then why the fuck don't you?"

He sighed. "Because I have to be an adult."

"Well, I'm only sixteen; I don't have to be responsible." I started back for the house. Dad caught me again.

"Yes, you sure as hell do. First of all, I can't let you hurt one of those other boys no matter how badly I want to. Second, you're his sister, and he looks up to you. You've got to set a good example for him right now."

I growled and slapped his hand away from me. "I don't want to be a good example. They fucking hurt my brother; I want to kill the little bastards!"

Dad pulled me into a hug and squeezed me tight. My eyes watered. I just wanted to help my brother. I wanted to undo what had been done and make Eli okay again.

As I clung to my dad and tried to breathe past all the anger and hurt in my chest, another car pulled up. Brady and Logan left. I glared at them for a second before I squeezed my eyes shut.

"What do I do, Dad?" I whimpered. "I need to do something."

"I know, Josie. I know." He kissed my head. "Let's wait out here until you're calm, then we'll go in and see about getting Eli home. There'll be plenty you can do to help him there."

I nodded even though his plan was so far from what I really wanted to do. I took even, deep breaths and focused on the green grass at my feet. When that didn't do much, I closed my eyes and listened the sounds of my dad breathing and the birds chirping somewhere in the trees. Dad stroked my hair and just held me until most of the anger had eased.

I sniffled and pulled back. "I'm okay now."

Dad framed my face with his hands. "I'm so proud of you, Josie."

I snorted. "That wasn't anything to be proud of."

He smirked and kissed my forehead. "You are a wonderful sister. Eli's lucky to have you. Don't ever let anyone tell you different."

I just smiled and nodded, then we went back inside. Everyone was still in the living room. Eli was on the couch looking at his knees while Mom stood talking to the Lexi. The man was sitting on one of the other chairs with Landon on his lap. Landon leaned into him like he was the one that needed comfort. I furrowed my brow and went to sit by Eli.

"You better learn how to control your daughter," the man said.

I could practically hear Dad bristle. "Speak for your damn self," he spat. "If you had been able to control your son and his friends while they were here—where you were _supposed_ to look after them—this shit wouldn't have happened."

Eli leaned into my shoulder and whimpered. "I don't feel good, Josie."

I pet his hair and leaned in to kiss his head. "I know you don't, Eli. Just relax; we'll go home in a minute and we'll get you all fixed up, okay?"

He nodded slightly. "Okay."

I looked over at Mom talking to Lexi and noticed how tense she looked. I hadn't paid any attention to their conversation when we came back in, but now I saw that they weren't really just talked. Lexi was clearly trying to defend her son and the other boys, and Mom wasn't letting this go as a little thing. Dad moved behind her and took her shoulders.

"Come on, Ness, let's get Eli home."

Mom took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay."

"Don't expect your son to be invited over here anymore," Lexi said.

Mom's fists clenched and she did something I'd never seen her do before. She reached out and punched the other woman square in the jaw. Lexi cried out in surprised and held her hand over her mouth. Both Eli and I laughed in both surprise and amusement at seeing our mother be so badass. Dad had a hard time containing his smile as he pulled Mom away from Lexi and gestured for me to get Eli.

Nobody said anything else as we made our exit. The looks on their faces said they were afraid to. Most people who knew our family were more afraid of Dad; he was the one with the temper issues. I loved that Mom had proven herself a force to be reckoned with. And, honestly, I could imagine these people too nervous to say anything else for fear of what Dad might do, considering what Mom had just done. She was supposed to be the mild one.

Eli's good humor had vanished again by the time we got home. He was crying as Mom helped him up the stairs to his bedroom. I wanted so badly to be there and help some more, but I knew this first part—getting him changed and somewhat comfortable—was Mom's job. He always said he felt better when she was there because she knew firsthand what he felt and how bad the pain was. I sat on the couch next to Dad and sighed.

"So now what?" I asked.

Dad shook his head. "I don't know, Josie."

As I thought about the whole event at Landon's, I just got more and more pissed again. I stood up and started to pace the living room. "Who says shit like that, Dad? When a kid gets hurt, you apologize, not treat them like it's all their fault and they're such a burden for existing." My fists balled at my sides, and I continued to pace. It didn't matter that Mom had already put the bitch in her place; I wanted to do it again.

Dad leaned forward. "People say things they don't mean when they're angry," he said.

I stopped in my tracks and looked at him. "And you think that just absolves her?" I asked, unable to believe he would think that.

He shook his head. "No, of course not. I'm just saying if we give it time to calm down, I'm sure we can come to a truce. I don't want him to lose friends over this."

I snorted. "Yeah, what wonderful friends."

He smiled, but it was sad. "I'm not talking about them, Josie. I mean his real friends whose parents are going to hear about what happened and decide whether Eli was the one that caused the trouble."

I hadn't thought about that. I grumbled and went back to sit on the couch again. I leaned forward like Dad with my elbows on my knees and rested my head in my hands. I took several deep breaths to calm down so I could be ready to do whatever Eli needed me to do.

Mom came downstairs a few minutes later and said he was in bed. Dad got up and pulled her into his arms. While he comforted her, I went upstairs to see what I could do for my brother.

I knocked lightly on his door and went in. "Hey, Eli."

He looked over at me and smiled a tiny smile. "Hey."

I wiped my eyes and sat down gently on the side of his bed. "What can I do?"

"I told Mom I think I left my phone over at Landon's. I didn't mean to. Brady wasn't supposed to be there last night. Stupid jerk."

My lips trembled. "Tell me what happened?"

He reached out and I let him put his hand in mine. "This morning they were all talking about going outside to play for a while. I was going to call Mom to come get me so they could do whatever they wanted and not worry about me, but then Brady told me I had to stay. He took my phone away from me when I was trying to text you."

So that's what that incomplete text was about. I wished I'd made a bigger deal out of it then. Maybe I could have stopped this. "Then what happened?" I asked.

He took a deep breath. "Then they talked me into going outside for a few minutes. They said fifteen minutes. Landon's mom even gave him a watch to keep the time. When it went off, Brady pushed me down and they all ran inside and shut the door and locked it. They have a big fence around their back yard and I couldn't figure out how to get around it."

"I'll kill 'em if you want me to."

He smiled. "Yeah, actually I would. Brady and Landon and Logan, just kill them all."

"I'll give them a nice acid bath so they can see how bad it hurts to have your skin peel like this. Oh, Eli, I'm so sorry." I leaned down and carefully put my head on his small chest. It was as close to a hug as I was going to get. I really wanted to scoop him up in my arms and protect him from anything else ever happening again.

He hissed anyway, and I pulled back quickly. He squeezed my fingers. "It's not your fault, Josie. I'm pretty sure it was all Brady's idea."

That didn't make me feel any better. "Besides getting your phone back for you, is there anything else I can do?"

He nodded. "I'm hungry."

"I'll get you something. Does anything sound particularly good?"

"Grilled cheese."

"You got it. I'll be back in a minute." I stood up and kissed his head before I left.

Mom and Dad were on the couch when I went downstairs. Mom was curled up against Dad with her face buried in his neck while he rubbed her back. Her body shook as she cried. Dad looked over at me.

"How is he?" he asked.

"He's doing okay, considering. He wants grilled cheese, so I'm going to make him some."

Dad nodded and went back to comforting Mom.

As I made the sandwich for my brother, I found myself getting upset again. None of this was supposed to happen. I'd be damned if I let anyone get away with it. Someone was going to pay, somehow. I didn't care if I had to hunt the little shits down during school hours, I would find a way to make this right.

Eli needed some help eating the sandwich, so I stayed with him to make sure he got it okay. Once he was finished, I went to get his bell. It was a copper bell with a wooden handle that Mom had given to him a few years ago for just this purpose. If he needed something when none of us were in the room, he'd ring the bell and we'd come running. Dad was coming up to check on him when I went in my room. I texted Josh and Hannah for a while about what had happened. I reminded Josh of his promise from the first sleepover Eli'd gone to, but he didn't respond to that. They were both furious like I was. Hannah promised to be there in spirit as I hunted the kids down.

After I'd taken a few minutes to relax and calm down a little bit, I went back downstairs to see how Mom was doing. We sat on the couch together and talked about what had happened. She held my hands and confessed that she felt horrible for even passing the photosensitivity to Eli. I promised her that Eli didn't blame her. She smiled and said Dad had said the same thing. It didn't make her feel much better. I scooted closer and hugged her tightly. We'd get through this. It had happened before under different circumstances, and we'd always gotten through it before.

* * *

A/N: Thoughts?

Thanks so much for reading!


	16. Harder to Breathe

A/N: Apologies for the late update; I've been sick this last week. I have nothing else written, so the next update may be a while. More apologies. Hopefully you'll all stick around.

Thanks so much to all my wonderful readers; the last chapter got more reviews than all the other chapters. *hugs* You guys make me very happy. Special thanks to my lovely pre-readers, WolfGirl1335 and ReneeFF.

Enjoy :)

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Sixteen

Harder to Breathe

_How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable  
So condescending, unnecessarily critical  
I have the tendency of getting very physical  
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle_

-Harder to Breathe – Maroon 5

* * *

_**Josie**_

"Can I talk to you for a minute, Josie?" Dad asked Monday morning.

I grumbled to myself and went to sit beside him on the couch. "What?"

Eli wasn't doing much better. Even though I knew it would take a while for him to heal and get better, I wanted it to happen immediately. When it didn't, it just pissed me off more.

Dad took my hand and squeezed lightly. "I wanted to let you know that your mom and I have already talked to the other kids' parents. They know what happened and they're going to deal with it."

I looked up at him. "Are they going to beat them?" They deserved so much worse.

Dad sighed and shook his head. "No. I wouldn't beat Eli if the situation was reversed."

"I would! Dad, if Eli intentionally did something to another kid that could potentially kill them, you can't tell me he'd just get off with a slap on the wrist. I don't care if they're someone's kids, that is unforgivable. What if Lexi hadn't called us when she did? What if she just let Eli stay out there? He could have _died_." Did they just not get the seriousness of this whole situation?

"Yes, I know he could have. Josie, I'm not saying it's not a fucked up situation. What I'm saying is that their parents are going to deal with it so you're not going to."

I growled and stood up. "Who says I was going to do anything?"

"I'm not stupid, baby. I know what you want to do."

"How do you know what I want to do?"

He sighed. "Because you're so much like me it's scary sometimes."

I scowled. "I am not."

"Fine; I read your mind."

"Yeah, I'm sure." I rolled my eyes.

Dad stood up beside me. "Tell me you really have intention of going after any of them."

I hesitated. What harm would one little lie do? Then I grumbled to myself because I knew it would only cause more harm when he found out I'd lied. "Maybe I was going to skip English and see if I could find them at school."

He nodded. "Promise me you won't."

"But why, Dad? They deserve to be—"

He put his hands on my shoulders. "Think about it this way, Josie. If you do that, you won't get off with a slap on the wrist. Do you really want to risk that when you could be here helping your brother get better? Just breathe and think about it for a second, baby."

I really hated it when he was right like this. It should be justified to hurt someone who hurt your brother. But Dad was right; it wasn't justified and I'd go to some kind of jail where I wouldn't be able to help Eli. Fuck it all.

I sucked in a deep breath and nodded. "You're right."

He pulled me into a hug. "So you'll let their parents deal with it, right?"

I nodded reluctantly. "Yes."

"Thank you. I love you, Josie."

I nodded again and hugged him tightly. "I love you, too."

I went back upstairs to check on Eli one more time before I finished getting ready for school. He was still sleeping. I smiled at his little monkey face and gently ran my fingers through his hair before I left.

I was still in a sour mood all through school. Jennifer tried to get me to be as excited as she was about going to the winter formal with Jason. I didn't see why she was so thrilled; he was already her boyfriend and she'd already fucked him. What else was there to get excited about? I managed to congratulate her and went to class.

I didn't feel like talking to anyone. It wasn't fair that I didn't get to stay home with Eli today. I knew Mom could handle it just fine, but I should be there to help him, too. I wondered if Dad felt the same way.

Kyle sat next to me the way he did every single day at lunch. He tried to lean in to kiss my cheek, but I wasn't in the mood. I leaned away and pushed him back.

"What's wrong?" he asked, surprised.

I just shook my head. I didn't want to explain because if any of these pathetic bastards said anything about it, I wasn't so sure I wouldn't beat their ass.

Apparently my attitude caught everyone else's attention and suddenly everyone was asking me what was wrong. Don't make a scene, I told myself. It wouldn't help anything.

"It's none of anybody's business," I said loudly. "It's personal shit that has nothing to do with anybody here, and I'd appreciate it if you all left me the fuck alone." I got up, took my tray, and left without looking back.

People must have gotten the hint, because none of my friends tried to talk to me until school was over. I was putting my shit away in the locker when Jennifer came up. She held her book in front of her and cleared her throat softly.

"Will you yell at me again if I ask if you're okay?"

I stopped for a second and shook my head. "No, I won't. I'll be okay, Jen. I'm just dealing with shit."

"We're your friends, Josie; we're here to help."

I looked over at her and sighed. "It's not that easy."

She touched my arm. "It should be. None of us are going to turn our backs on you."

"I can think of a few people at that table who would gladly stab me in the back if I gave them a chance."

She sighed. "Yeah, okay, some of _them_ might, but I wouldn't. Kyle and Lily wouldn't. Come on, Josie, talk to me."

I groaned and finished getting my things so I could step back and let her get in. "Fine, but I'm not telling you in school. I have to go home and check on my brother, but maybe we can get together later today?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Text me and we'll figure something out. Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be okay." She turned around and hugged me. "Just hang in there."

I found myself smiling and hugging her back. "Thanks, Jen. I've got to go; I'll text you later."

Mom was anxious when I got in the car. I figured it was just because she'd had to leave Eli alone at the house to come get me.

"How is he?" I asked.

She shrugged. "He's okay. About as good as can be expected."

I nodded. "Is it okay if I meet with my friends later today? We'll probably go to a park or something. Kyle might be there."

She nodded. "Yeah, baby, that's okay."

Eli was sleeping again when we got home. I really wanted to talk to him, but I wasn't about to wake him up. At least he wasn't in any pain if he was asleep. I got a quick snack and went downstairs to the kitchen table to do my homework. Mom came in and sat next to me. Even though I didn't really need any help, I asked her a few questions to hopefully get her mind off shit. I knew it probably didn't work; I couldn't get my own mind off it. When I was done, I put everything away and checked on Eli again.

His eyes were open when I walked in his room this time. He looked over at me and kind of smiled. I sat on the edge of his bed and touched his hand that wasn't red.

"Hey, how's my little twerp?"

His lips spread in a wider smile. "I'm okay, jerkface."

"That's good. Feeling any better?"

He kind of shrugged one shoulder. "It itches really bad."

I patted his hand and got up to get the things he needed to soothe his skin. The aloe gel was sticky and gooey and the numbing cream made my fingers feel funny, but I took my time and made sure every inch of red, blistered skin was smothered in it.

"How's that?"

He nodded. "Better, thanks. I'm hungry. Do we still have any oatmeal?"

"I'm not sure, but I'll check. Be right back." I kissed his head, went to wash my hands, then headed downstairs.

"Eli's awake, Mom," I called. "Do we have any oatmeal?" I opened the cupboard as I asked and found what I was looking for. "Never mind, I found it."

Mom came in and got a pan out. "Does he need any cream?"

"Nope, I got that taken care of. I'll get this, too."

She hugged me. "Thank you, Josie. I'll go tell him you're getting his lunch."

Eli was happy to have his oatmeal. I had planned on staying with him to make sure he could eat it okay, but Mom was already there and said she'd do it. I went back to my room and texted Jennifer about getting together. She as available to meet at the park and said Kyle and Lily would be there, too. I really wasn't sure if I wanted to do this, but I'd already told Jennifer I would. I went back to Eli's room to let Mom know I was leaving soon. Neither of them needed anything else, so I was free to go.

Dad was pulling into the driveway as I walked outside. I told him where I was going and that Mom had already approved it. He nodded and hugged me before he went inside.

Jennifer was already at the park when I got there. Lily showed up not long after. They both pulled me into a group hug.

"Okay, guys. Seriously, I'm going to be fine." I pulled back and sat down on a bench. Jennifer sat on one side of me and Lily sat on the other.

"So what's going on?" Jennifer asked.

"I don't want to say it twice, so I'm going to wait for Kyle."

She nodded. "Okay." She took my hand and held it tightly.

Lily rested her head on my shoulder. "I don't like it when you're sad, Josie. It makes me sad."

I smiled and tilted my head to rest it on hers. "I'll be okay."

Kyle finally showed up a few minutes later. "Sorry I'm late; I had to answer a host of my dad's questions to get out of the house." He kissed me and sat down on the grass in front of us and crossed his legs. "Is everything okay?"

I guessed this was it. I sucked in a deep breath and looked down at my hand in Jennifer's. "Not really. I mean, it will be okay. Eli went to a sleepover last Saturday. The sun was out Sunday morning, and fuckers locked him outside."

"But he's allergic to the sun, right?" Lily asked.

I nodded. "That's why it's so terrible. He was outside for over a fucking hour." My eyes watered as all the anger and the hate for those boys reappeared. "He's got this really bad rash and he can't go anywhere until it goes away. Then the boy's mom tried to pass it off as boys being boys and I really want to just rip the fuckers to shreds." I leaned forward and took my hand back from Jennifer's to wipe my eyes. "I know he'll get better and it won't last forever, but it pisses me off so badly."

"Nobody would blame you for getting pissed, babe," Kyle said. "That's your brother, and I know how much you love him." He got on his knees in front of me and took my hands.

"Who does shit like that?" Jennifer asked, disgust obvious in her voice. "They knew about him, right? That he can't be in the sun?"

"Yeah, they knew. That's why they did it. I guess maybe they didn't know they could have killed him, but that doesn't make any damn bit better."

"He wouldn't really die from being in the sun, would he?" Lily asked. She sounded so concerned.

"Yeah, he would. It's like any other allergy. People die from allergies like peanuts and bees all the time if they're exposed to more than their body can handle. Eli's fine in the sun for a little while. He can go to school and have ten minutes outside at recess and stuff like that, but no more than a half an hour at a time or it gets dangerous for him. The more time he's out, the worse it gets."

Kyle scooted a little closer and wrapped his arms around my waist. Jennifer and Lily joined in the hug.

"We're here for you, Josie," Jennifer said softly. "You can always talk to us."

Kyle nodded against my stomach and Lily hugged me a little tighter.

I took a moment to let myself relax and enjoy the warmth of their friendship. Jennifer had been right; I could trust these three people to stick with me no matter what. I hoped they knew I'd be there for them just the same.

"Thanks, guys. I feel a lot better."

Kyle pulled back and took my hands again. Jennifer and Lily sat back as well. We stayed in the park for a while longer until Jennifer's mom called saying she needed to go home for dinner. She lived just a few houses down, so she left and Kyle took Lily and me home.

"Everything will be okay," he said as he pulled up in front of my house. He took my hand and squeezed my fingers.

I looked at him and smiled. "I know it will. It's just getting there that's the bitch."

He nodded. "Yeah." He leaned over and kissed me. "Tell your brother I said to hang in there, okay?"

"I will. I should go in. I'll see you tomorrow." I gave him one more kiss and got out. He waited until I had the door open before he left.

I was happy to see Eli up and at the table when I walked in. He was eating some soup Mom had made for him. I kissed his head and got some soup for myself, then I sat next to him.

"How are you?" I asked.

"I'm okay."

"Good. Kyle says to hang in there. It'll be better soon."

He nodded. "I know."

His resilience made me happy and sad at the same time. I hated that he had to go through this at all.

I stayed up for a while longer with everyone. We played a few games together, then Eli went to bed.

* * *

It seemed lately a lot of things pissed me off. Things I could usually ignore before all this shit happened. Trish hadn't let up on calling me names because I wasn't a slut, so I went ahead and helped myself to calling her every name I could think of at every opportunity I got on Tuesday. I stopped calling her by her name. Her new name was Slutbag. She didn't like it one bit, and I actually laughed in her face when she thought I might give a fuck about that.

I only talked to my very closest friends. I wasn't in a chatty mood. It was at lunch on Wednesday when I overheard someone's conversation. The guy didn't usually sit at our table. I'd met him several times but I couldn't remember if he was someone I liked or not. Listening to what he was saying, I decided he was on my list of people I really, truly hated.

"So this chick tells me I can't touch her or even talk about sex because she'd been raped before. She told me it was PTSD, like that was really a reason I couldn't grope her." He laughed.

I tried so hard to ignore the dumbass fuck. I couldn't remember his name. I thought maybe it started with a P. Phillip? Peter? I didn't know. What I did know was that Phillip or Peter or Patrick or Whoever-The-Fuck was about to get an ass-whooping he wouldn't soon forget if he didn't shut up. My dad had taught me how to throw a punch. Granted, he did it so I'd know how to protect myself, but that didn't mean I couldn't use the knowledge against this dumbfuck.

"I tried to touched her anyway, and she started crying and begging me to stop. I asked her why the fuck doesn't she just let it go? Wouldn't that be easier than remembering it all the time? That just made her cry harder."

"It's not that easy," I said. I looked up at him. I noticed Kyle and some others look at me funny. "Do you just not understand what PTSD is? It's what people experience after a trauma. Do you know what a trauma is? It's not anything anyone just forgets."

Kyle's hand on my arm shocked me. His fingers were so warm. I pulled my arm back quickly and stood up. I wanted to just walk away. Leave and don't come back and forget about this jerk and his ignorance.

"Josie, wait." Kyle got up and grabbed my wrist. "Baby, are you okay? You feel hot." He touched my forehead with the back of his hand.

I pulled back and ripped my hand from his grasp. "I'm fine."

"How do you know so much about PTSD?" the guy whose name I couldn't remember asked.

I laughed and turned to look at him. "I know what the letters stand for, dumbass. Post-_traumatic_ stress disorder. Jesus, do your fucking homework."

"I think it's more than that. Do you have it? Are you going to cry like a little baby if I ask the wrong question?"

I should have walked away. All I could think about was my mother and her horrible nightmares. I remembered waking up when I was younger hearing her screaming and my dad trying to comfort me instead of her because if he tried to wake her up it would make it worse. I didn't understand how, but he always said her monster didn't like it when he tried.

Kyle said something. It sounded like he was telling the other kid to shut up. The other kid didn't shut up. He was mocking me, rubbing his eyes and pretending to cry like he thought I might.

I'd seen my mother break down on occasion. It didn't happen often, but I remembered once when I was twelve years old. Eli was seven. We were at a flea market when I came across a drawing of a little girl on a swing. It had an ornate frame and a signature I couldn't make out scrawled in the lower left corner. I really liked it. I thought the colors were beautiful. I showed it to Mom and she got this blank look on her face like someone had just told her the dog was dead again. She bought the drawing and said our shopping was over. She rushed us out to the car where she spent ten full minutes sobbing into the steering wheel. Later that day she told us that the drawing was one Grandpa Edward had done. It was the first and only one she'd ever seen since his death.

I didn't feel myself moving. I heard someone yelling, but I couldn't make out the words. It was like everything around me was in slow motion and the sound was muted like in the movies. I saw the face of the kid, his eyes wide, and I felt pain in my right hand.

Suddenly everything came rushing back to me when someone grabbed my arms and another person's arm wrapped around my waist. There was screaming and yelling and a crowd chanting "Fight! Fight!" A few teachers with name badges around their necks yelled at me with angry, disappointed looks on their faces. All I cared about was the face of the unknown kid as he sat on the ground wiping blood from his nose. I stared at him, entirely too satisfied to see real tears in his eyes.

I was taken to the principal's office where I was given a huge lecture about fighting. I was told the person I hit was Peter Rasmussen. The principal, the school councilor, and two teachers came in to talk to me about what happened. I told them all the same thing. Peter was being an asshole talking about PTSD like it was something to be made fun of, and I couldn't remember making the decision to hit him.

The lectures were finally over when the principal told me I was being suspended for two days and that my parents were coming to get me. I closed my eyes, and for the first time, I regretted what I'd done. I could only imagine the look on Mom's and Dad's faces. They would know this wasn't some bipolar shit; they had to. I was just really stressed lately after what happened to Eli and the Peter fucker struck a nerve with his teasing. That was all it was.

Whether they would know that or not, as I waited for my parents to get me I started to get really worried. At the absolute best, they'd be disappointed and have their own lectures with me. I'd probably get grounded and sentenced to family-style community service. Dad had been talking about painting the house; he didn't like the pale yellow color it was now and thought it would look much better with tan. I didn't want to get stuck painting the fucking house.

I was already in tears when the door opened. Mom and Dad walked in with a third person behind them. I looked up and a sort of doom settled over me when I saw Josh there. On one hand, I was so happy to see him. I had almost come to the conclusion that the surprise he'd talked about was him coming here. On the other hand, I was already ashamed and scared enough to face my parents. I didn't want to have to deal with his questions, too.

"Baby, what happened?" Dad asked.

I got up and shoved myself into him. His arms wrapped around me so tightly and for a brief moment I could pretend nothing horrible had happened. All too soon, he pulled back and asked the question again.

"Can we go home first?" I asked. I knew they'd already been given the basic summary that I'd gotten into a fight with some kid.

Dad nodded. He and Mom had to deal with some school things, so they went to talk to the principal. Josh sat down next to me.

"Surprise," he said with mock enthusiasm.

I sniffled. "Hi, Josh. I thought I wouldn't get my surprise until the first of March."

"Yeah. With everything going on with Eli, we all decided it would be best if I came out a few days earlier. I came to help Uncle Jake with the office out here." He rubbed my back.

"So you're staying?" I asked hopefully.

He nodded. "Yep. I'm here to stay. I even found an apartment all my own. I can't move in until the first of March, so I'm crashing on your couch until then."

"That's great." I wiped my nose and leaned into him a little. "I'm happy about that."

"Is everything okay, Josie? I know that's a really stupid question when you just got suspended for beating some poor kid up, but I'm serious. Are you okay?"

I shrugged. "I think so. I'm scared about facing my parents when we get home, though. And he wasn't a poor kid; he was a jerk and an asshole and he deserved every second of it."

He stiffened beside me. "Did he hurt you?"

I kind of smiled. "No, he didn't hurt me. He was talking about PTSD like it was a joke, and it pissed me off."

"Yeah, that'd piss me off, too." He hugged my shoulders, pulling me into him a little more. "I'm sure your parents will understand. I'm not saying you won't get in trouble; I'm just saying I think they'll get where you were coming from."

I nodded. "Yeah. Thanks."

Mom and Dad came back a few minutes later, and soon we were on our way home. In the car, I tried not to think about the deafening silence or what was surely going to come when we got in the house. I didn't want to open my door. Dad didn't give me a choice; he opened it for me and held out his hand. I took it and held on it until we were in the house. I saw Dad give Mom a look. She nodded and took Josh upstairs to check on Eli.

Dad sighed and gestured to the couch. I swallowed thickly and sat. He sat beside me and took my hand again.

"So tell me what happened."

I cleared my throat. "Well, um . . . There was this kid. Peter, I guess his name is. He was talking about a girl he went out with and how she told him she'd been raped. He said she told him she didn't want to talk about it or anything because of PTSD. Then he said he touched her anyway and made her cry, and I got so mad." My fists clenched and my stomach ached from how angry I was getting again. "I tried to tell him, but then he was making fun of me and PTSD, and all I could think about was Mom. I remember standing up, but I don't remember walking over to him."

Dad nodded and hugged me. "Honey, I think you know what I think about this."

"I'm not bipolar. I'm not." I shook my head. "It's just all this that's going on with Eli, and I haven't been sleeping very well. I'm stressed and . . . and it was Mom! You can't tell me you wouldn't hit someone if they were making fun of Mom; I've seen you do it." It had happened once a long time ago, but it still happened.

"Yeah, I would. But that kid wasn't. How many of your friends even know about your mom?"

"He wasn't my friend. They all know about the photosensitivity, but I haven't told anyone about the PTSD. I don't think it's any of their business." I looked down at my lap and sucked in a breath. "But I'm serious, Dad. I'm not going crazy and I'm not bipolar. I don't need therapists and pills and all that shit. I just need a few days to relax and catch up on my sleep."

He stared at me for a few long minutes before he nodded. "Okay. But I'm watching you, Josie. I'm not playing around with this shit."

"I don't expect you to."

He hugged me again and kissed my head. "Let's go get your mom and talk about what we're going to do with you."

I dragged my feet upstairs behind Dad. He knocked on Eli's door and gestured for Mom to come out with us. I met Josh's eyes for a brief moment. He smiled sadly. I followed my parents into my room where they could discuss my fate. We sat on my bed and Dad explained what I had told him.

"We can't just let you get away with this even if the boy was a jerk," Mom said. She held my hand and squeezed my fingers.

I nodded. "I know."

Dad sat on my other side and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. His hands were clasped together and he rested his chin on his knuckles. "I think you should be grounded for the time you're suspended."

I groaned. "But that's two days!"

"I could ground you for two weeks," he pointed out. Mom nodded.

"Ugh. Okay, two days is fair."

"What do you think, Ness?"

Mom rubbed the back of my hand with her thumb. "Two days is good, but you have to help me do some cleaning out of closets. I was going through them trying to find some good blankets for Josh and I realized what a horrible mess they are."

A horrible mess to Mom was what most other people considered a bit of clutter. Cleaning the closets wouldn't be that bad. "I might live through that." It was a lot better than what I had feared before.

* * *

We spent the rest of the night in the living room talking and making jokes. Eli sat in Josh's lap for most of the time. Josh and Dad talked a lot about the business. Dad had been thinking about hiring someone else but when Aunt Leah heard that he needed someone she suggested Josh. Josh was all for it and agreed, and of course Dad thought it was a great idea. We talked more about what had happened with me at school and why I got suspended. I still got angry talking about the fuckwad I hit. It wasn't as intense as before, but my chest tightened up when I talked about how I had felt.

Eli was adorable and reached over to pat my hand on my knee. "I would have hit him, too, Josie."

Mom and Dad both chided him, but he didn't take it back. Josh just smiled and gave me a look that said he agreed. Eli started yawning around eight-thirty, so Mom took him upstairs to get ready for bed. We all gave him careful hugs goodnight. His skin was still very red, but it was starting to heal.

Dad and Josh got up to go to the kitchen. I heard them talking but couldn't make out what they were saying. It seemed a little odd to me that they would lower their voices, but I didn't try to spy. I stayed on the couch contemplating going to bed as well. When the guys came back, Josh announced he wasn't tired and would maybe watch a movie. He asked me if I wanted to watch one with him. I caught the look Dad gave him. It was like a watery version of the looks he gave to Kyle. Josh gave Dad a look of his own, one that was overly angelic and innocent.

I raised my eyebrow. Whatever was going on between them was at least amusing to watch. I decided to stay up with Josh. I really wasn't that tired. Or maybe I was and I just didn't want to recognize it yet. Josh picked out a zombie movie and Mom and Dad went to bed.

Josh sat next to me on the couch after he started the movie. He was so annoying when he kept making stupid comments about the zombies and the people trying to escape them. He wondered three or four times out loud why they didn't try to eat each other and if they didn't eat anything if they would die again. I told him to shut up a few times but it only resulted in him doing it more. I elbowed him lightly in the ribs.

"You're so mean to me," he complained with a fake pout.

"Maybe I wouldn't be if you stopped being annoying."

He chuckled and poked my side. "You wouldn't like me nearly half as much if I wasn't irritating. What if I was boring and all _mature_?"

I wrinkled my nose. "Yeah, you're right. Pain-in-the-ass Josh is much better than responsible Josh."

"I thought you'd say that."

I leaned into him, and he put his arm around my shoulders. We finished the movie, and I tried to just ignore his lame comments. When the movie was over, we just sat there for a while. He made even more comments about the names in the credits. I smiled and thought about how great it was that he was here now. It would have been even better if everyone had moved with him, but I was okay with it being just him. I thought of something and looked up at him.

"Hey, Josh?"

He hummed. "Yeah?"

"What about that girl?"

He cocked his head to the side. "What girl?"

"That one you like? When I was there for Christmas break, you talked about that one girl you wanted to date but she had a boyfriend. Won't you miss her if you're living here now?"

He was oddly quiet for a few minutes. I wondered if I'd struck a nerve. I hoped not. I didn't want him to clam up and drive a wedge between us again. A moment later he cleared his throat and rubbed my arm.

"Remember when I said she lived a ways away?" I nodded. "See, the thing is that I'm actually closer to her now. She's still got that boyfriend and she's still happy with him, but this way I get to see her a lot more."

I nodded again, but I was confused. I couldn't think of any friends Josh would have this far north. "How do you know someone out here?"

He was quiet again. I could almost see the moment he decided what to say. His face lit up like he had a brilliant idea. "College. She moved away after college."

He was lying to me. It was there on his face, plain as day. I didn't know what the truth was, but the fact that he felt like he had to hide it from me hurt. I didn't call him out on it. I didn't let him know I knew. It was bad enough as it was, I didn't want to start a fight over this. I just hummed.

"Well, I'm glad you'll get to see her more often then. I'm getting tired. Goodnight." I got up and went upstairs.

I laid in bed for a long while wondering what I'd done that made Josh think he couldn't trust me with the truth. Did he think he couldn't tell me he'd miss the girl he liked? Or maybe she was someone he met doing something he didn't want me to know about. Or maybe there wasn't a girl at all and Josh had just told me all that to get me to leave him alone about the girlfriend thing.

That wasn't it. There was a girl. I knew there was because his face when we'd talked about it at Christmas was so sincere and honest. He'd been telling me the truth back then. Maybe he didn't want me to know how much he'd really miss her. It wasn't like he'd come out here just for me; didn't he know I would understand if he was a little heartbroken over the whole thing?

I took a deep breath and turned on my side to hug my stuffed Faith. There was no use agonizing over it. For whatever reason, Josh had lied. I would just get over it and not ask him about that girl anymore. Simple as that.

* * *

A/N: It seems our Josie is in denial about a few things, eh? Thanks for reading! I've been horrible at responding to reviews, but I promise I'll do better if you keep sending them!


	17. Leave it Alone

A/N: Has it really been four months? Damn. A thousand apologies, my friends. Hopefully there're a few readers out there still interested in this story.

Okay, now let's move on to more pressing issues. First and foremost, who the hell knows when I'm going to update again. Could be next week, could be in another four months. To those of you stick around and keep reading, you have my undying gratitude.

Second, I had an outline, and I'm still going to stick to that outline as much as possible, but something happened in this chapter that was very much unexpected. It will undoubtedly take me to new territory to explore, which I will warn you now not everyone will like/agree with. I welcome polite reviews telling me how much you disagree with the opinions and choices of me as the author and my characters. I promise we can take it and we won't attack back.

I'd like to thank my wonderful pre-readers and great friends WolfGirl1335 and ReneeFF. Thanks so much ladies.

Enjoy the chapter :)

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Seventeen

Leave it Alone

_I can't control my anger and  
I've been about to explode  
Far too many times  
No matter how you try to define it  
Ease your mind, this moment will pass if you just  
Leave it alone, leave it alone every time  
My dysfunction is on your mind_

-Leave it Alone – Disturbed

* * *

_**Josie**_

"What happened yesterday, baby?" Kyle asked.

I sighed and gripped the phone tighter. "It wasn't anything."

He huffed. "That's the biggest lie I've ever heard. Josie, you can tell me. Are you okay?"

I shrugged one shoulder even though he couldn't see me. "I'm fine, Kyle. I just kind of freaked out for a minute. I'm fine." My chest was already starting to get tight with irritation. I took a deep breath to clear it. It only helped a little.

"Well, I'm not trying to say the guy didn't deserve it, but you sure got him good. He didn't come to school today. He was probably too embarrassed after getting his ass kicked by a girl."

"I keep telling you boys that gender has nothing to do with it. I'm badass because I'm badass, but do you believe me?" I smiled when he laughed. "Anyway, I've got to go help my mom with some stuff."

"Okay. Call me later. Maybe I can come over sometime?"

I pursed my lips. I wanted to see him, but I wanted it to be when Dad wasn't around. "I'll see if I can come over to your house over the weekend. No promises, though. I _am_ grounded." I hoped my sentence didn't include the weekend.

"That'd be cool. Let me know."

I agreed and we hung up. I took another deep breath and closed my eyes for a second. Kyle wasn't the only one of my friends who was concerned and asked me what had happened. I wasn't even sure how to explain it, so I chose not to. I told everyone I was fine and that I just gave the bastard what he deserved. I only felt comfortable talking about it to my family.

I put the phone down on the nightstand and got up to see what else Mom needed help with. We'd already done the hall closet and started on her bedroom closet before she released me for a break.

After Mom and I finished cleaning the house, we decided what to do for dinner. I found myself smiling more often at the thought of Josh being there that night. Dad and I were going to help him get moved in to his new apartment on Saturday, but I had him for the next few days.

"What are you so happy about?" Mom asked as we cut up some carrots and peppers.

I shrugged nonchalantly. "No reason. Can't a girl smile?" I didn't have any reason to be so happy, but I wasn't going to question it. Being happy was all the more proof that I wasn't bipolar.

"Of course a girl can. I'm happy to see it." She smiled at me and went back to her peppers.

Once we got everything going, I went up to check on Eli. He was doing so much better. His skin was still red, but the rash was fading. I sat in his room with him for a while and teased him about how all his toys were gathering dust. He scowled at me, but he knew it was all in fun. He was able to get up and around, but Mom insisted he didn't unless he had to. He complained that she was babying him too much.

"At least she's not using you for slave labor," I commented.

He smiled. "I think I'd prefer that."

I ruffled his hair. "Go punch someone in school. That's all I had to do."

"I could punch Brady."

"Please do. Give him a really good beating so I'm not so tempted anymore."

He laughed. "Okay."

"Are you telling your brother to beat someone up?" Mom asked from the doorway, her voice light.

I looked over at her sheepishly. "Only hypothetically."

She came over and sat on the edge of the bed next to me. "You got off easy, Josie."

"I'm sure I did."

"How are you, honey?" she asked Eli.

He shrugged. "Getting better. Can't I get up?"

Mom combed her fingers through his hair. "You know you can get up if you want; I just don't want you to run around the house or go outside."

"But that's what I mean by 'get up.'"

She smiled. "Not until you're better."

"Take advantage of it, kid," I advised him. "There will come a day pretty soon when being sick or hurt won't get you a free pass to being lazy all day long."

"Your sister's right."

Eli rolled his eyes. "Who says I _wanted_ to be lazy all day long?"

I patted his leg. "You'll change your mind soon enough."

Dad and Josh got home shortly after Mom said dinner was done. Josh insisted on helping to set the table. I would have argued if I wasn't so damn happy he was there to take the plates out of my hands to begin with. Instead, I got some silverware and followed him around the table setting everything in place.

I didn't talk much throughout dinner. I was insanely curious about how Josh and Dad were working together, and thankfully Eli asked all the questions. I kept my mouth shut and listened as Dad and Josh answered him. It was a lot more boring than I had imagined. I wanted to imagine Josh actually working on something with his hands rather than putting numbers in a book. I had already known that was exactly what he was doing; I wasn't sure why I had hoped for any other story.

After dinner, Dad and Josh cleaned up and I went to the living room with Eli. He was restless and wanted to do something, so I played a few video games with him. Josh wanted to join in when they were done cleaning. I gave him my paddle and let him battle Eli. I sat on the couch behind them and watched as they challenged and insulted each other. It was so good to see Eli smile and laugh.

As they played, I remembered my conversation with Kyle earlier that day. I got up and walked down the hall to Mom and Dad's room. They sat on the bed looking through one of the photo albums. I knocked lightly on the door.

Mom looked up and smiled. "Hey, sweetie."

"Hey. Can I ask you guys a question?"

Dad patted the side of the bed. "What's up?"

I went to sit down. "Am I grounded through the weekend?" I asked.

Dad raised an eyebrow. "That depends on why you're asking."

I frowned; that was a stupid answer. "Because I want to go see Kyle."

"Then yes, you are."

Mom gave him a look. "No, honey, you're not. We talked about this, Jake."

He grumbled but gave in. "All right, fine, you're not. But you still don't get to spend all day over there."

"I don't want to stay all day. I just want to go see him for a little while. A few hours at most."

"Okay."

I beamed. "Thanks." I met Mom's eyes and she gave me a secretive smile.

I left the room. Josh and Eli had changed to one of our gory shooting games. I sat back on the couch and did my best to distract Josh as often as possible to give Eli a fighting chance.

* * *

Saturday morning we had to get up bright and early to help Josh move into his new apartment. He didn't have much at our house, but Mom had made it her personal mission to help get him settled. Sometimes I swear she thought Josh and Hannah were her kids. I supposed it shouldn't have been surprising; there had been plenty of times when Aunt Leah went all Mama Bear for Eli and me. Since Eli couldn't go anywhere yet, Dad had decided Mom would stay home with him and he and I would do the dirty work.

What Josh did have at the house was either still in his car or already packed in his suitcase by the time I dragged my ass downstairs and ate some breakfast. Mom tried to rush me to get dressed so we could go. Saturday wasn't meant for rushing. Besides, it wasn't like I was in any great hurry to get Josh out of the house. Even though I knew I would be able to see him a lot, I didn't want him to go.

I was in the bathroom doing my hair and makeup when Josh appeared in the doorway.

"You have to primp to help your cousin move?" he asked.

I scrunched my nose at him. "No, I don't have to. I feel like being pretty today."

"You're pretty everyday."

I looked at him for a second then I pretended to gag. "That's something a guy would say to placate his ugly-ass girlfriend."

Josh chuckled. "I'll remember that."

"Did Dad send you up here to hurry me?" I leaned forward to put on some mascara.

"No. He's talking to Aunt Ness. I was bored and decided to come bug you."

"You have a way of making me feel special, Josh." I stuck my tongue out at him.

He laughed again and shifted his weight against the door frame. The jerk was so tall his head almost hit the top of it.

"How tall are you now, anyway? Eleven feet?"

He snorted. "Six-five. And you're what? Four feet?" He reached out and put his hand on my head.

I pushed him away. "Fuck off."

"You're so mean to me, Josie. I'm going to see if I can annoy Eli. He's cooler than you."

I scoffed. "Not in a million years."

He left me alone and I smiled to myself as I finished getting ready.

Josh's new apartment wasn't far from our house. It was in a nice complex with clean grounds and tall, tan buildings. Each apartment had its own balcony. Josh was in the third building on the second floor. Dad and Josh talked about the building and its structure the whole time we carried things in and put them in whichever room they belonged.

I was bored as hell after we got everything in and they continued to talk. Dad had to take a full tour of the place and inspect everything. He'd done the same thing with our house when we'd moved out here. He tried to drag me along with him, but I wasn't remotely interested. I sat on the counter in the kitchen and checked my email on my phone.

Lily had forwarded a bunch of prayer things to me. She did it all the time; anything she thought was cute or sweet, she'd send my way. Some of them were nice. Jennifer and Kaylie had both sent me emails asking about Wednesday even though I'd already talked to them on the phone and said it was nothing. It seemed every single one of my friends who I talked to on a regular basis had emailed, called, or texted me several times asking about my fight with the kid in the lunchroom. It was getting really annoying.

I was reading an email from Hannah when my phone buzzed with a text. It was from Kyle.

_Hey, babe. Are you coming over this weekend?_

I smiled. _Yeah, coming over tomorrow._

_Great. Time?_

I pursed my lips. _Don't know yet. I'll call you in the morning?_

_Okay. Can't wait to see you. I miss your beautiful face._

I snorted. _Just my face?_

_You know what I mean._

I couldn't help but smile again. _Yeah, I guess I do._

"Come help us get this stuff upstairs," Dad said.

I looked up at him and quirked an eyebrow. "We already got everything."

"Not the stuff being delivered. Come on."

I groaned internally at the thought of more work and slipped off the counter. I stuffed my phone in my pocked and shuffled toward the door.

"Did you think you'd get rid of me that easily?" Josh asked as we walked down the stairs. "I do need shit like furniture, you know."

"I guess I hadn't thought of that." For some dumb reason, I'd expected it all to be there already.

"Mom sent them out so they'd be delivered today. You and Uncle Jake get to help me put stuff together!" He said it like it was the most exciting thing in the world.

"Yay." I didn't even try to sound enthusiastic.

There was a delivery truck already half unloaded when we got downstairs. Dad handed me a few smaller boxes.

It took five and a half trips and a hell of a lot of maneuvering to get everything in. Once it was all in, it took us almost three hours to get shit like Josh's bed and a few bookshelves assembled so he could sleep and put some things away. It was almost six o'clock by the time we were done. Well, done-ish. There was still a lot left to do, but the most important stuff had been taken care of.

"Thanks for all your help today, Josie," Josh said as Dad and I got ready to leave.

"It was slave labor," I grumbled.

Josh smiled. "Either way." He hugged me tightly. "Have a good night."

"You too."

Dad and Josh said goodbye, then we went home. I got a little sad when I thought about Josh being all alone in his new apartment. I wondered if he was lonely. As soon as I got home, I went upstairs to my bedroom and texted him.

_Lonely yet?_

It took him almost ten minutes to answer. _How can I get lonely if I have you to talk to? _

_Well, you never know. That apartment is kind of big._

_I'm fine, Josie. I've got my TV and game system, so I'm set._

I smiled. _Okay. Kill some zombies for me._

_You got it._

I got up and went downstairs to figure out something to eat and decide what I was going to do for the rest of the evening.

* * *

I woke up the next morning completely irritated for no reason. I looked at the clock and groaned; I shouldn't wake up before ten o'clock on a day I didn't have school, but here it was only eight. I couldn't go back to sleep which only upset me more. I got out of bed bothered by the way my pajamas had shifted in the night. I straightened my shirt and grunted in annoyance as I put my feet in my slippers I kept by my bed. My hair pissed me off just because it was tangled. I grabbed a hair tie sitting on my desk and pulled it all up in a messy pony tail.

I shuffled downstairs and found myself inwardly scowling at my parents sharing their lovey-dovey looks. Dad was getting ready for work. I sat down at the table next to Eli.

"Morning, Josie," he said cheerily.

"Morning, Shithead," I groaned back.

"Be nice to your brother," Mom chided.

I laid my forehead on the table and silently told her to shut up. I didn't feel like being nice to anybody. I closed my eyes and listened as Dad said goodbye to everyone and left.

"Are you hungry, honey?" Mom asked as she sat down on the other side of the table.

I shrugged without sitting back up. "Not really." Food sounded annoying.

"Did you sleep okay?"

"I guess."

Mom hummed. I knew that hum. It was her "I'll figure out what's wrong eventually" hum. I squeezed my eyes shut and fought the urge to tell her to keep her fucking nose out of it. I was fine. Probably just PMS-ing or something.

"Okay, well you know where the cereal is when you want breakfast." She got up and left the room.

"What's with you?" Eli asked.

I sighed and shook my head against the table. "Nothing."

"Just being a jerkface again?"

"Fuck you."

"That's illegal."

I sat up and stared at him. "Don't start that, you little shit." I got up and went back upstairs to my bedroom.

I sat on my bed and took a few deep breaths. I hated this feeling like every little thing pissed me the fuck off. The papers on my desk that I didn't put away the night before were so fucking aggravating just because they were out. The alarm clock on the table beside my bed pissed me off because it was too goddamn early.

I growled to my self and got up to go to the window. I pulled the curtain back and squinted against the sunlight. It looked like a nice day. I grimaced because it was that stupid sunlight that started all this. If it weren't for the sun and photosensitivity, Eli wouldn't have gotten hurt and I'd still be irritable but not fucking angry all the time.

I let the curtain go and went to get my phone. I texted Kyle to see what time I could come over. Maybe seeing him would help. I missed him and all my friends. Who knew getting kicked out of school for a few days would have any drawbacks. I did feel a little better when he said he was up and I could come over any time. I took another deep breath and went to take a shower and get ready.

I opted to walk to Kyle's instead of getting a ride. I hoped it would help if I got some fresh air. Katherine answered the door with a big smile on her face.

"Hi, honey. Come on in. Kyle's in the kitchen."

I nodded my thanks and went to find my boyfriend. I heard both his and his dad's voices as I approached. It was clear from their tones that they were arguing. I felt a little awkward as I entered and knocked on the door. They both turned to look at me.

Kyle grinned widely. "Hey, Josie. You made it." He came up and hugged me.

"Of course I did. I told you I would." I stood up tall to kiss him.

He glanced once at his dad before leading me out to the living room. We sat next to each other on the couch.

"Is everything okay?" I asked him. I really didn't like Robert. He seemed like the kind of dad who disapproved of everything his son did.

He nodded. "Yeah, everything's fine. My dad's just being a douche again."

"I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "Don't be. How are you? I've missed you." He leaned in and kissed my cheek.

"I'm okay. My cousin came up from Arizona to help my dad with the business. We helped him move into his apartment yesterday."

Kyle didn't seem thrilled. "Oh. Your guy cousin. The older one?"

I smirked. "Yes, the tall, gorgeous one. You're so cute when you're jealous." I rubbed his arm.

"He's helping your dad with the company. Where does your dad work?"

"Clearwater Construction. My dad, my aunt, and her brother own it. My cousin's helping with the accounting bullshit. It's really not that interesting." I waved my hand. I didn't want to spend my time with Kyle talking about my dad's boring-ass business.

"That's cool that he owns it." He lowered his voice. "Sometimes I wonder if my dad would be less of a dick if he was more than an employee."

"Lawyers make a shit-ton of money; how can he not be happy with that?"

Kyle shrugged. "Because he's a dick."

I nodded. "Sure." I scooted closer to Kyle and turned to lay back against him. "Enough boring shit. What are we going to do today?"

"Are you still prohibited from being alone with me?"

"Yes. Sometimes I think my dad won't ever let me go."

"You'll be eighteen someday, then he can't ground you anymore."

I snorted. "Watch him."

"Nah. I think I'd rather have hope." He slid closer to me and put his arm around my back. "In the meantime, we could talk or ask my mom to come with us on a walk, or we could watch a movie."

I leaned my head on his shoulder. "Those all sound incredibly boring. I don't know what I want to do. Something . . . I don't know."

He rubbed my back for a moment. "Are you okay, baby?" He kissed the side of my head.

I shrugged. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. You feel warm." He put his hand on my face.

I pushed him back and sat up straight. "Knock it off. I'm fine."

"You felt warm before, too. On Wednesday before you hit that kid. Are you getting sick?"

I felt like I had too much in my chest. It started to hurt from all the pressure building up. "Really? I said I'm fine, dammit."

"Baby, I'm worried. I just want to make sure you're okay."

I turned to look at him. "I've told you a thousand times that I'm fine! Why don't you believe me?"

He sat up straighter and reached out to take my hand. "Because you don't seem okay. I can tell there's something bothering you. What is it?"

My teeth clenched. I took my hand from his a little quicker than I meant to and stood up. "Goddammit, Kyle, why can't you just leave it alone? If I say I'm okay, that means I'm okay. I freaked out and hit a kid because he pushed me too far."

"Is it because he was right? Do you have PTSD over something?"

"That is none of your fucking business." I took three steps backward. "I am so . . . so angry!" My fists clenched and my eyes watered. I wanted to calm down. I didn't like this rage eating at my chest like fire. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and took a deep breath.

"Josie, I'm sorry." Kyle's voice was soft and concerned.

I looked at him and saw how worried he was. I couldn't tell if he was just worried for me or if he was scared I might hit him like I did the other kid. I had to do something to get this under control. I closed my eyes tightly for a moment and counted to ten like Dad said he did a lot. It did help. I felt a little calmer.

I looked at him again. "No, you don't need to be. I've been so mean. You don't deserve that." I went to sit beside him again and let him hold my hand when he reached out. I stared at our hands for a moment before I looked up into his eyes. "It's my mom." I sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

Kyle's brow furrowed. "Your mom?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "Her dad died when she was seventeen. It was sudden and unexpected. It ripped her apart. For a long time she blamed herself for it. She has these dreams . . . these really terrible nightmares. It's been almost twenty years and it still haunts her. Do you know what it's like watching your mom cry over something like that? Hearing her scream in her sleep."

Kyle pulled me close and hugged me tightly. "No, I don't. Josie, that's terrible."

"My whole family is so fucked up, Kyle. My mom, my brother, my dad . . . maybe even me, I don't know."

"You're not fucked up." He kissed my cheek.

I looked up at him. "You don't know that. I'm sorry I'm such a bitch. You deserve better than that." I snuggled into him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"That better not be a break-up line."

I smiled. "No, it's a 'thank you for putting up with me' line."

He made me look up at him and kissed my lips. "You're stuck with me, baby."

I pushed his hair out of his eyes and kissed him back. "I'm glad to hear it."

He shook his head to make the hair fall right back where it had been. I narrowed my eyes at him and he laughed. "Are you coming to school tomorrow?"

I laid back against him and ignored his stupid hair. "Yes. How many people have their own theories?"

He laughed again. "Everyone."

"Promise me you won't tell anyone what I told you."

He squeezed me lightly. "You have my word."

"Thank you." I turned my head and kissed his jaw. "I think we should watch a movie. The most violent, gory movie you have."

He patted my arm. "I know just the one."

I almost laughed when he got up and came back with the newest movie in the _Saw_ series. "I guess that'll do."

We went to the kitchen to get some snacks and drinks for the movie. Robert cast a glare in my direction. I met his eyes and glared right back. I wasn't sure if he thought he might be able to intimidate me, but I wasn't having any of it. I looked away when Kyle cleared his throat. I smiled sheepishly and took the bowl of popcorn. He followed me into the living room where he put the movie on. We snuggled on the couch eating our snacks while I laughed at the idiots making all the wrong choices to save their lives. It was only more entertaining when Kyle winced or shuddered. I had to wonder what it said about me that I actually enjoyed watching the people on the screen get killed in such creative ways.

* * *

Monday was an interesting day at school. If I thought having my friends call and text with their curious questions about what I referred to as "the incident" was bad, then I was not prepared at all for everyone else. I was still grumpy from the day before and didn't like one bit all the questions everyone had to ask.

Each and every one of my teachers had make up work for me to do. I wanted so badly to rip it up in their faces, but somehow I managed to resist.

Throughout the day I talked to my best friends and did my very best to keep from being so angry. I made it my personal rule to ignore the fuck out of Trish and her gang of whores. It was surprisingly easy.

When I got home after school, I did the homework I'd gotten for that day and worked on a few pages of the outrageously huge make up packet. When I got too frustrated to concentrate, I got up and called Josh. We talked for a while about shit.

Tuesday was a little better. I felt a little more like myself. Neither Jennifer nor Jason showed up in class. I texted her asking if she was having a nice sex day but she never responded. I realized Tuesday afternoon that I had become the subject of gossip thanks to the incident. I couldn't say it surprised me. Mostly what I heard was that I was a chick someone didn't want to mess with. I was okay with that. I liked that only a select handful of people I trusted knew the truth about what happened and why.

I was halfway through my make-up packet on Tuesday after school when my phone rang. I told myself to ignore it. It wasn't as important as my grades. The segment of the song I'd assigned as my ringtone repeated four times before it stopped. A few seconds later it began to ring again. I groaned and looked over at it sitting on my nightstand. I let it go to voicemail again and focused on my homework.

It was almost an hour later when my phone started to ring again. I only had two more pages left to work on, so I got up and walked over to the phone. Jennifer's name was on the caller ID. I picked it up and hit the answer button.

"Hey, Jen."

"Josie." I noticed immediately something was wrong. It was clear in her voice that she'd been crying. "I tried to call you, but you didn't answer. I'm having a crisis here and I need my best friend. I don't know what to do!" She sounded so panicked.

I sat on the edge of my bed. "I was doing some homework. What's wrong, Jen? What happened?"

"I'm in so much trouble. My mom won't even look at me and my dad's been yelling at me all day. He says I only have two options and one of them is to abort."

My brow furrowed. "Abort what?"

She sighed in frustration. "The baby. I'm pregnant."

I gasped. It took me a moment to really wrap my head around what she had just said. I never imagined I'd be best friends with someone who got pregnant at our age.

"Well, aren't you going to say anything?" she demanded. "Or are you pissed at me and disappointed like everyone else?"

I licked my lips and drew in a slow breath. "Jen, I'm not pissed. I'm shocked."

"You and me both. How does this even happen? I mean, I know _how_, but we used . . . y'know, _protection_. Every single time."

"Maybe it broke?" It was the only way I could think of. "Or maybe he only said he wore one and really didn't?" In which case he was a dead man.

"No, because I helped him put it on."

"Yeah, that was more information than I needed." I tried to mentally scrub the image out of my head.

"Sorry. But what am I going to do? My dad says we either have to get married or I have to abort. I talked to Jason today and told him." She paused for a second.

"What did he say?"

She whimpered. "He said he had to think about how he felt," she wailed. "He said it like he was really scared. I'm scared, too, but I really needed him to be strong for me. He wasn't strong at all."

"I hate to break it to you, Jen, but you can't expect him to just take that kind of news in stride and be okay with it. Give him a chance; maybe he'll come around. I think it's pretty stupid of your dad to expect you to get married. There has to be other options. What about adoption?"

"I don't want to give my baby up! Jason and I could be a real family, Josie. We could raise a baby."

I groaned. "You're sixteen; are you really ready to throw away the rest of your life to raise a baby?"

She scoffed. "I wouldn't be throwing anything away. I may not have all the details worked out, but Jason and I could do it."

I rubbed my forehead. I wasn't going to keep poking this bear. "If you say so. Just give Jason some time and let him decide how he feels about all this. Keep in mind that he might not like the idea of being a dad at sixteen." I couldn't imagine being pregnant. I hoped Jennifer put more thought into her other options before deciding that being a mom was the best one.

"Okay. You can't tell anyone, okay? Promise me."

"Of course I wouldn't say anything. It's not my place."

"Thanks. What am I going to do about my dad?"

"I'm afraid I'm no help there. If it were my dad, I'd listen to what he had to say then tell him what I was going to do whether it was one of my options or not." We'd gotten into more than one argument over my life choices but in the end he always respected that it was my choice. I wondered if the same would happen if I were pregnant or if he'd freak out on me like Jennifer's dad did on her.

She hummed. "You're right; you're no help."

"We all have our opinions, but in the end it's your life. That's all I'm going to say about that."

"All right. Thanks for listening, Josie."

"Sure. Are you coming to school tomorrow?"

She sighed. "I have to. My dad won't let me get out of it. He says I have to live with the consequences of my actions."

I didn't tell her that I agreed with her dad about that. "Okay. I've got to finish my homework. See you tomorrow."

We hung up, and I went back to my packet. As I finished up what little remained, my thoughts kept circling around my conversation with Jennifer. I was starting to get really curious about what my parents would do if I was in her situation. I wondered what I would do.

I put my pencil down and tried to imagine telling Kyle I was pregnant with his baby. I didn't think I knew him well enough to say what his reaction would be. Maybe he'd be happy. With his dad always on his ass about some predestined plan, I wondered if he'd be angry.

A knock on my bedroom door brought me out of my thoughts.

"Josie, dinner's ready," Mom called.

"Okay, I'll be down in a sec." I stuffed my packet in my backpack and put my other stuff away before heading downstairs.

Mom and Dad had cooked together tonight and made some chicken stuff with potatoes. It was pretty good. Eli was doing better, which made me happy. He and Dad did the most talking about a project for Eli's class.

After dinner, I helped Mom clean up. As I washed dishes and handed them to her to dry, I thought about how I might tell my parents if I was pregnant. Would I just spit it out, or would I be more cautious about it? I wondered how Jennifer found out. I probably didn't want to know.

"Is everything okay, honey?" Mom asked.

I looked over at her and smiled. "Yeah, everything's okay. I'm just thinking." I handed her a bowl and started on a plate.

"Anything you want to talk about?"

I shrugged one shoulder. Before I could decide exactly how to word what I wanted to say, my mouth opened and I heard myself talking. "What would you do if something really big happened and you weren't ready for it?"

She leaned against the counter with the dish towel in her hands and shrugged. "I guess that would depend on what that really big thing was." She took the plate from me and wrapped the towel around it. "Is something going on?"

"What if I came to you and told you I was pregnant?"

Her eyes widened, her mouth opened, and the plate in her hands dropped to the floor. We both jumped back as it landed with a loud crash and shattered into five pieces.

"Oh, shit," I cried. I reached down to start picking up the pieces.

"I thought you were waiting!" she all but shouted. I didn't get a chance to say anything else before Dad appeared in the doorway.

"What happened?" Dad asked, alarmed.

Mom glared at me for a second before looking at him. "I dropped a plate. It's nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing. What's wrong, Ness?"

"I said something that shocked her." I cursed myself for not thinking about what I said before I opened my mouth.

"What?"

"I asked her what she would do if I told her I was pregnant." Dammit! "But it's-"

"You're what?" Dad boomed. "That kid is dead."

"This time I have to agree with you," Mom said.

Well, that answers that question. "It's not like that!"

"How the fuck is it not like that?" It was clear in his eyes and his voice that I'd be grounded until I died and my boyfriend murdered.

"Dad-"

"Don't 'Dad' me. This is exactly why I told you that you couldn't be near that kid alone. Now look what he's done to you." He gestured to me like I was contaminated with some disgusting disease.

"But-"

Mom crossed her arms and interrupted me. "But nothing. This isn't something you can just apologize for. You have to make some very big decisions now whether you're ready to make them or not."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a second to make sure neither of them were going to talk over me this time. "I'm not pregnant!" I yelled, standing on my tiptoes like that would really make me easier to hear. "Jennifer is pregnant. I talked to her earlier today and what she said made me curious about what would happen if it was me. I'm glad to know I can count on my parents reacting like civilized human beings" I pushed past both of them and left the kitchen. I ran up the stairs and ignored Eli poking his head curiously out of his room. I slammed the door and pressed my back against it.

I thought about calling one of my friends but decided against it when I realized I'd only be whining about shit that didn't matter. So what if my parents reacted badly; it wasn't like I could expect them to congratulate me. It was my fault anyway for not paying more attention the words coming out of my mouth. It just hurt to know they'd get so angry if that did happen. I wondered if Jennifer's parents had done the same thing.

A tap on the door made me jump. I stepped away and turned around.

"Josie, can we come in?" Dad asked.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "If you must." Just because it was my fault didn't mean I wasn't angry.

The door opened and Mom and Dad came in. Mom walked up and wrapped her arms around me. I tried really hard to remain stoic and mad. I felt my defenses crack when she rubbed my back.

"I'm so sorry, honey," she whispered.

I gave in and hugged her back. Dad shut the door then went to sit on the bed. Mom and I pulled back from each other and sat next to him.

"What do you guys want?" I asked. I stared at my lap.

Dad leaned forward and clasped his hands together between his knees. "We wanted to apologize. We didn't listen very good downstairs."

I snorted. "You didn't listen at all downstairs."

"Yeah, that's true." He cleared his throat. "So Jennifer's pregnant?"

I nodded. "Yeah, she called me earlier today. She said her dad was being a jerk about it. The whole thing made me curious." I shrugged like it meant nothing. "I don't think I really meant to ask."

Mom rubbed my shoulder. "I should have listened to you, sweetheart."

I looked up at her. "Yeah, but I should have asked a different way."

"Probably." She smiled and took my hand. "I want you to know something, Josie. No matter how angry we get, your father and I will always love you. If you did get pregnant-"

"Which you won't," Dad interjected.

Mom gave him a look. "If you did, I'm not saying we wouldn't be angry or disappointed, but we would still be here for you like always." She patted the back of my hand. "And your dad wouldn't really kill the father."

Dad leaned back and patted my knee. "Yes I would."

I had to smile at the glare she threw at him. "Thanks, Mom. And Dad."

Dad wrapped his arms around Mom and me, squishing me between them. "Love you, Bug." He kissed my head.

"I'm not a bug, but I love you, too."

Dad sat back like he was honestly offended. "You've been my Bug since you were born and you'll be my Bug until the day I die. No boyfriend or growing up or anything else will change that."

I figured it would be useless to argue with him. "Okay, fine."

He stood up and held out his hand to Mom. She took it and stood up beside him. "We'll leave you alone now. We just wanted to clear up that misunderstanding."

I nodded. "Thanks."

They left and shut my door behind them. I took a deep breath and laid back on my bed to think about all the different things running through my head.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Let me know I still have a reader or two by dropping a review! :D


	18. Monster

A/N: Yay, I finished the chapter in less than four months!

Thanks a million to my fantastic pre-readers, ReneeFF and WolfGirl1335.

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank a few specific reviewers, dkgors and SLM84. You all own me, but these two ladies have a special place in my heart. Dkgors has been a loyal reviewer pretty much since I started writing Jake/Ness stories. Not only does she leave great reviews, but she also checks up on me when I'm gone for a long time. SLM84 is amazing. She leaves such thoughtful reviews and asks the best questions. Thank you both for being so wonderful!

And one more thank you to the rest of you; I appreciate every review and every reader.

Enjoy the chapter!

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Eighteen

Monster

_I feel it deep within,__  
__It's just beneath the skin__  
__I must confess that I feel like a monster__  
__I hate what I've become__  
__The nightmare's just begun__  
__I must confess that I feel like a monster_

-Monster – Skillet

* * *

_**Josie**_

"Good luck today, punk." I nudged Eli's shoulder as I passed him in the hall.

He ran up to me and flicked my arm. "Thanks, jerkface."

I smiled and ruffled his hair and challenged him to a race down the stairs. The little shit won.

"Are you guys ready to go yet?" Mom hollered. She smiled when she saw us standing at the bottom of the steps, all ready for school. Eli was finally able to go back. He was way more excited than he needed to be. "Okay, let's go."

I started looking for Jennifer as soon as I got out of the car. I found her at our locker. "Hey, how are you?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Fine, I guess."

"Anything new?"

She shook her head. "Nope." She stepped aside so I could get what I needed. "Everything's peachy."

"Sure, okay." I gave her a quick hug before I got my books, then we started walking to our first class.

As I sat in English and doodled on my paper while the teacher droned on about long-dead writers, I found it hard to believe that I had missed school during my break. I was already ready for another one. I wondered if I'd get off as easy if I hit someone else. I doubted it.

I tried to keep an eye on Jennifer without being obnoxious about it. I hated people hovering over me and I didn't want to do that to her. By lunch, I wanted to put her and Jason in a closet and make them work things out. The tension when they were in the same room, even when they weren't near each other, was unbearable.

When I got home that day, I talked to Mom and Eli a little bit about his day then I went upstairs to do my homework. I was halfway through my math assignment when my phone went off with a text. It was from Josh.

_Hey, Trouble. You need to come hang out sometime._

I smiled and texted back. _Name the time and place._

_My apartment, of course. Any time._

_I have a lot to do this week, but I can come over on Sunday._

_Cool. See you then._

When Mom called me down for dinner, I told her and Dad about going to see Josh that weekend.

"Mom, Dad?" Eli asked after everyone was at the table.

"What, honey?" Mom said.

"Can we get a dog? I think it's about time we got one."

I looked at him and raised my eyebrow.

Mom and Dad looked at each other. Mom smiled. "Maybe. We can look into it."

Eli grinned. "Great. We can get a really big one and name him Bruce Banner. And then we can get a spider and name it Peter Parker."

I snorted and shook my head.

"No spiders," Mom said a little too quickly. I'd almost forgotten she was deathly afraid of them. "No spiders, bugs, snakes, or any other creepy-crawly."

Dad laughed. "Snakes aren't technically a creepy-crawly since they don't crawl."

She pursed her lips. "They're creepy, and you knew what I meant."

I looked at Eli. "I'd bet you could keep a spider in the back yard or something."

Mom gave me a look. "My garden is in the back yard, and I'd have to look at it when I'm out there."

I shrugged. "The front porch then."

She shook her head. "It would escape and find its way in the house. I'd have a heart attack and kill it with a frying pan."

Eli laughed. "That would be funny."

Mom didn't think so. "Yes, because then your pet spider would be gone forever."

He made a face. "I could get a new one."

"You're just not getting one, period. A dog is one thing; I can allow that."

"What about in the shed?" Dad asked.

Mom gave him a dirty look. "Don't give him any ideas."

Eli was thrilled to have Dad on his side. "I could keep it in one of those terrarium things that it won't get out of."

Mom sighed. "It would still get out and I'd be the one to find it."

Dad reached out to touch her arm. "Calm down, babe. He doesn't need a spider." He smirked at Eli. I could see trouble on the horizon.

* * *

Sunday morning after breakfast, I left to spend some time with Josh. He let me in and hugged me tightly.

He had almost finished unpacking and putting everything away. Like any typical guy, he considered something put away when it was in the middle of the floor.

"I see you've been decorating," I said as I nudged a book with my foot.

"Hey, I put that there for a reason. I know where everything is and I can find shit when I need it."

"You need a maid, Josh." I bent down to pick up the book.

"Nah. I have you."

I turned and smacked his arm with the book. "If you think I'm cleaning up your shit, you're wrong."

He just smirked. Oh, I hated that smirk. He knew I'd get irritated enough with the books and clothes on the floor that I'd turn into my mother and put it all away. Damn him.

"So what's new with Josie?" he asked as he walked to the kitchen.

I took a moment to survey the room. There wasn't much on the floor. The clothes were probably dirty. It wouldn't take long to put them all in the washer. The books would be easy to throw on the bookshelf. That fucker knew me way too well.

"I'm going to kill you," I grumbled as I started gathering up the books.

Josh laughed. "You don't have to clean up my apartment."

"Yes I do, because you won't." He had ten or so books laying around. Who the hell needed ten books out at one time? I put them on the shelf and told myself to ignore the fact that they weren't in any particular order. How that man could live with this level of chaos had always baffled me.

"This isn't why you came over," he complained.

I stood up and looked at him. "Then help me."

He rolled his eyes and helped me gather up the three shirts and two pairs of pants strewn around the living room. We took them to his laundry closet in the hall.

"Dare I look in your room?" I asked.

He almost looked worried. "How about let's go sit on the balcony instead. It's a sunny day; it'll be nice."

I smiled and nodded. "Okay."

We stopped by the kitchen on the way where he handed me a bottle of lemonade and grabbed one for himself. The sun shone brightly and warmed everything around us. It felt good against my skin as we lounged in the plastic chairs he had set out. Josh put on some sunglasses and handed me his spare pair.

"You never answered me," he said as he twisted the metal top off his bottle. "What's new with you?"

I tried to do the same with mine but the ridges hurt my hand. I handed it to him and he opened it for me with a smirk.

"Nothing's really new. I still don't like school very much. My friends are still cool for the most part. Some of them are douchebags and some are twats, but a lot of them are nice. I still can't be alone with my boyfriend."

Josh laughed. "Uncle Jake's never going to let that go, is he?"

"No, he's not. I hate it. I feel like he doesn't trust me, you know? Like he's never going to trust me." I grimaced. "It's not like I'm going to throw myself at him the second we're alone. And he's not all over me, either. It was that one time, and he stopped."

Josh was oddly quiet for a few moments. I almost started to wonder if he'd even heard what I'd said when he sucked in a deep breath.

"I know what you mean, Josie. I remember the one time my dad tried to tell me I wasn't allowed to be alone around girls. I felt like he thought I was going to get every girl in school pregnant." He paused and laughed softly. "It didn't last very long. I talked to Mom and convinced her I knew what condoms were, and she talked to Dad."

"But you were actually having sex, weren't you? I'm not. I don't want to."

He looked over at me and smiled. "Give it a little more time and you will."

I scowled. "You can't know that."

"Maybe not, but I have firsthand knowledge of teenage hormones."

"Only the boy ones. Girl hormones are totally different."

He snorted. "Not really."

"Anyway, Josh, just because I like Kyle a lot doesn't mean he's the one I want to give that to. Maybe I want to explore more options before I make that decision. Aren't I allowed to do that?"

He was quiet again as he stared at me with the most confusing look on his face. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was silently begging me to explore more options. "You're always allowed to do that."

Somewhere inside me, I felt better knowing that Josh agreed with me. "It really upsets me that Dad won't even try to see it my way. It's been months and I'm still not allowed to be around my own boyfriend un-chaperoned."

"His little girl is growing up; you can't blame him for being a little overprotective."

I groaned. "A _little_ overprotective is fine; he's already gone overboard."

"Tell him that."

"Yeah, I can see that going over well."

He chuckled and took another drink of his lemonade. "No, I'm serious. I can see exactly why he's doing this. You're growing up and that's scary. It scares me, and I'm just your cousin."

"So you're saying my dad is afraid of me having a boyfriend?"

Josh shook his head. "No, I don't think so. I think it's that he knows sooner rather than later, you're going to be moving out, getting married, and having kids of your own. Whether it's with the guy you have now or not, that doesn't matter."

"Yeah, I guess. But I'm only sixteen."

"In five short years, you'll be twenty-one. All growed up."

I took a minute to look out at the tree tops against the deep blue sky and think about what Josh had said. I supposed it was time to have a real conversation with Dad about the whole thing.

I sucked in a deep breath and took a drink of my lemonade. "Well, we've talked enough about me. What's new with Josh?"

"Josh doesn't like Seattle. It's cold out here."

I glanced over at him and smiled. "It grows on you."

"So do warts."

I laughed. "You could always go back home. Dad could find someone else to help."

"No, I wouldn't do that. I'll survive."

I wanted to ask him about girls, but I didn't want him to get all weird and cryptic again like he had the last couple times we talked about the girl he liked. So instead, I tried asking a different way. "Have you made a lot of friends yet?" I grimaced inwardly; I sounded like Mom after my first day of school.

"Yeah, a few. I still talk to my old friends a lot, too."

"That's good." I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't like this feeling. "How's work?"

"It's going good. It's a good thing Uncle Jake had me come help; the guy's a genius sometimes, but he really knows nothing about keeping the books." He smiled. "Don't tell him I said that."

I smirked. "I won't."

We sipped our lemonade and talked for a while longer. I told him that Eli wanted to get another dog. He thought that was a good idea. I wanted one, but I knew we wouldn't get another Faith. Josh agreed with me when I told him I thought that was the reason we hadn't gotten one yet. Mom wanted another Faith but knew it wouldn't happen.

I still had homework I needed to finish. Even though I wanted to stay all day, I left a little after noon. Josh made me promise to come by again soon.

As I worked on the questions at the end of the science chapter we were studying, I thought about my conversation with Josh. I wondered if just talking to Dad would be enough to convince him I was mature enough to spend time alone with Kyle.

When I'd finished my homework, I decided to go for it. The worst that could happen would be I wouldn't convince Dad to take away the god-awful rule. I sucked in a deep breath and went downstairs.

Dad was at the table doing something for work. He had blueprints spread out all over the place. I swallowed. He could be irritable if I interrupted him. I took it as a sign and went to find Mom. She was in her room, sitting on the bed reading a book.

"Hey, Mom?" I said softly.

She looked up and smiled at me. "Hey, honey. How's Josh?"

"He's fine. We had a good time." I went in and sat next to her. "We sat out on his porch and talked most of the time. I helped him clean a little." I shrugged.

"That's good."

I looked down at my hands and stalled for a second. I tried to think of a good way to start this conversation. I really hoped she didn't send me to Dad. I got a brilliant idea and sat up straight. "Hey, um . . . we have this big Biology assignment coming up. We had to choose our partners, so Kyle and I are working together. We have to do a lot of studying and stuff."

Mom nodded. "Okay."

She couldn't say no when it involved school. "So since we have to spend a lot of time together and whatever, I was thinking I should be allowed to be alone with him. You know; it'll make studying easier." I bit my lips together and hoped it worked.

"Honey, I've been talking to your dad about letting that go for a few weeks now. It's fine with me, but considering the reason the rule is even there in the first place I think you should talk to him, too."

Dammit. I sighed and pouted. "I have to?"

"Yeah. He's just looking over some plans right now; it would be a good time." She reached out and squeezed my fingers. "At least you know I'm okay with it."

I nodded. "Yeah, there's that. Wish me luck, I guess."

She leaned forward and hugged me. "Just be honest with him about why you think it's time the rule is put away. If he says no, I'll talk to him again later."

"Thanks, Mom." I hugged her back then got up to make my way to the dining room.

Dad was hunched over the blueprints muttering something to himself. I took a deep breath and stepped up to him. "Hey, Dad."

He looked up at me. "Hey, Josie. What's up?"

"Um, can I talk to you for a minute?"

He sat up straighter and gestured to the chair next to him. "Sure."

I sat down and took a deep breath. I didn't think the school thing would work on Dad. I had to think of something else. I decided to get right to the point. "Okay. Here's the deal. I get why I'm grounded from being alone with Kyle, but I would really like that to stop." I swallowed and looked up at him.

He pursed his lips. "Why?"

What a stupid question. "Why? How about because I'm not a kid and I can make my own decisions. Just because I want to be able to be alone with him doesn't mean I want to fuck him." I looked down and told myself to chill out. "I'm sorry. I just want to be normal again, and I can't be if I can't even go out on a date or study in his room with him. And by study I mean actually doing homework. Mom already told me she's okay with it."

Dad nodded. "I want you to know something, Josie. This whole thing isn't because I don't trust you. I can't trust him."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, so he made a mistake that one time. And do you realize that what you're telling me with all this is that you don't think I can take care of myself? You taught me how to defend myself. If he ever did try to hurt me—which he wouldn't because he's a nice guy—I could easily kick his ass."

He put his hands together on the table. "All right. What about if he convinced you to do something? And don't tell me it wouldn't ever work because I remember being a teenager."

I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. Time to bring out the big guns. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend I was talking to Josh or Hannah or even Aunt Leah instead of my dad. "Fine, let's say something did happen and I had sex with my boyfriend. Why would that be so terrible? I know what condoms are. I could get on birth control." I couldn't remember ever feeling as embarrassed as that moment. I could talk about sex to any person on the planet aside from my dad. Either this was going to work or I was going to light myself on fire. "I mean, if I really wanted to do that I could find a way. We could sneak out of school or I could say I was going to Jennifer's and meet him somewhere instead. Or I could—"

Dad held up his hands. "Okay, okay. You win."

He didn't say anything for a second. I leaned forward slightly and took a chance. "So am I free?"

He sighed and nodded. "Yeah, you're free."

I squealed and jumped up to hug him. "Thank you, Daddy!"

He hugged me back. "Love you."

"Love you, too." I kissed his cheek and left the room to give Mom the good news, then I went upstairs to text Kyle.

_I'm free! I get to hang out with you without adult supervision! When are we going to study for that Biology thing?_

It took him almost five minutes to reply to me. I was starting to get really impatient when my phone finally rang with a text.

_That's great! I'm free tomorrow after school._

I danced around my room for a moment, just happy to have my boyfriend freedom back. Once I had calmed down, I spent the next little while texting Kyle about when we could have our next date. We had come up with a lot of ideas, but no plans by the time Mom called me down for dinner.

* * *

I was in a crappy mood when I woke up on Monday. I put my hair up in a pony tail as I shuffled down the stairs and wished I could go back to bed. Mom and Dad were making sex eyes at each other in the kitchen while Eli munched on waffles.

"Good morning, Josie," Mom said. I grunted in response.

I made some coffee and thought about making something to eat. Nothing sounded good, so I chose to skip breakfast. Without a word, I took my coffee with me up to my room.

I took my time getting ready for school. I really wanted to be happy, considering I was going to spend some time alone with Kyle later that day. The thought of being near another human made me grimace. I wanted to spend the whole day in my room away from everyone. I had a few books that would help me pass the time.

Eli knocked on my door and reminded me that we had to leave in fifteen minutes. I groaned to myself and got dressed quickly. I didn't care to look pretty today, so I skipped makeup and just put my hair up in a sloppy bun. I probably looked like a hobo, but maybe it would make people stay away from me.

Mom and Dad both looked at me funny when I went back downstairs. I furrowed my brow and took my coffee mug to the kitchen.

"What?" I asked.

Dad shrugged. "Nothing."

I'm sure. I had to run back upstairs to get my backpack, then it was time to leave.

Jennifer was all smiles when I met her at our locker. I tried really hard to be happy for her when she told me that she and Jason had talked more about their situation. They hadn't made any final decisions, but they had agreed to stay together whichever way they chose. Deep down, I was happy to hear it. For some reason I couldn't explain, her happiness upset me. I didn't like the feeling so I told myself to snap out of it.

I got reprimanded by two teachers after I offered one too many snarky remarks on their lessons. It wasn't my fault they were teaching things I would never have a real need for. I made myself chill out a little after I was told I would get detention if I opened my mouth again.

At lunch, Kyle sat beside me like always. Jennifer and Jason sat on the other end talking quietly amongst themselves. Keith and Lily were laughing about something.

"How's it going?" Kyle asked me.

I shrugged. "Going fine." I stared at my tray telling myself I needed to eat something. None of it looked appetizing.

"You okay?"

I looked at him and nodded. "Peachy."

He didn't ask me again, but I could tell he wanted to. I stared at him for a few minutes thinking about pulling his hair up in a pony tail to keep it out of his eyes. It'd stick up and he'd look like Pebbles from the _Flintsones_. The image made me smile.

"You're still coming over later, right?" he asked.

I took a bite of my roll and nodded. "Yeah, we've got to get started on that project."

He nodded. "What time? Do you want to stay for dinner?"

I shrugged. "Around four, I think. And sure, I just gotta let my parents know." Maybe more time alone with him would make me feel better.

"Okay."

I wasn't feeling much perkier by the time school was out. I went home and ate something hoping I was just hungry. I still wanted to hide out in my room instead of going anywhere. I sucked it up and got ready to go.

"I'll be back sometime," I told Mom and Dad when I went back downstairs. "Kyle invited me to stay for dinner, so don't expect me to be here. Love you both."

She hugged me. "Love you, too, baby. Have fun and get lots done." Dad nodded and hugged me, too.

I slipped my backpack on and left. Katherine greeted me when I got there. Kyle was in the living room and smiled when he saw me.

"Hey, Josie. You ready to get studying?"

I nodded and gestured to my backpack. "Let's get started."

We went up to his room and pulled out our textbooks. We got down on the floor with our books in front of us and laid on our stomachs next to each other.

"I'm glad we can do this again," he said as he got his notebook. He leaned in and kissed me.

I smiled. "Me, too."

We talked about our project for a while. We had to find out if plants would grow better under certain colored lights. We worked on developing our hypothesis and a plan for testing it.

A few minutes after we started, I heard the floor creak in the hallway and furrowed my brow. A shadow moved against the wall. Was his mom spying on us? I wanted to check, but Kyle distracted me.

As time passed, I was really started to get annoyed with Katherine. I'd told her I wasn't grounded anymore; she didn't need to be checking on us like this. Something in my chest tightened and spread to my stomach.

I furrowed my brow at the textbook and tried really hard to ignore Katherine. I had been feeling a little better; I didn't want to get grumpy again. The way she hovered pissed me off. The floor creaking under feet every few minutes pissed me off. The way Kyle either didn't notice or pretended it didn't bother him pissed me off. I clenched my jaw and took a deep breath. She finally left a few minutes later.

"Your mom's being annoying," I whispered

Kyle grimaced. "I noticed, too. I'll talk to her later," he offered.

I nodded and tried to let it go. I couldn't; it just kept building. It seemed like everything grated against my insides. Kyle's voice, the words on the page, the wind blowing outside . . . I wanted to ball my fists in my hair and scream. I wanted to hit something. This unusual desire scared me. I tried to keep breathing evenly and hoped it would go away soon.

I closed my eyes when the floor creaked again. My eyes watered, and I decided I needed to go home. I didn't want to be so mad about something so trivial. I hated to admit it, but I needed to talk to Dad.

Katherine knocked on the door and walked in. "Hey, guys. Is anyone hungry?" She had a plate of mini sandwiches and set them on the table by Kyle's bed.

"Thanks, Mom," he said sweetly.

What I wouldn't give to take that plate and smash it on the floor. That'd show her to be so fucking annoying. I clenched my fists for a second before I closed my book.

"Thank you for the offer, Mrs. Masters, but I think I need to go home." I shoved the book into my backpack and stood up.

Kyle caught my arm. "What? No, Josie, don't go."

I didn't plan to do anything but pull my arm away. I felt my body turning and couldn't even think to stop myself before I punched him right in the jaw. I felt and heard a crack somewhere in my hand. The pain didn't mean anything, but fuck if the connection between my fist and his face didn't feel good. It lasted only a fraction of a second, then all the anger inside me disappeared and I was left with what I'd just done.

I covered my mouth with my hands and stared at Kyle. He was holding his jaw and looking at me with wide eyes.

"Kyle, I'm—" I wanted so badly to apologize, but I didn't know how. What words could ever excuse that?

"What has gotten into you, young lady?" Katherine asked.

They were both staring at me like I'd lost my mind. I knew nothing I could say could make it okay. Instead of trying to fix what I'd done, I turned and ran out. I ran all the way home. The scene replayed in my mind a million times. The floor creaking, the sandwiches, Kyle's hand on my arm, and the burning release I felt when I hit him. I was already crying halfway home. By the time I made it to my front lawn, my legs and my lungs hurt and I could barely see through my tears.

I barely noticed Mom standing in the living room with Dad. I slammed the door and ran upstairs, then I slammed my bedroom door too. I dropped my backpack somewhere on the floor and threw myself at my bed. I couldn't stop bawling. Everything was so fucked up. I wouldn't blame Kyle one bit if he never wanted to talk to me again. Just when I was able to have my boyfriend time back, I had to go and ruin everything.

The pounding on my door made me come back to myself for a minute.

"Josie," Dad hollered. He opened the door and rushed in. "What happened?" Mom was right behind him. "Did that boy hurt you?"

The accusation hurt me. How could he think Kyle would do that? "No," I yelled. I was so mad at myself and everything around me. "Get the fuck out of my room!" I shoved my face back into my pillow.

"Come on, Josie, what happened?" Dad touched my back, and just like that, I had another target. I turned around fast and slapped his arm. A stinging shock radiated through my hand and halfway up my arm.

"Get away from me!" I tried to shove him, but he didn't move.

He sighed and turned to Mom. "Let's give her a few minutes."

She stared at him, wide-eyed and concerned, and nodded. He took her hand, and they left. I squeezed my eyes shut and told myself to keep breathing. I felt so out of breath. I couldn't think or see or feel anything but this confusion and pain in my chest and my gut. Why? Why now? Why him? Why _me_?

I didn't know how long I cried before I finally started to calm down. The clock on my headboard said it was going on nine o'clock when someone knocked on my door. I sniffled and ignored my churning stomach.

"What?"

Dad came in and shut the door softly behind him. "How are you feeling, baby?"

I shrugged weakly. "Like I've completely ruined my life."

He nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed. I scooted over to give him a little more room. "Will you tell me what happened? Did he hurt you?"

I rolled my eyes. "I told you before that he didn't. Is it really that hard to believe that my boyfriend didn't touch me?"

Dad pursed his lips. "No, it's not hard to believe. I just want something I can protect you from."

I snorted. "Good luck."

He sighed and reached out to touch my cheek. "Please tell me, Josie."

My eyes watered again. If anyone in the world would ever understand, it was him. But I didn't want to say anything. I wanted to keep it in and shut it away and pretend it never happened. "I hit him." Tears slipped down my cheeks—quieter this time—as I stared at the sheet under me and explained what had happened. I told him how I'd felt as Katherine spied on us and how I wanted to throw the sandwiches in her face.

"When he asked me not to leave . . . I don't know what happened. It all just boiled over. I turned around and hit him. Full-on hit, Dad; closed fist right in the jaw." I closed my eyes tightly and pushed my face into the mattress.

"Come here," he said. He urged me to sit up.

I did, and he moved back so I could curl up against him. He took a deep breath and held me silently for a few minutes. I wondered what he thought. Was he upset with me? Was he disappointed that I ended up with a monster just like his? I was such a failure.

"You know I love you." He kissed my head and rubbed my arm.

I nodded. "I didn't want to get so mad."

"I know, baby." He looked down at me. "I don't want you to beat yourself up over this."

I pulled back. "But I hit him."

He sighed and nodded. "Yeah, you did. And you can't take that back, but there's a lot of shit you can do to try to keep it from happening again."

I got up and started to pace. Why couldn't I just stay calm? "I don't think I need to worry about that. I doubt Kyle's going to talk to me ever again."

"You can't say that for sure, Josie. You need to give him a chance to forgive you."

I stopped and stared at him. "Forgive me? How can I expect him to forgive me?"

He shook his head and stood up beside me. "I didn't say expect him to; I said give him a chance. Don't write him off just because you assume he's going to hate you."

I huffed. "Right, because that's so easy for you to say. You've hit people before, too. But you've never hit Mom. You've never turned on the people you really love, have you? Not like that." How fucked up was I? I turned around and ran my fingers through my hair. I was even worse than my dad.

"Josie, I want you to look at something."

I turned back to see he had rolled up his sleeve. He pointed to the teeth-shaped scar on his right forearm. I knew about the scar and the vague story of how Mom had bit him after one of her nightmares. "Yeah?"

"This happened a few months after I met your mom. You know that. She felt terrible for it and had convinced herself that I couldn't forgive her. We got into a fight the day after she did this to me, and I hit her right across the face."

My eyes widened. I had never heard that part of it. "You what?"

He nodded. "I didn't mean to, but I did. It wasn't the last time, either. About a year and a half later, I was really pissed about something. I don't even remember what it was now, but she got too close. I hit her in the back. I slapped your aunt Leah, too. I think she deserved it, but that doesn't mean I should have done it." He pushed his sleeve back down and put his hands on my shoulders. "I know how it feels, Josie. I really do. You feel like shit because you hurt someone you care about. You feel like a failure because you couldn't control yourself long enough to see what was going on until it was too late. You wish to God you could take it back, but you can't. There's no going back, baby. It's done. But what you can do is trust the people you love and give them a chance to understand. Your mom and Aunt Leah already knew about me, which made the explaining and forgiving process a little easier. You need to talk to Kyle and tell him what happened. Let him know that it wasn't his fault and that you're trying to make it better." He kissed my forehead. "I can't guarantee that he will forgive you, but you have to try."

I sniffled and nodded. "I didn't know. I mean about all that. You never told me."

He smiled sadly. "It's not anything I'm proud of."

"What if he decides I'm too fucked up?" I could see it all play out in my head.

Dad hugged me tightly. "Don't think about what-if's, Josie. If you do, you'll convince yourself that everyone hates you and end up pushing all of your friends away. I know, because that's exactly what I did in high school. I hated myself and everyone around me for a very long time. I don't want to see that happen to you. I'll help you, and I think it might be a good idea to have you come to our therapist."

I scrunched my nose. "I don't want a shrink."

He laughed. "I know. But let me tell you something. Shit can get really bad, but it can also get really good again if you don't try to do it all on your own. I can only help so much, and I really think it would be a good idea to get you in to Dr. Becker. I put it off for a long time, but I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for the medicine and having someone in that setting that I can talk to."

"Okay." I backed up and ran my fingers through my hair again. My hand was starting to throb. I looked at it for a second before I looked up at Dad. "My hand hurts."

He took it and looked at it for a second. He winced. "You'll be lucky if you didn't break something. We should go get it checked out."

I sniffled and nodded. "Yeah."

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! You all knew already what was going on with Josie, but now you have confirmation.


	19. Demons

A/N: Yay, another chapter! Thank you all you wonderful readers and reviewers! Not much to say but another great big thank you to my lovely pre-readers WolfGirl1335 and ReneeFF. Enjoy the chapter!

* * *

In This Skin

Chapter Nineteen

Demons

_When you feel my heat__  
__Look into my eyes__  
__It's where my demons hide__  
__Don't get too close__  
__It's dark inside__  
__It's where my demons hide__  
_-Demons ― Imagine Dragons

* * *

_**Josie**_

I sat in the emergency room with Dad and stared down at the now swollen and discolored skin on the back of my hand. Dad was pretty sure it was broken. We were waiting for someone to take me to get an X-ray to say for sure. I couldn't help but wonder what happened to all the lessons and practice I'd had about throwing a proper punch. Dad taught me how to hit someone to cause the most damage without hurting myself when I was nine years old.

After the X-rays confirmed that I had a not-too-serious fracture in my fourth metacarpal, the nurse said she'd get the things to put it in a cast.

Dad held my left hand and squeezed lightly. "This will be over quick," he said.

I smiled up at him. "Yeah, but then I have weeks of really shitty handwriting to look forward to."

He chuckled. "The struggles of being a teenage girl."

I pushed him with my shoulder. "Shut up. It's really going to bug me. My handwriting is pristine."

"Yeah, it really is. You got that from your mother."

"I think I got that from being a perfectionist, which could have come from either of you. Anyway, I'm sorry." I looked down at my hand again.

"Don't apologize to me; I really don't care about handwriting."

I shook my head. "Not for that. For this happening in the first place."

Dad put his arm around my shoulders. "It'll be okay, baby." He hugged me lightly.

I leaned into him a little more. "Aren't you upset that I forgot how to hit someone?"

He kissed my hair. "You didn't forget."

"Dad, if I had done it right I wouldn't have broken my hand. You'd think that'd be instinct by now with all the practice I've had."

"If you hit people every day, sure."

I snorted. "I didn't have any problems after I hit that kid in school."

"This is a completely different situation. Besides that, there's a reason this is called a Boxer's Fracture. You think even professionals who are paid good money to hit people don't make mistakes?"

I sighed. "Yeah, I guess."

We both looked up when the nurse came in with the cast supplies.

Mom and Eli had to fuss over the cast when we got home. It covered half my forearm up to my fingers. I could bend the first two if I really tried. It was uncomfortable as hell. The only good thing was that I got special pain pills. I ate some toast, took a pill, then went to bed.

* * *

I didn't want to go to school on Tuesday. No matter what my dad said, there was a good chance Kyle had told everyone what happened and they'd all think I was even more of a freak. They'd think I was the crazy girl who hit people for no fucking reason at all.

I didn't even go downstairs for breakfast. I knew Mom or Dad or both would try to talk me into going. I'd probably end up forced to go even if I stayed under my bed, but I could try.

Mom ended up coming to get me a half hour before we had to leave. I tried to remain as silent as possible as she told me why I still had to go to school. I could tell she was close to giving up, but then she started to pick out some clothes for me to wear. She knew exactly how to get me to cooperate. When she turned to me with a frilly green tank top to wear over a neon orange turtleneck sweater that had been given to me by Grandma Sue a million years ago, I wrinkled my nose.

"No?" Mom asked innocently. "Okay, let's add this." She turned back to the closet and pulled out a blue and yellow striped t-shirt. "It will go in the middle. That's the style all the kids are wearing now, right? Layered?" She set the hideous combination on my bed and went to the dresser to pull out a pair of zebra-striped leggings from Hannah. "And wear these with it. You'll look fabulous!"

I sighed. "Fine, you win," I grumbled. I got up and put everything back and picked out a decent, matching outfit.

Mom smiled as she opened the door. "I'll see you downstairs in ten minutes."

I just nodded and got dressed. I glared at my cast when it made things difficult. I could just imagine everyone asking me how I got it. Then again, if Kyle had already told them, they'd say I deserved it. I knew I did. At least it was me that ended up with the broken bone and not him.

With a dejected sigh, I did my best at putting my hair in a sloppy pony tail, slipped into my shoes, and grabbed my backpack before heading downstairs.

As soon as I got to school, I expected people to give me dirty looks and mock the cast. Instead, I got curious and concerned questions about what happened to my hand. I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to lie but I didn't want to tell the truth. I said I hit something I shouldn't have and left it as vague as possible.

Jennifer looked truly awful when I met her at our locker. She was usually so made up and bouncy. Today, her hair wasn't much better than mine and she was wearing a baggy sweatshirt she would have burned before.

"You okay?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "I'm so incredibly nauseous right now. My dad wouldn't let me stay home."

I rubbed her shoulder with my good hand. "I'm sorry."

"Me too. How are you? I heard you broke your hand or something?"

News traveled fast. I held up my right hand. "Yeah."

On any normal day, she would have asked me what happened. Instead, she nodded. "That must hurt. I'm sorry."

I felt really bad for her. Pregnant or not, her dad should have let her stay home. I rubbed her back and walked with her to our first class.

I saw Kyle a few times throughout the day. He never looked at me, but I could see the bruise on his jaw. At lunch, he sat at another table. I couldn't conjure the appetite to eat anything. Everything my dad said was wrong; sooner or later the truth about my broken hand and Kyle's bruise would get out and everyone would avoid me like Kyle was doing.

Although I knew it would get me into trouble, I skipped the last few classes of the day. I couldn't go home, so I hid behind the school and sat on the grass. As I pulled up individual blades of grass and shredded each one, I thought about what I was going to do. I couldn't just stop going to school. I could run away, but what would that accomplish? And what about Kyle? He deserved at least an explanation.

My thoughts were everywhere all at once. They circled around and confused me, and I hated it. I got my phone out of my pocket and thought about asking Mom to get me early. She might do it. Or she might get upset.

I wiped my nose on my sleeve and texted Josh.

_I need help. Are you at work?_ I waited and prayed he wasn't with Dad.

_No, I'm at home. What's wrong?_

_I'm at school, but I can't go back to class. Would you come get me?_

_You're not calling your mom because . . . ? _

I took a deep breath. _Because she thinks I'm still in class. Please, Josh. I'll tell you everything you need to know after I'm rescued. I can't go back in there._

_The things I do for you. Operation: Stealth Escape underway. I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Be ready._

I breathed a sigh of relief. _Thank you._

I had everything I thought I might actually need and snuck around to the front of the building to wait for Josh. As soon as he pulled up, I jumped into the car. I felt so much better now that I didn't have to deal with school for the rest of the day.

Josh didn't ask questions right away. The ride was quiet until we got to his apartment.

"You realize that what I did could technically be called kidnapping, right?" he asked as we climbed the stairs to his door.

"Mom and Dad wouldn't accuse you of that. I'll be the one to get in trouble."

He unlocked the door and let me go in first. "Don't think for one second your dad won't chew me out, too."

I dropped my bag by the couch and turned to him. "You didn't have to come get me. If you're that worried about it, why didn't you tell me to deal with it and leave me there?"

He clenched his jaw for a second. "Because I couldn't."

"Well, don't tell me about how much trouble you'll be in for coming to get me. If you really regret it, take me back. If not, shut up about it."

Josh shook his head and dropped his keys on the counter. "Yeah, you're welcome." He went over to the couch and sat down heavily.

I watched him for a second before I started to feel bad for what I'd said. He had good reason to be worried about what my parents might say to him, but he still came to get me. I moved closer and sat down beside him.

"I'm sorry, Josh."

He smiled at me, but it was tight and forced. "It's okay." He rubbed my back. "You have some 'splaining to do."

I nodded. "Yeah. Did Mom or Dad tell you about this?" I held up my cast.

His brow furrowed. "No. What happened?" He took my hand and inspected it as if just looking would tell him the whole story.

I told him about going to Kyle's and what happened when I hit him. Josh smirked, and I elbowed him. "It's not funny, stop it."

He looked at me. "I'm sorry; I'm just imagining the look on his face. It must have been priceless."

I took my hand back. "It wasn't; it was horrible. He looked at me like I'd lost my mind. Like he was really, honestly afraid of me. And today he didn't even look at me at all." My chest tightened and my eyes watered. "It's not fair, Josh."

Josh's smile had faded away. He rubbed my back again and pulled me closer to him. "Is that why you had to leave?"

I leaned into him and nodded against his shoulder. "Yeah. I started to get mad again after lunch. I can't even trust myself to go to class because I don't know what I'll do. I felt like if one more person asked me if I was okay or what happened to my hand, I'd snap. I hate feeling like this."

He hugged me tightly. "I'll bet your parents would understand that just fine."

"But I'd have to go to the office and talk to them in order to call Mom. They always seem so annoyed with students." I snuggled a little closer to him. "Thank you for rescuing me."

"I'll always rescue you, Josie." He laid his head on mine for a second.

"Dad said he was going to make an appointment for me to see their therapist. I don't want to go."

"Would you rather spend an hour each week talking to a shrink or spend every day pissed off at everything and hitting people you like?"

I frowned. "Don't say it like that."

He pushed me up a little and met my eyes. "I know you don't like it, but that's what it is. Don't sugar-coat it or pretend it's something it isn't to make yourself feel better. That won't help."

I knew he was right, but I still didn't like it. "I don't want either."

"I know." He pulled me close again. "So you have about an hour and a half before school would be out, right?"

I looked at the clock. "More like two hours."

"What should we do?"

I was content to stay right where I was. I felt something like peace for the first time in two days. "Just this for a little longer?"

Josh rubbed my shoulder. "Sure."

We were quiet for a long time while I focused on Josh's shoulder under my head as it rose and fell with his breaths.

"I have to let your mom know you're with me before school gets out," Josh said quietly.

I closed my eyes and nodded. "I know. Do you want me to call her?"

I felt him shake his head. "No. I'll handle it. I think you're stressed enough."

We sat there for another ten minutes before Josh said it was time to call my mom. My stomach tightened when he got up and pulled his phone out of his pocket. I already knew Mom was going to be mad. I started to feel worse when I thought how much trouble I'd gotten Josh into. I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around my legs as I listened to Josh's end of the conversation. From what he said and how he said it, Mom was perturbed but not yelling at him. He hung up a few minutes later and sat back down next to me.

"How upset is she?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I don't think you'll be grounded."

I groaned. "Is she coming to get me?"

"No; I told her I'd take you home in a little while."

I looked up at him. "And she was okay with that?"

He nodded. "Sure. I told her you had a mini manic attack at school and needed some more time to calm down."

I licked my lips and stared at my knees for a second. "Is she mad I didn't call her?"

"She didn't say, but I don't think so. Come here." He leaned back and held out his arm. I unfurled myself and leaned into him. "It'll be okay. I'm sure she understands."

"Thank you, Josh. For everything." I wrapped my arms around him and hugged tightly. "I'm so glad you're here."

He hugged me back. "Me too. You know what, though?"

I shook my head and leaned back to look at him. "What?"

"I'll bet I can kick your ass in _Apocalypse_."

I smiled. "No way. I'm a way better zombie killer than you could ever be."

He snorted. "I have years more practice than you." He got up to get the video game set up.

The cast made playing the game almost impossible. Josh took it easy on me and even let me win a few times, then it was time for him to take me home.

Mom was worried about me when we got there. She hugged me and asked if I was okay, but she didn't yell or act like I was in deep trouble. I told her what had happened and why I had to leave. She looked even more worried, but still didn't get upset. She thanked Josh for bringing me home and offered to let him stay for dinner. He accepted. We sat around the living room talking for a while until Mom had to go pick up Eli from school.

Dad got home shortly before dinner was done. He didn't seem surprised to see Josh there. While Eli and I got the table ready, I heard Mom, Dad, and Josh talking about what had happened. I was relieved when Dad said he remembered doing the same thing when he was in school. It was suddenly easier for me to smile at him when I went into the kitchen to get some glasses.

"Josie," he said as he held his arm out. I hugged him. "How are you?"

I shrugged. "I'm all right."

He patted my back and followed me back to the table where he said hi to Eli and sat down. Mom and Josh brought dinner to the table. I sat quietly and listened as Dad and Eli did most of the talking.

After dinner, we said goodbye to Josh and he left. Dad and Eli cleaned up. I wasn't sure what to do with myself, but I didn't want to be alone. Mom was straightening up the living room, so I went in and started to help her.

"How are you feeling, honey?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Okay, I guess."

"How's your hand?"

"It hurts."

She nodded. "Have you talked to Kyle?"

I shook my head. "No."

Cleaning the room was quick work, and soon I didn't have anything left to do. Mom sat down, so I sat next to her.

"Are you going to?"

I shrugged again and looked down at my fingers poking out of the cast. "I don't know."

Mom reached out and touched my arm. "You really should."

I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them. "He couldn't even sit by me at lunch today, Mom."

I felt her hand on my back. "Do you know what I think?" she asked softly.

I sucked in a deep breath. "No."

"I think your dad went through too many years thinking nobody could deal with him being bipolar. He'd convinced himself everyone would be afraid of him or hate him. And sometimes, he was right. Even if you're not bipolar, not everyone is going to love you. But that's kind of the point; you don't want to fill your life with people who can't accept you for who and what you are. I did the same thing; I was so sure everyone was disgusted by me because I'm photosensitive. I'd lived through so many people teasing me about it that I didn't know anybody could treat me differently."

I rested my head on my knees and looked over at her. "And that means I need to talk to him?"

She nodded. "Sometimes, it can take a while to find the right person who won't care what's wrong with you because they're too busy loving what's right. Maybe Kyle is that person, but you won't know unless you talk to him."

"What if he's not?"

She touched my nose. "Then we'll eat chocolate ice cream and plan our revenge."

I couldn't help but smile. "I like that plan."

Mom held her arm out, and I scooted over to hug her. "I love you, Josie."

I squeezed her back. "I love you, too, Mom."

"You're going to do great." She kissed my head. "I also wanted to tell you that you can call me or your dad when you're in school. Josh said you were too nervous today, but I don't want you to be."

I looked up at her. "But it's school."

"Yeah. I'm not giving you a free pass to skip whenever you want; I'm saying that if something like today happens and you need to leave because you're too upset to go to class, you can call one of us. You don't have to deal with the office or anything. I'd deal with that when I got there. It would be better than skipping the way you did today."

I nodded. "Okay. Thanks, Mom."

I went to get my phone and took a few deep breaths for courage before I texted Kyle.

_Hey. Can we meet somewhere and talk?_

Instead of letting myself agonize over what his answer might be, I put my phone in my pocket and went to give Eli shit until I heard it buzz.

_Yeah, I guess. Park in thirty minutes?_

This was it. I texted him back and said okay, then I got ready to leave. I told Mom and Dad where I was going and walked out the door.

The park was more crowded than I'd hoped for. A couple kids were running around in the sand while another one was daring a little girl to cross the monkey bars. I shoved my left hand in my pocket and looked around for Kyle. I saw his car in the parking lot and took a deep breath when his door opened. I waved awkwardly and walked over to meet him.

"Hey," I said.

He nodded. "Hey."

I wasn't sure how to start this conversation. He had a nice, dark bruise on his face where I'd hit him. I'd done that to him. I licked my lips and turned to watch the children for a second.

"You wanted to talk to me?" he asked.

I turned back to him to see he's put his hands in his pockets. He looked so angry. It wasn't fair. I frowned at myself. Of course it was fair. My stomach tightened and I looked down at my hands. "Yeah. About, um . . . you know."

He huffed. I wasn't sure if it was supposed to be a laugh or not. "Yeah, I know about what. What did you want to say?"

I took another deep breath to try to stop my hands from shaking. It didn't help. "I'm sorry," I blurted. "I'm really sorry."

"Are you?" he asked skeptically.

My guts twisted together in a tighter knot. How could anyone think Kyle could forgive me? The only reason anyone forgave Dad was because they already knew how fucked up he was. They had a warning. Kyle didn't; it just sprang up and hit him in the face.

"Yes, I am." I couldn't look at him. Just standing on my two feet and breathing were beginning to be difficult enough. I wanted to scream and cry and throw things and hit things and tear things apart. Where did Old Josie go? I wanted her back.

"I know you're sorry. Is that all you wanted to say to me?"

My eyes watered and my left fist clenched. Why was it so fucking hard to speak? "No." But none of it would matter anyway, because he'd break up with me and never talk to me again whether I told him or not.

There was a bench ten feet to my right. A little kid was playing in the sand with his mother sitting on the grass reading a book. Without explaining, I walked over and sat down. I really hoped Kyle would join me. He did. He sat next to me and sighed.

"Josie, the whole point of having a talk is talking."

I nodded. "I know." The water in my eyes overflowed. Two tears fell down my cheeks, and I reached up to wipe them away quickly.

"Then talk to me."

I licked my lips and decided the best place to start would be the beginning. But where did it really all start? I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"My dad's bipolar," I blurted. "He's, um . . . He was diagnosed when he was twenty. It used to get pretty bad a lot, but he's learned how to control it, I think. I mean, it still gets bad sometimes, but not like before. I found out the other day―after that happened—that he hit my mom once. I'd never known about it. I guess I know why they didn't want to tell their kids. But he did. And he was sorry and she forgave him and . . . Goddammit, Kyle, I'm sorry."

I looked over at him and hoped he would understand.

He pursed his lips. "So your dad's bipolar?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I guess I am, too." I shrugged one shoulder. "I got mad at your mom. I shouldn't have been that angry; what she did was nothing. But I did, and then you tried to stop me and I just . . ." I trailed off, not sure what to say after that.

He huffed. "I guess I shouldn't have tried to stop you."

I groaned. "It wasn't your fault." I stood up to pace in front of him. "Don't even think about blaming yourself. That was all me being fucked up and angry and . . . and I told you I was fucked up. I told you and you didn't listen and Jesus Christ I'm making it sound like it's your fault." I ran my left hand through my hair and grabbed a fistful. How did Dad do this? How could anyone explain something like this?

Kyle stood up and started to walk away. Before I could get worried, he beckoned for me to follow him. He led me to a tree in the field by the playground.

"Some people were looking at you funny, so I thought we should move," he explained. I nodded. He reached out like he wanted my hands. I only gave him my left hand. His brow furrowed and he nodded toward my right one. "What happened?"

I raised an eyebrow. "You really have to ask? I hit you is what happened."

He frowned. "You broke your hand on my jaw?"

I shrugged. "Better my hand than your face."

He didn't argue with me. He took a deep breath. "So let me get this straight: You're saying that you got mad and hit me because you're bipolar?"

In a nutshell, yes. I just nodded.

"Okay. And you're also saying that your dad is bipolar, which is where you got it?"

Again, I nodded. "He's able to control himself. And as much as I hate it, I'm going to start going to therapy with him."

"That's good, I guess. How long have you known you're bipolar?"

I looked down. "My dad suspected it when I hit that kid in school. I had to stop pretending it wasn't true when I hit you."

"Hey, look at me." He squeezed my fingers. I looked up at him. "So you'll get better?"

More tears filled my eyes. "I don't know how long it'll take. It could be years. You can't expect everything to be fine after one visit tot he doctor, Kyle. My dad's in his forties and still struggles with it sometimes. It's never going to go away." It felt a terrible life sentence. My whole future was doomed.

Kyle nodded. "But you're going to try?"

"Of course."

"If you promise to try, then I forgive you."

I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I smiled and leaned into him. "Thank you, Kyle. We're still together, right?"

He nodded and hugged me. "Of course we are." I looked up at him and he kissed me. "You can't get rid of me that easily."

We walked around the park for a long while talking about me and our dads. Kyle's dad was furious when he found out what happened. He'd forbidden Kyle from talking to me, which was why he'd avoided me at school. He said his dad didn't know he had come to talk to me. Kyle told me his dad was talking about pressing charges. I was a little worried about it, but he told me he'd talked his dad out of it.

Kyle took me home when the sun started to go down. Eli was already in bed. Mom and Dad were watching a movie in the living room. I sat between them and finished it with them.

"So how did it go?" Mom asked me when it was over.

I smiled. "It went better than I expected it to."

"I'm glad to hear it." She got up to put some things away.

I looked over at Dad. "Kyle said his dad was thinking about pressing charges."

Dad nodded. "He can press all the charges he wants; it won't do any good."

"Why not?"

"Because you're sixteen years old. All you did was hit a kid; you didn't commit any really awful crimes. The most any justice system would do is sentence you to therapy and maybe community service. You've already got an appointment for therapy—I made your appointment right after ours on Monday—and I can easily put you to work doing something around here and say you're already doing community service."

I felt a hundred times better. "Thanks, Dad. He also doesn't want Kyle to talk to me anymore." While I knew Kyle had it figured out, I wanted my dad's advice.

Dad shrugged. "See him anyway. I mean, if Kyle's okay with it then why not?"

I raised an eyebrow. "So you went from saying I couldn't see him without adult supervision to telling me you don't care if I see him behind his dad's back?"

Dad looked at me. "I get why he's upset; I really do. But if the situation was reversed, I might be a little more lenient―"

I snorted. "Dad, if the situation was reversed, you would have gone after Kyle the second you saw me with a bruise."

He nodded. "Yeah, I would have." He hugged my shoulders. "Okay, I'll talk to his dad about it."

"Thank you." I hugged him back tightly. "I love you, Dad."

"Love you too, Bug."

* * *

A/N: Thanks so much for reading!


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